Class Assign - Free Verse : One-Stop Write Shop

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CATEGORY: Free Verse

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Class Assign

Happiness,

What does it really, truly mean?

To me it means living with a roof over my head,

Getting to eat food everyday,

Smiling,

Laughing,

Having a choice in who to marry and who to be friends and family with,

That is what happiness truly means to me!

What does it mean to not laugh or smile?

Well usually it's just that person's choice,

To not smile.

To not laugh,

So be happy!

Have fun and enjoy your life!

Don't waste it because you never know when it will be the last moment!

Live your life!

Laugh until you can't breathe!

Love your friends, family, and everyone around you!

Because you never will know how great it actually feels,

Until you just try it!

by auroragirl96 (Viewed 140 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	Katina
Critique Date:	08/19/2008

Critique:	The poem has a lot of potential, good start for the first draft! I like the way you have used the fragmented sentences throughout the poem. My favorite part of the poem is, " Happiness, What does it really, truly mean?" You bring the reader into your poem, by posting a question. This can be a very effective way to promote interest and keep the reader, "reading." There are several areas that I think could be revised to make the poem read better/clearer. Some of the fragmented sentences that begin with the word, "To not," could be re-worded. You may have to play around with the word choices throughout the poem to come up with better ways to describe the feelings associated with them. Take this sentence for instance: " Don't waste it because you never know when it will be the last moment!" I agree with it totally! However, the length of the line and the word, "because" makes the sentence sound a bit wordy. Remember when writing a free verse poem, that every line, stanza and word has a purpose. There is not specific rhyme scheme or meter needed when writing in the style of free verse. Although, the critic looks at each line as a whole and tries to determine "what the poem is trying to convey" why are some lines longer then others? Is there a purpose for the words "To Not" and if so, what is it? I hope this critique helps you to think about form, line length and word choices. Keep working on it and when you have completed your revision, I would be happy to read it and write another review. I think you have a lot of potential for writing poetry, it takes a lot of practice, and each poem that we write is different. Some poems require more work then others to get them right, and other times, it may take only a few hours to edit the work to make it publishable. Thank you Amber for submitting the poem, and for enrolling in the Fun, First Time Poetry Class, it has been a pleasure reading your work, and getting to know you! --Sincerely, Katina PS. I will submit my review of the poem via email. You don't have to worry about copying it from her to save it. Thanks!


Grade:

Given By:	madaddicted
Critique Date:	07/29/2008

Critique:	This is an uplifting poem. Very inspirational. My favorite line is "laugh until you can't breathe!" : )
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Grade:

Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	07/29/2008

Critique:	Your poem makes sence to me, happiness is a choice and a far better one then sorry and pain. Some people hate and are hated back for their attitude, the choice is simple "Don't worry, be happy."
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Grade:

Given By:	duckiesgirl96
Critique Date:	07/29/2008

Critique:	I love this poem! Actua;ly this is a poem I written and this is my second account!
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