CATEGORY: Poetry


Wrong Room

The hurt that I feel,
Is more than on my face.
It goes deep inside,
To that dark hidden place.


That place where hope dies,
And care has stopped moving.
Where rain dares not go,
For fear of never leaving.


Warmth may never come,
To this tomb called regret.
Its power has faded,
Once strong, now is dead.


The lone prisoner sits,
Marking time long forgotten.
What? A noise, is it...
Is that someone at the door?


Does someone care?
Are they coming here to help?
Will I finally hear,
Kind words of acceptance?


Handle turns slowly,
The door holds, then opens.
Time pauses in stagnant air,
A shadow stands at the door.


Waning strength rushes,
To an arm lying in my lap.
Rising slowly in hope,
A finger points to the face.


Eyes of the stranger,
Widen in silent recognition.
The heart jumps,
Breath quickens and then he relaxes.


The door begins to close,
Leaving the stagnant moment behind.
One solitary voice,
Echoes down years and brings pain to this heart...


"Wrong Room!"


 



by writer-illustrator (Viewed 195 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Sgt B
Critique Date:10/23/2008

Critique:I loved the emotion you had in this one. I liked the twist as well. ~Ron~
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Katina
Critique Date:09/06/2008

Critique:Wow! I\'ll have to read it a few more times to understand the metaphors/symbolism used, at first read all I can say is wow. The words are emotion packed. The narrative style is something I enjoyed the most. A story of someone who is faced with pain, isolation, and confusion--of what I could not tell. I liked that you did not tell all in the poem. There is a mysterious feel to the poem. Good work Randy, BTW, I still have your flash fiction story/comments not yet submitted by email. I need three clones of me, one to keep me on track and the other to do the boring marketing work that must be done. LOL. Nice job. Keep up the great writing. I am a fan!
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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