CATEGORY: Poetry


The fall of Nestor Castle

We can feel the power.


Emitting from the tower.


We know it was strong.


Could our leaders all be wrong?  


 


~ In attacking.~


 


 


We flanked all of their walls.


Intercepting all their calls.


Stopped their shipments of food.


We had to be crude.


 


~We’re attacking.~


 


 


We sent out our sentries.


Hoping they'd find entries.


Through their wall of stones.


So we can save our bones.


 


~ While attacking.~


 


 


The trumpets they are trumping.


  And our chests we are thumping.


Our numbers cover the ground.


Making guttural sounds.


 


~ Announcing our attacking.~


 


 


We can see their archers.


But our crossbows do reach farther.


Catapults with boulders,


Slung out of their holders.


 


~ That’s attacking.~


 


 


There's roaring all around.


As the walls are coming down.


We send our cavalry in.


I think we’re gonna win.


 


~ This forced attacking.~


 


 


We see their evil creatures.


Flying from their bleachers.


Feeling magic in the air.


We’re advancing we don’t care.


 


~ We’re still attacking~


 


 


Rage is  strong as we enter.


We can feel their surrender.


With women and children gone.


Blood lust drives us on.


 


~ Continued attacking.~


 


 


Every mother’s son.


Taken to the world beyond.


Just now their wizard fell.


Sent back to wizard hell.


 


~ Fierce attacking.~


 


 


Some say it is a pity.


Ho w easy we took the city.


We cast off their evil hex.


Because the castle’s next.


 


~Controlled attacking.~


 


 


 


Now the drawbridge is down.


Slamming to the ground.


The infantry goes in.


Battle rage is on again.


 


~ Waved attacking.~


 


 


 


We see the skulls abreakin’.


As the castle is now taken.


Our banner will soon fly.


On that tower way up high.


 


~ Proudly attacking.~


 


 


 


The screaming now is eased.


I heard our King is pleased.


The evil will be burned.


Hatred will be spurned.


 


~ Victorious attacking.~


 


 


 


Now the clean up can begin.


Join our families once again.


I see a vision of my son.


When his life had just begun.


 


~ Ceased attacking.~


 


 


 


I feel a burning in my chest.


My heart it did it’s best.


I did feel it burst.


As the spearhead went in first.

[I jumped up in a cold sweat, breathing very hard. “Honey, no more jalapeños before bed!”]



by Sgt B (Viewed 228 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: enamoured
Critique Date:10/19/2008

Critique:Hi Sgt B! This is the first time I've read this piece! Quite enjoyed it especially the ending!:D BUt what I like most about this poem is the writing style. It's simple yet powerful. I think I've mentioned this earlier, can't help but say it again.I really like the way your poems read. The rhythm is just perfect and so are the themes.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:10/19/2008

Critique:I just came across this too... A great read indeed. The centered format, short lines and rhymes all helped build up the poem and reel the reader in. The different references to attacking gave it an armylike cadence. Really nice. I must admit the ending took me a bit by suprise. Thanks for this read.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Ale E
Critique Date:07/02/2008

Critique:I really loved this piece. I especially liked the ending. Very creative indeed. This is also very unique and it kept me entertained. I also wanted to let you know that it is a little hard to read this piece because the words are kind of covered. But Great write!
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: CountryAngel
Critique Date:07/02/2008

Critique:Very good write AGAIN ! I agree with Ale E, it was hard to read due to the cover up on the words....
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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