CATEGORY: Poetry


Coast of Sundered Dreams


Coast of Sundered Dreams



Reaching out before me, down the coast of sundered dreams,


fractured shells of memories litter the ocean's seams.


Kicking through the leavings of a love and life before,


wondering how they came to rest upon this barren shore,


oh so briefly showing glimpses of past happiness once more.




 I tentatively raise a broken memory to my ear,


hearing not the sound of oceans, but the fall of silent tears.


A suffocating nothingness swirls about my head


 as I search among the broken shells, my dreams they are all dead,


leaving only faded russet stains, where, in death they bled.




On the outskirts of my vision, gentle movement takes my eye.


Half buried in the graveyard, there's one dream that will not die.


A hope that from this emptiness life will start anew,


that the souls of those departed dreams will show me what to do


and the dream that at life's end, we'll be together, me and you.






by bluemoon (Viewed 135 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: CountryAngel
Critique Date:06/12/2008

Critique:Sharon, This poem is a sad one, but at the same time beautiful! I hope some day your dream  will come true.. You know I only wish the best for you :)
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: brent
Critique Date:06/11/2008

Critique:Hi, Sharon, we have removed the critique that showed up under Brents name, it was written by Kuirq. Not sure why it appeared under a different user, a small techno thing. ---Admin
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:06/11/2008

Critique:Okay, take 2!   The beauty of this poem lies in its serenity. The scene that comes to mind is so calm and yet it is very moving. There is a certain sadness to it that is very prominent throughout the piece and yet it isn't overpowering because of the unshattered dream in the end. Thank you for sharing this poem, the dream that you have written about in the end is one that many hold close to their hearts.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Katina
Critique Date:06/10/2008

Critique:WoW! The writing is brilliant! I have many favorite places in the poem, the one that stands out the most is the last stanza: "A hope that from this emptiness life will start anew,--that the souls of those departed dreams will show me what to do --and the dream that at life's end, we'll be together, me and you."  I have no suggestions to make this poem better, its absolutely breath taking! I am voting it for the spotlight, well deserved 4 stars! Great work!!
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:06/09/2008

Critique:The images you depicted in your poem are so vivid, I could almost imagine myself walking along the coast of sundered dreams (& I did learn a new word today, sunder--thanks!), the tone set in the poem is just so hushed, that I feel I had to walk gingerly along, I just find your write so very beautiful, yet so melancholic. My favorite line is "I tentatively raise a broken memory to my ear, hearing not the sound of oceans, but the fall of silent tears". Thank you for sharing. How I wish that the last line will come true someday...I'll be voting you as spotlight author :)
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:06/09/2008

Critique:Nicely constructed and well presented. It just flowed so naturally. Your poem is rather on the sad side of life, something that most of us have delt with at one time or another. I like the line "A hope that from the emptiness life will start anew." I believe if that is what is needed in life, destiny has a way to grant those needs. You write directly from the heart. Dennis
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: david lavisher
Critique Date:06/09/2008

Critique:hey,  up to your usual standard this one, very good analogy, looks like you've been practicing Lol. Nice colour and the font adds to it.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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