| CATEGORY: Free Verse |
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She is a Tonic I Wish to Drink
A rose in the quiet, she blooms.
Her cheeks blushed with awkward grace.
Long fingers lost in
dark brown tangled hair.
I watch her...
I watch her eat her muffin,
sip her coffee and dog-ear
the corner of her book.
She glances in my direction -
I blush furiously,
hiding further behind my book.
Leaving, she passes close.
The wind trailing her
carries a tendril of her perfume;
I drink her in.
by Sam U Elle
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: |   Ronin Sumomo 
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| Critique Date: | 02/22/2009 |
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| Critique: | This is a really good piece because as a man "I drink her in" all the time. I have found that drinking her in is more sensual than trying to have her. Oh, the power of a woman and her scent. |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  enamoured
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| Critique Date: | 11/04/2008 |
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| Critique: | An amazing write Sam U Elle!! Surely brings back some sweet memories:)....Love the imagery and flow of the poem...great work!**Shreya** |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: |   bluemoon
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| Critique Date: | 11/02/2008 |
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| Critique: | A beautiful image created by the perfect choice of words. Not much else to say really, another great poem. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: |  CountryAngel
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| Critique Date: | 11/01/2008 |
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| Critique: | Sam U Elle,
I must say this brought back many memories..
Nice write of young LOVE. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | Dennis
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| Critique Date: | 10/31/2008 |
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| Critique: | Its called love that so many men discover while young, specially the first encounter, cannot do wrong in your eyes, possibly bliss or blind, what a wonderful feeling and you say it so well. Brings back memories and if a few words can do that then your write is very effective. Thanks much for sharing. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 10/31/2008 |
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| Critique: | First encounters oh how wonderful they are, and in the way you depict this first encounters brings back such occasions of my own.
Footsteps as lite as air
Stomach sceaming of joy unknoun
A woman in heave,s form
speaks of pleasure a lifetime sought.
The path our journey takes
cause's our search to meander
On the wondering road of love
We encounter those few we lust
These first impressions
Those who bring our lust forward
They disapear as quickly as they appear
If you reading this poem
Are one of the few
Who have advanced past this lustful stage
congratulions
Hey that not bad for writing off the top of my head, and thank you for this wonferful poem I enjoyed it greatly............joe |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: |  raenie
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| Critique Date: | 10/31/2008 |
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| Critique: | In a word--beautiful--your poem really stirs the emotions of love, takes the reader inside the mind of a man struck by Cupid. The imagery that you used is also very effective, especially in your first two lines...And I can't help but smile, particularly the last stanza. Thanks for sharing! Welcome to OSWS Sam U Elle! Looking forward to read more of your works :) |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 10/31/2008 |
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| Critique: | hey, speculation about other people is a very interesting pastime, suppose most people do it at some time or other. By leaving a full stop after, 'I watch her.' (first line, 3rd verse) you alter the meaning of what you've written. I think it should read //'I watch her eat her muffin, sip her...' //or are you really 'eating her muffin, sipping her coffee and dog-earing the corner of her book while you watch her. That apart it's a very nice cameo. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: |  kuirq
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| Critique Date: | 10/31/2008 |
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| Critique: | From the very first line, a beautiful scene unfolds. Your words are chosen well, the details you include make the scene all the more real. I especially like the part of hiding further behind the book, it was pretty amusing detail, getting caught while observing. Thanks for sharing. |
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| Grade: | |
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