CATEGORY: Novel Chapters


BULL JUSTICE (Chapter 1)

CHAPTER ONE


                It was an unusually clear springtime night in Chicago. From the top of the John Hancock Tower on Michigan Avenue, Giovanna Carlucci watched the stars rain luminosity over Lake Michigan. The play of light intensified the shimmering look of the water in the glow. There was magical feel to the evening as she stood alone in a corner of the cocktail lounge silently rehearsing her speech.


So instead of checking out 20-story office buildings on Monday, I'll be watching bulls being enticed and teased by...well, cute lady cows. All that in an effort to collect the necessary, well, you know, to inseminate thousands of lady cows without intimacy. Just like a guy, huh? Avoiding intimacy? Giovanna's eyes closed as she reviewed the timing in her head. That sounds funny...that should get a laugh. Timing was everything in a joke.


Petite and in her early thirties, Giovanna was dressed in a couture Chanel dinner suit and her signature four-inch stiletto heels tonight were black alligator and made by Prada. Diamond studs adorned each ear and sparkled in contrast to her ebony hair and fair skin. She appeared younger and taller with a shapely figure accented by long attractive legs. While not a classic beauty, she put forth a sexy quality that turned heads. Though short in stature, Giovanna's personality was anything but diminutive.


                An only child raised by a single working mother, Giovanna was fiercely independent. She had carved out a successful career selling commercial real estate in Chicago. Along with friend and partner Jonathan Stiles, she had founded Choice Realty seven years ago. Now a premier commercial real estate firm with twenty-five employees, they ranked second in the state of Illinois in sales. Her accomplishments were hard fought in a field where competition was ferocious and they were sweeter because of that. Her partner and employees would call her tough but fair.


Giovanna never asked anything of anybody that she wouldn't do herself. Quick witted and intelligent she negotiated complicated deals with a deportment that set the standard for her employees at Choice Realty. Known to be hard working, she had a plaque placed prominently over her desk that was emblazoned with the phrase, "SALESMANSHIP BEGINS WHEN THE CUSTOMER SAYS ‘NO.'" She lived the credo in every area of her life and tenacity became as much a trade mark for Giovanna as her stiletto heels, stark black hair, and alluring smile. Armed with an undergraduate degree from Loyola University, no one was surprised when she earned her MBA from The University of Chicago in a record eighteen months. Her mother, her best friend, had worked countless hours as a housekeeper to insure Giovanna's success. When she felt guilty about her Mother's sacrifices and decided to quit, it was her mother who kicked her verbally until she came to her senses. A week after she earned her MBA, a heart attack took her mother and best friend home. Before her last breath, she urgently prodded Giovanna,


"Keep going sweetheart. You're smart and beautiful and there isn't anything but success waiting for you out there. Be you, be independent, and stay sharp. Remember, I'll be watching you."


Desolate for her loss, it was those words that echoed whenever she felt the slightest niggling of self-doubt. Feeling her mother's eyes upon her made Giovanna raise her head high and trod forward determinedly. Particularly after her death, she was unwavering in her effort to validate her mother's life.


Jonathan Stiles hired Giovanna as an assistant to a commercial broker in a long respected Chicago real estate firm. After observing her energetic style and her commanding intellect, he launched the idea of founding Choice Realty as partners. Giovanna accepted the challenge with vigor. Already married with a young child when they met, Jonathan couldn't help but be taken with the firecracker, Giovanna. His instinct had proven to be astute and Choice Realty had grown at an astounding pace in a highly competitive market.


His admiration was never allowed to blossom beyond that. Giovanna made it clear early on that her career was her love and her lover. While admitting to finding him attractive she stopped way short of being attracted to him. She was adamant that their situation remain constant - business only and personal only if it included his wife. All these years later she had become his wife's closest confidant, godmother to their second child and his very best friend. It was Jonathan's wife Stephanie that introduced Giovanna to her husband Richard.


*


Jonathan proved a good balance to Giovanna. Mid-forties, tall and attractive, he exuded a quiet composed strength in contrast to her fervent ball of energy. He graduated in the top five per cent from The University of Michigan Law School and worked mostly behind the scenes at Choice Realty. It was Jonathan's firm hand that established policy and demanded profitability when a salesman's nature overtook logic. He had the respect of employees and competitors alike


Giovanna had not only earned the respect of their employees and competitors, she unknowingly elicited a modicum of fear as well. Slightly more volatile in nature, their employees were never quite certain what situation would bring about an emotional response. She was attached to her business, her customers and her employees in that personal way only a female executive can be. Her strength came from her intelligence mixed in with a healthy dose of heart. The competition knew that when Choice Realty was involved, Giovanna Sabbatini could get creative in ways they never knew existed in order to close a deal. Being the architect of her carefully constructed veneer, she was pleased to be admired and feared and worked assiduously to keep her image just so.


 


 


*


A trio playing soft jazz set a mood that was festive in an elegant way. Fashionable people in smart evening attire mingled throughout the room, delicately balancing martini glasses or champagne flutes with Judith Leiber evening bags or glass plates of hors d' oeuvres.


Striding confidently across the room, Giovanna stepped onto the stage and took the microphone. Signaling for the music to stop, she turned and faced her audience. Conversations faded as all eyes turned toward s her.


"I just wanted to thank all of you for coming to my combination party." Her smile was bright and genuine. "Jonathan, my partner...well, my ex-partner as of three o'clock today...and I signed the paperwork earlier this afternoon, making him the sole proprietor of Choice Realty.


Giovanna looked across the room as Jonathan raised his glass in salute and nodded in her direction with a smile. "Even in my absence, I'm sure business will continue its strong growth under Jonathan's leadership. He's one hell of a businessman and I deeply respect and admire him."


There was half-hearted applause from the crowd as she continued.


"I'm sad to be selling my part of the business and I'll miss commercial real estate and all of the wonderful friends I've made throughout the industry. " She paused looking out over the crowd as she spotted her colleagues scattered on velvet chairs and leather couches.


"Yet I'm flattered that my husband finds my sales ability worthy enough to sell bull sperm." Laughter rippled through the room like the wave at a football game, as Giovanna observed the looks being exchanged among the crowd.


 


*


She knew the genesis of those looks. Who knew that she would ever yield her independence and give up a successful career to work with her husband? Or would she be working for her husband. The distinction was more than semantics. She wanted them to somehow know that the decision hadn't been as difficult as they imagined. But she couldn't tell them that Richard had approached her in a highly vulnerable state. The company, while successful, was becoming stagnant as Mom and Pop farms were being bought out by corporations. The competition had gotten a jump on them, and GenTec had recently stolen some customers that Richard had taken for granted. They were his personal accounts - they dealt only with him, not the sales department, or even the Vice President of Sales. Feeling his legacy threatened, he asked for her help.


Her husband had been her biggest supporter and cheerleader as she helped build Choice Realty. That he would ask for her help both humbled and flattered her. For seven years he had suffered her long hours, weekends away from home, and countless take out dinners. He never blinked when she served him a sloppy Joe and tater tot dinner one Sunday after a particularly exhausting week. Hi s complaints had been few and only because he missed spending time with her. When she told him she didn't want kids, he didn't argue, even though Giovanna knew he could have easily been swayed the other way. He had four godchildren and spoiled them all.


How could she refuse him now? She respected the price he paid by asking her. He needed her and she knew she could help. It was his turn. She loved him. Besides, she was looking forward to spending time with him, too.


 


 


*


 "Oh you can laugh... spare me the jokes please...I've heard them all...but my husband Richard has turned a small business that his father founded way back when into a world-wide success. I'm thrilled I'm going to be a part of the family business in a more direct way. I'll be learning the ropes and spending time in the field to better acquaint myself with the nuances of bovines and bulls. Hopefully I can fulfill my husband's expectations and be a real contributor after I'm trained. So instead of checking out 20-story office buildings on Monday, I'll be watching bulls being enticed and teased by...well, cute lady cows. All that in an effort to collect the necessary, well, you know, to inseminate thousands of lady cows without intimacy. Just like a guy, huh? Avoiding intimacy? Laughter rippled through the room. Giovanna, relieved that she had gotten the desired reaction, transitioned flawlessly into a teasing repartee as she lifted the microphone from the stand, wrapped her slender fingers around it in a fist, and slipped the cord between her legs exacting a wide stance.


"Sort of like I lure Richard...and believe me, he's just as awesome as those bulls." The laughter was now cacophonous as the crowd turned towards him.


Richard Carlucci, suited in the latest Armani blue pin-striped fashion, crisp white shirt, red patterned tie, and diamond cufflinks that could knock your eyes out, winked at his wife of six years. His eyes squinted in an appreciative smile, pleased at the compliment.


"You got that right baby," he shouted as he raised his glass of Scotch and slammed back a drink.


Giovanna's throaty laugh reverberated through the microphone turning the crowd's attention back towards her and the stage.


"So enjoy yourselves everybody at my Goodbye Choice Realty, Hello, Applied Genetics Corporation party. It's a sad but joyous occasion if you can appreciate that." He laugh sounded slightly choked, and her greenish brown eyes became brighter with unshed tears.


"I'm happy you could be here. And for those of you at Choice Realty..." Trailing off, Giovanna reached for a fresh glass of champagne just handed her and raised it high. "I hope we never lose touch."


Turning to the other side of the room she raised her glass again. "And to my new friends at AGC, I hope you'll view me now as just one of the guys and NOT the boss's wife. I look forward to working with you." Giovanna replaced the microphone in the stand and stepped down from the stage as the trio began playing their smooth jazz once again. Scattered applause accompanied her journey through the crowd, as she paused to shake outstretched hands and return air kisses with sincerity. All the while, her eyes never left the face of her husband, Richard Carlucci.


Watching her make her way through the crowd to him, his face was adorned by a satisfied smile. Holding out his arms, she steps into them. Pushing dark strands of hair away from her face, he nuzzled into her neck as he whispered, "Thank you baby...I love you...this is gonna work out great, you'll see...trust me baby...I got your back."


He couldn't see her moist eyes as she whispered, "I know baby...I know."



by jacquiegum (Viewed 131 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:09/29/2008

Critique:Denns is too generous with you. You can write, no question, but you tend to overwrite. Your opening sentence stopped me. Why shouldn't a spring night in Chicago be clear. Reading on, I see you repeat the same thing in a different way,. Learn to self-edit. Let's take your first para and see how it could grab attention. ------------------------------------  A spring night in Chicago. From the top of the John Hancock Tower on Michigan Avenue, Giovanna Carlucci watched the stars rain luminosity over the waters of Lake Michigan. The evening felt magical. Reluctantly she returned to rehearsing her speech as she stood alone in a corner of the cocktail lounge.---------------------- Whatever you put in, is here - and more, you have corrected the confusion. She could not be watching the stars and rehearsing at the same time. You don't need silently. Credit your reader with a little intelligence to know she would not be rehearsing aloud in a cocktail lounge. ------------------------- Go through the chapter and cut out every single useless word. (e.g. ...her signature four-inch stiletto heels tonight were black alligator and made by Prada.) You don't need 'tonight.' You have already established the stars were out and reflecting on the lake.------------------------------------------  Now, you are beginning a novel. You have to get right into the story. All the background information can come much later, preferably in conversation. Keep us in the cocktail lounge. Paras 4-11 inclusive should be separate as notes (which is what they read like). Place them on another sheet for use later. The start of a novel is not the place for so much telling and no showing. Keep your story moving. I hope you will edit this so that I can start reading again and offering a 4-star grade. Because, you certanly can write.
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Grade:Needs Revised


Given By: david lavisher
Critique Date:09/29/2008

Critique:Hi, my opinion differs from the one given previously.  Unlike poetry or other forms of writing the story teller should give as much information as possible in order to build pictures for the reader, if that criterion isn't met then a visit to a movie would be more in keeping. The story so far is a good read, sentences fully loaded, a writer working at her/his craft (I'm not happy with ‘thin' sentencing and hollow paragraphs). Your characters are well identified, story progression is excellent, the piece has the potential to keep holding interest provided the story doesn't tail-off half way through and become mainly padding in order to satisfy the page count.  There is an unnecessary word in the paragraph beginning :- Jonathon Stiles/ the sentence 'After observing her energetic style and her commanding intellect.'  The second 'her' is superfluous.  The paragraph beginning :- 'Desolate for her loss...' should read, 'Desolate from her loss' and further into the the para. the word 'trod' should read 'tread' In the paragraph beginning,' So enjoy yourselves... the third sentence should begin 'His' rather than 'He'.  Most of these small innacuracies would be picked up in publishers editing anyway.  I'm not too sure in what context the end of the final paragraph 'I got your back.' is being used. That apart the story is good.  
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Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:09/27/2008

Critique:I simply loved it, sincerely, how you developed your main character to be a herione with extream abilities and yet, still have a passionate and caring heart. Well developed and presented. Seems you have the ability to catch the readers full attention in the first chapter. That is what it takes to keep them reading and selling books. I am impressed with how you set it up and followed through, probably alot of thought going into it. The best way I can compliment you is to tell you as a writer myself, would I keep reading and not put the book down, you better believe it. You have something going on here Jacquie, keep pumping out the work, make it work for you. Great job, keep on writing. Dennis
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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