I'm coming - Poetry : One-Stop Write Shop

CATEGORY: Poetry

I'm coming

I'm coming, I'm bringing my heart with me

I'm coming, I'm hoping in you let me

I'm coming, after what we went through

I'm coming, and hoping you'd forgive me.

by rimazz (Viewed 108 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	Katina
Critique Date:	07/31/2008

Critique:	I like the repetition of the phrase, "I'm coming." I do think you could do a lot more with the poem, there is a lot of emotion behind the words--I would suggest keep working on it, maybe add another stanza or some more descriptions to bring out more of that emotion. Good job writing the first draft. Thank you for sharing your poem with us. I will be sure to return to this and give you more feedback if you like. --Thanks, Katina


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Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	07/30/2008

Critique:	Short write but you get your message accross. The things we do for love even if it is one sided because you never know what the other person is thinking. The only thing that I would change is the second line to "I'm comming, hoping that you let me in." Hope this helps, Dennis
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