Dead letters

Bleed Well

on August 4.  © Alba S., All rights reserved

Dead letters 1

February 21 2

Dear Sabrina3

I am on the edge of the razorblade .Sometimes I feel like I want to drown and never breathe. Sometimes I feel like I have to cut my flesh and let blood flow .Maybe I should float in my river of gloom .Maybe I should… You see how pathetic my life is .Life?!I do not have a life .You stole it from me.4

Today I woke up and came around in circles .Yesterday I did not sleep. Your face is haunting me.5

I’d like to see your corpse love even only for few seconds. I am sure death did not ruin your beautiful face.6

Wait for me love .I am not dead.7

Sabrina checked the mail box. Outside her front yard snow blanked everything with her icy purity .She was freezing .With one single move she opened the metal box and found to her surprise a red envelope .8

It ‘s way too strange. This box has been empty for long time and now…Now somebody ‘s got reminded of me .For poor Sabrina .9

Every word caused her pain. It was as if she was being tortured from those italic words carved in blue. Her wrist started bleeding and she couldn’t do nothing but stare at the scarlet lines in the snow. The scarlet lines lingered forming strange icy images that embraced her pain. A small rose bloomed in snow .It’s petals red as blood. Each petal sweet as death . She wanted to feel the rose in her bare skin ,feel the touch of each petal in her untouched lips. Like she had never felt anything before .It was her rose and she had to get .That rose belonged to her .The rose that bloomed in her blood .10

The bloody scarlet images went with the wind leaving behind her weak body freezing to death .11

Next morning she lied on her bed .Unable to get up .She felt nothing but pain. Heard nothing but the sound of the razorblade. Smelled nothing but her own blood. Her eyes saw nothing but hung bodies in land of misery. And she would be the next .12

I am safe in here .This my room. My shelter .My…She grabbed her porcelain doll and start moving in circles staring at her blue eyes. For a second she had the feeling that the doll watched her. An evil grin covered the porcelain face as her eyes lit with excitement .Then she licked her lips , tasting tears of pain .Her eyes were wide open as she did some strange moves as if trying to say something .Tears wet her porcelain face .Bloody tears that send shivers down her spine .13

-No!-she cried in pain.14

She felt a cut in her back .Down on her knees she stood on the cold floor. Her pale hands folded together as if she was praying in silence. Wishing ,hoping that all this would come to an end .She felt lost ,abandoned in that cold winter day .No one was by her side. She wondered if people would come on her funeral.15

Memories came back .Knocked on her mind just like the old times, waiting to haunt her .Those long gone memories had his name. They were made from him. Herself was their eternity .She ‘d loved Micah more then anyone else in this world. But her only sin was that she didn’t know how to love. Never opened her heart to his love. He left her one cold day. He went with the rain ,leaving behind nothing but a dead rose.Nothing but the corpse of their unconsumed love.16

Maybe you’re in the arms of a beautiful girl .A much more beautiful girl that devours your hungry soul.And I… Trying to be always so good and perfect ended up bleeding in this hell .17

-Why me ?-she cried .18

The porcelain doll crushed in the ground .Her face was broken in pieces. The doll left her alone in her cruel destiny .In what hell of a world I live? No one answered .It was her turn to say something .World?19

Forget it dear. Mortals do not like you .I fear to say that you belong among the dead .I know .I’ve always known the truth. That venomous truth that is poisoning my life .20

I’ve lost control of my own self .I think I’m going crazy .This is all too …weird .Help! I need my life back.21

She slapped herself as hard as she could .Her soul didn’t deserve such a pain ,but her body didn’t seem to care.22

-Go away !-she shouted .Give myself back ! Now !23

-No!-answered the voice from deep inside .Never!24

-Why?25

-Because your body belongs to me. Your soul too.26

-Never! I prefer dying instead of giving you my soul. 27

-Then die .Hades is waiting for your beautiful body.He has waited for a long time.28

-I am not a afraid of death .I’m afraid of not being able to say ‘’I love you “.I’m afraid of not knowing love .29

The voice didn’t answer. He’d gone somewhere else .She stood all by herself in that damned room.30

The letter .The letter hurt her ,tortured her .Those blue letters crawled deep inside her skin driving her insane .Haunting her ,making her feel guilty .Was she guilty just because she hadn’t hold him in her heart ?Was she guilty because she’d never said “I love you “ ? Was she…? Maybe she was ,maybe she wasn’t but she was paying for her way of living.31

Does he hate me?Does he love me ? Do I hate him? Do I love him? Endless questions bloomed like thorns in her skin.So white and fragile was a face always hidden from the sun,trying to sail away .Away from those two blue pools who were waiting for her corps .Waiting for her weak body to sink in those depths .32

I’ve got to break free !Free of own memories ,free of my past .I have to give love a chance .What if I’m not able to love? What if …? 33

-Shut up !-she said to herself. Just act like a human.34

February 22 35

Dear Micah36

You’re not pathetic my love. We’ve tried to kill each other ,tear each other apart ,but we couldn’t .We both failed .You and I got lost in this infernal game that we once decided to play. Let’s start living again. Our hearts deserve a second chance ,our bodies too.37

Yours Sabrina .38

Her sweet words sent his soul on fire. He knew that he was alive again. 39

The end .

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