When There Is No End - Poetry : One-Stop Write Shop

CATEGORY: Poetry

[Relentless Writing 7 Tokens]

When There Is No End

In an instant it was over

No words spoken – you were just gone,

Left with thoughts and feeling

Not knowing what went wrong.

My heart filled with hurtful confusion

My mind spiralling out of control,

My body drained of all its will to love

Me - just left with an empty soul.

Too tired to ask the question of why, to hurt to feel the pain,

So lonely without your company, to lost to find you again.

by Trene (Viewed 640 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	soulpath
Critique Date:	03/01/2009

Critique:	A beautifuly and skillfuly crafted piece. By being non specific about the word loss, you leave it open to the reader to recall from their own experience what loss you refer too, whether it is the death of a loved one or whether the split up of a relationship. You describe perfectly the physical feeling of pain, without allowing the piece to become emotional, a point that is emphasised left with an empty soul, allowing the reader to loose themselves within the piece and experiencing their own hurt and pain from the loss of those they have lost. A truely remarkable piece. Thank You Mike


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Given By:	srashta
Critique Date:	12/07/2008

Critique:	Its xtremely a gud poem & a poem 2 share ur feelings if u hav lost ur loved ones


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Given By:	[Deleted User]
Critique Date:	10/29/2008

Critique:	I can relate to this vary well, and in the way you wrote this you nailed what it was I went through. One thing I notice was your last stanza Too tired to ask the question of why, to hurt to feel the pain So lonely without your company, to lost to find you again This may work better if you split them both, the first between why, to hurt, and the second between comany, to lost. You would not be adding anfthing just giving a lot more structure..........joe
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Given By:	kuirq
Critique Date:	09/03/2008

Critique:	The flow is really nice, and you were able to capture your feelings of abandonment succinctly. I wondered a bit though as to why your last stanza is not 4 lines like the first two? I think it would read better if you cut the lines into two since they were a bit too long. And you have left out the 'o' twice in that last stanza: in "too hurt to feel the pain" and "too lost to find you again"...I loved those lines in the last stanza. Thanks for sharing.


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Given By:	Sgt B
Critique Date:	09/02/2008

Critique:	You really expressed yourself very well in this one. I could feel your pain. I do know how bad it hurts when someone you love leaves you without even telling you why. Good job here. ~Ron~


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Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	08/18/2008

Critique:	Only true love can make a person feel what you discribe. The other party became a part of oneself and to loose that part abruptly without recouse or understanding is painful, to say the least. You certainly capture this feeling in your poem, specially in the last line "to lost to find you again." Enjoyed your poem, Dennis


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