CATEGORY: Romance Writing
the lies we believe
I do love my boyfriend, or at least i thought i did. All thanks to brian. he had to enter my life months before our marriage. Justin and i have been together for almost 3 years. he proposed and i accepted. he felt like the man i was going to spend the rest of my life with. everything was perfect. he was like a prince dressed in white on a unicon. he was successful, loving, sweet and profound.he is everything a girl ever wants to marry. he was the one. well i was so sure until i met Brian.
by cody (Viewed 110 times)
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: |  Dennis 
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| Critique Date: | 08/13/2008 |
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| Critique: | A precarious predicument, one that deserves thought and consideration. Should she forfiet something that is sure and steady for the unknown relationship of another or is it just a fling. Maybe she was under too much pressure, caused by the wedding, and felt one last time. A thoughtful write. Thanks for sharing your work with us. |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | Katina
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| Critique Date: | 08/13/2008 |
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| Critique: | Hi, first I would like to welcome you to One Stop Write Shop! I believe you are the first member to have come from Singapore, great! About the writing, you have a good start here, however, as you probably know, it is just a start, which is why I have not rated it with a star (yet). The title is good, (it may need some capitalization. I will return to this piece after you add to it :) If I get busy, which I always do, and you revise it, you can always send me an IM or an email to let me know you have revised it. Or, you can add (revised) in the title of your story to let members know that you have changed a story so that you can get new feedback. The first step to creating a memorable piece of writing, is to first get the story on paper, (first draft). I don't think you need the sentence highlighted. You can easily change this. Sometimes, the formatting used in Microsoft Word carries without extra tags, which make posting your writing online a little hard. You can remove the highlighted area in Word, then re-paste if you are unable to using an online editor. I was not sure if you meant to keep the highlighted text or not. A first draft, gives the writer a way to get the story out, and committed to the page. In the 2nd draft, this is when you can add more to it, make edits, etc.. At OSWS, you can obtain feedback each time you revise your work. ---Sorry we are not able to using paragraphing in the critiques currently. This will change soon. Thanks again for joining the site and for posting your work. --Sincerely, Katina. |
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| Grade: | Needs Revised |
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