CATEGORY: Free Verse
Ode to My Cubicle
Some people love cubicles
They truly do not care
That they have to sit still for hours
On an ergonomic chair.
Some people love their cubicles
They even make theirs more cozy
Things from home, pictures and such,
These are enough to make them happy.
Some people are not such creatures
They cannot bear to be contained
Eight or more hours with no sun and little movement
The torture of every moment, every hour, is disdained.
by astaclara@yahoo.com (Viewed 53 times)  Show Brief Description
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: |  kuirq 
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| Critique Date: | 10/01/2008 |
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| Critique: | I can just imagine what you mean. I like your choice of theme, from something so mundane as a cubicle, you were able to write something quite amusing. And yet, there is also a hint of wistfulness in the end. Thanks for sharing, and I'll see you around! |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  Katina
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| Critique Date: | 09/29/2008 |
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| Critique: | The humor is what I enjoyed the most about the poem. The rhyme is working for the most part in this first draft. Some of the lines may need restructured (less words) to keep the flow of the piece going. Take for example: "
Some people love their cubicles
They even make theirs more cozy
Things from home, pictures and such,
These are enough to make them happy."
The second and fourth line could be revised (less one syllable), to create a nice flowing rhythm. With more emphasis placed on the second line, it sort of breaks up the flow when you read this particular line. The other area of the poem, that may need reviewed is close to the end, "
Eight or more hours with no sun and little movement
The torture of every moment, every hour, is disdained."
(I would recommend taking off the ...and little movement" perhaps, and maybe break up the last line (The torture of every moment----every hour is [quite]? disdained. The reason I added the extra word there is to give the sentence (if you were to make this long sentence into two (the same number of syllables--which would help to keep the flow going. These are just suggestions. Sorry for the formatting of this critique, we are going to change how reviews are displayed, to allow paragraphs, I can't wait.
Thank you for sharing your work with us. Please let me know when you revise the poem, I would be happy to return to it and rate it again :) We are revising our rating system currently, the 2 stars is really a good rating, 3 being almost to publication standards and 4 for its ready to be submitted for publication.
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | Dennis
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| Critique Date: | 09/28/2008 |
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| Critique: | Your write just goes to show, different strokes for different folks. Some people sit in those cubicles hour after hour because they do not have another choice, according to them anyhow. That is how they bring money home to their families, although, if it is torture move on to find something that either you like or at least bearable. Good write, enjoyed it and made me think. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | raenie
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| Critique Date: | 09/28/2008 |
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| Critique: | A truly relatable poem! I too have experienced being stuck in that ergonomic chair, & I was not a happy camper...
Your write flowed well, and the rhyming lends a singsong quality to it when I read it--thanks for sharing. |
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