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Serenity

Serenity


Along the dirt trail


a young brown doe appears 


and then she is shot



by BRONXbabe

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Watching young deers walking along the forest, it is hard to also listen to the bangs of hunter's guns close by. How beautiful a deer is standing on the dirt floor, the Earth, and within a moment, is killed, for no more purpose then to hang on a wall. A trophy, a life, and a moment for some of us to find sweet serenity of the beauty of life. "I'm no vegetarian, but I do find it difficult to know that these beautiful animals are killed so sparingly." Now, a chicken, hmm, I don't find them as graceful. There is a lot of controversy between, what animals should be "killed for food" or "if we should kill them at all." I do have mixed feelings with this issue, mostly because of my heritage, which is actually Indian. I'm sure my ancestors however long ago, used Deer for pelts to keep their children warm, for shelter from a storm and for food to prevent starvation. When I'm in the forest or on a nature trail along the heavily trafficked city lights, I wouldn't' like to sit their with out seeing an animal grazing, or hear the sounds of the birds. If we kill them all, what then, would we all do? How lonely of a planet it would become, if we only had ourselves, to keep company, most people make bad company after all. :)

-- Jackie --- I am an animal lover!

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: raenie
Critique Date:10/05/2009

Critique:Hi bronxbabe & welcome to the site! I must admit that I was taken off guard with your write because of your title--I was expecting something serene, and was pretty much startled with what happened to the doe (I felt like I was the doe, actually)--I do believe that this could be what you were aiming for and you achieved it, especially if you take in the title at first... I just have to note a discrepancy in your use of the pronoun "he"-- a doe would be a female deer (hehe now I have that Do-re-mi song in my head from The Sound of Music! somebody help me!!) oops--going back, you'd have to change it from "he" to "she"...I also think that your write could be listed under "haiku" just scroll down the choices when you edit your work and you'd find it there :) eventhough your 2nd line doesn't have 7 syllables, it's still acceptable as a haiku, especially if considered as a modern haiku...thanks for sharing & I look forward to reading more of your work--keep writing :)

Grade:Good


 
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