CATEGORY: Poetry


Sons

Sons



it lay in pristine solitude behind the glass front door


a medium-sized brown envelope, she'd seen the type before


still, being in rejection mode she made a cup of tea


inquisitive, not really, she knew the contents, see


even who the sender was and the message that it bore


 


morning had dawned slowly, while night ran off, untold


those later vacant faces and the church had been so cold


and booming, as if empty, though noisy and quite full


interminable singing and the sermon long and dull


slowly shuffling bearers for her boy who'd not grow old


 


sooo, somewhere in the distance lay the substance of a man


she back-tracked down the years to where their great affair began


along the paths of memory the nettles and the rashes


and lightly gilded cameos, ah those dreams and ashes


where were the first steps taken and how the rivers ran


 


surprised, the night lay quietly, on the middle-evening streets


and listened while her guitar played it's music soft and sweet


in shadow on the front porch each note soothing the dark


like softly whispering rivers or a tree breeze in the park


she played without expression for a life that's incomplete.



by david lavisher (Viewed 138 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Dorie
Critique Date:06/07/2008

Critique:You know the art David. You kept me glazed to the screen and i couldnt stop reading right thru to the last word. Its one of those poems you can go over and over again without getting bored.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Katina
Critique Date:06/05/2008

Critique:In complete awe. What a work of poetry David, I do hope you send this out to as many publishers as you possibility can! Have you tried Grey Wolf press before? I would start there for sure. Send them some of your work (after reading their submission guidelines). You have such a strong voice for creating breathtaking scenes, a landscape of moving objects, soft yet heard voices,and an ear fine tuned for the English language. That is all I can say without shedding a tear about how good your writing is in this. I could read it every single day, and not tire of it. I better quite, you may be getting a big head by now, LOL. Great job!
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: bluemoon
Critique Date:06/03/2008

Critique:Wow, this poem didn't turn out the way I expected it to from reading the first stanza. I thought maybe it was a rejection letter from a job interview or a publisher maybe. You got my attention right from the word go with your choice of words & great flow. The rest of the poem just blew me away. So sad, so beautiful & so full of emotion, it had a profound effect on me. I'm guessing now that the son was a serviceman & the brown envelope the notification of death in service? Makes you think how many families have to suffer such tragic loss. This is one of those poems that won't leave my mind for quite a while.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:06/03/2008

Critique:Wow, alot of emotion in your write and you paint such a vivid picture to accompany these sad feelings. I love the last paragraph, it just unfolds to capture the true essence of emptiness one must feel, then, have to learn to live with. Dennis
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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