My Potpourri of Feelings - Poetry : One-Stop Write Shop

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My Potpourri of Feelings

Author's note: This is my first experiment with poetry,any guidance would be highly appreciated.

My head feels light
Reasoning diminishes
Eyes seem to flutter
Wonder if this is how it finishes?

I feel a strong hold
A strange force that I can not neglect
It’s pulling me in
It’s something I cannot detect

A sinking feeling arises
I’m falling, it feels so wrong
It’s drawing me closer
Where is the place I belong?

It seems so strange
And yet so familiar
An eerie mix of emotions
But I feel I’ve been here!

What is this place?
A land of the lost?
Forgotten feelings?
Wonder what it’ll cost?

It’s right to leave
But my heart disagrees
I need to stay
It’s my only way

The light shines brighter
And now I see it
It’s my potpourri of feelings
I can feel it

My pulse seems to quicken
And mind works faster
It’s an amazing path
Wonder how I never crossed her?

Everything starts to fall in place
Things seem to sort out
Words become a melody
So easy to let out

They flow like a gushing river
Desperate to end its course
But will this happen again
Would I feel this binding force?

Letting down my defences
Getting in touch with my feminine side
Will it happen again?
Will I be able to abide?

My potpourri of feelings
Will you last longer?
I crave for more
It’s compelling hunger

But it’s time I let go
It’s time I go back
Feel like the stony figure
But I wish, you’d cut me some slack!

And then I think to myself
How will it ever begin?
Will I be able to drown myself
In this pool of potpourri again?

by enamoured (Viewed 95 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	kuirq
Critique Date:	08/29/2008

Critique:	The ubiquitous questioning indeed gives the reader a lot to ponder along with you. And even as the poem comes to an end, there is still a question that lingers...very much like the scent from potpourri, I should say. I like that you posed the question "Wonder if this is how it finishes?" in the first stanza and "How will it ever begin?" in the last. It's something to think about as to why you did so...but it's nice, something a bit different. Thank you for sharing this. I hope that you will be encouraged to write some more.
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Given By:	Katina
Critique Date:	08/28/2008

Critique:	Very good first exp with poetry! What I enjoyed most about the poem is the short sentences and the narrative style. Some first timers use a lot of forced rhyme--something that I didn't notice in your poem at all. In fact, the rhyme was not the most prevalent element here, it was the story, which makes the poem more of a narrative poem. Good work! The short sentences are also well done, with the exception of (missing punctuation (.) Since you used the (?) mark in some areas, it may read better if you were to incorporated commas, and periods for the other sentences. Just a suggestion. My favorite stanza: " My head feels light Reasoning diminishes Eyes seem to flutter Wonder if this is how it finishes?"--- The area I felt could use further review was the last two stanzas, only because the tone seems to change suddenly. In this couplet (two lines) the tone is optimistic, "Everything starts to fall in place Things seem to sort out." The tone changes a lot in the last two stanzas, it seems to go back to the beginning, and I wasn't sure if this was intended. " It’s time I go backFeel like the stony figureBut I wish, you’d cut me some slack!" The line, "Feel like the stony figure," may need another word, it seems to be missing the "That" in the sentences. Do you feel like the stony figure? If so, maybe you could say it like, "back to being...or, I feel like the ...." PS. I am working on making some changes to how critiques are given, (using rich text editing, so that we can use paragraphs when writing reviews. It may take a few months before all of the site additions are complete. I can send you my review in Microsoft Word if you like, also. Hope it helps a little. Keep up the good work. You have a gift for creative writing, its good that you are trying new things. The more you practice, and learn about the differing forms, the better writer you will be all the way around. Keep building up your writing portfolio! :)
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Given By:	CountryAngel
Critique Date:	08/28/2008

Critique:	Congratulations on the nice work ! I am a beginner to. You came to the best place OSWS, especially to get help if needed and always to learn more. Thanks for sharing.
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Given By:	bluemoon
Critique Date:	08/27/2008

Critique:	Hi there, if this is your first attempt at poetry then don't let it be your last. I think I need to read this a few more times but I do like it, it has an intrigue, a voyage of uncertain self discovery. I like the word potpourri in the title, it suits the many short thoughts & questions in your poem. One thing that stands out as being a little contradictory is 'a sinking feeling arises' maybe that feeling should descend, unless of course you wanted that contradiction. Thanks for sharing your first poem & keep writing. I may add to this when I've read again :)
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Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	08/27/2008

Critique:	You have a command of the English language and if this is your first poem, you did your work well. The poem touches upon alot of emotional feelings and leaves the reader wondering about their own mixed bag of personal feelings. The only line I would revise is "But I wish, you'd cut me some slack, it just messes with the flow in my opinion. All I can say is you are definately on the right track, Keep it comming. Dennis
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