| Critique: | Powerful! T I found the poem thought provoking, intense, and eye awakening. ---Thanks for joining! Favorite lines: " Contemplation Segragation. Throughout The Nations. Confusion Wrecking Creations. Damnation or Divination." This is the second time I have read the piece, and I like it even better! I also have a few additional suggestions, however it may be my own personal taste for sentence structure/punctuation. There seems to be a need for the use of commas and (less capitalization in some areas). More so for the (,). The capitalization is an artist choice. I would wait until you receive additional feedback before changing it. One word mis-spell, "segragation=segregation." I like the use of real issues, doing so will broaden your reading audience. You have opened up some topics that are very important in America right now, writing about it helps to stimulate new ideas, change, direction. Lets hope the presidential candidates read your work, maybe they would be so kind to give you a review--"Its an idea!" Hey, Obama has a big website. Should we send him the link? I'll leave it up to you, although I doubt with the economic crises, he will have time or Kain to read anything that is not on their agenda. :) You have the right idea, knowing what to write about is important. Know who your audience is--you have done that well in this piece. Good work! |
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