Freak Unique ~ Chapter One

Slowly I opened my eyes, hearing nothing but the sounds of a clock ticking, each second longer than a lifetime. Darkness. I could see nothing but pitch black. But it wasn’t dark, something bright above me that dazed my eyes told me that. My vision was blinded by something pulled tight over my head. I went to put a hand to my face, trying to lift the bag from my head. Only now realising that I couldn’t. I was paralysed, unable to move my body. Shackles tied me down onto the cold, hard surface of the operating table. They dug hard into my flesh as I struggled. I panicked, feeling beads of sweat pour down my face, drenching my body. My heart was racing fast, beating hard against my skin. My stomach twisted with fear, my insides turned inside out. I grew cold, my body shaking uncontrollably. I went to scream, though no sound passed my lips.

The sounds of footsteps squeaking on the polished floor made my body tense. I held my breathe, not even daring to breathe.

 He was here. The Doctor.

The sounds of his heavy breathing echoed through my ears. The bag from over my head loosened, the white lights above me piercing my eyes. A figure dressed in white approached, leaning his face over mine. I knew then that I was going to die, that he was going to kill me. I shuddered as I heard the heavy scrape of metal on a tray. He drew nearer to me, the needle in his hand…

I awoke, drenched in sweat, the sounds of my screaming still hoarse in my throat. A stab of pain still shooting up my arm from where I’d been leaning on it for so long. That same dream again. The one I’d woken up to constantly nearly every night for the past eight years. Only this time it was a little different to usual. This time he wanted to inflict pain, this time he wanted to kill me….

I shuddered, shaking the nightmare out of my mind. Only this wasn’t a nightmare, it was real. Today was the day, the day of my sixteenth birthday. It was here again and, the operation was upon me. I kicked my covers of me, feeling something damp and wet that clung to my body. Please let this be sweat, just this once I thought. I checked below me, the familiar smell of urine burning my nose. I cringed, my cheeks hot. Today was going to be a long day, and, I’d just made it worse.

Ever since The Doctor had arrived eight years ago things had changed. Bed-wetting was one of them. It was something I had no control over. Something that happened whenever the dreams came to me. I could still remember the day he arrived at the hospital. He appeared in the dead of night, no warning about his arrival. I heard the loud, rapping of the door as I lay in my bed, my eyes wide with fear, wondering who this could be. We never had visitors. Jumping out of bed I tiptoed into the hallway, hiding myself behind the darkness of the shadows. As I peered over the stairs I saw my fathers image at the door. His back hiding the figure that was before him. As he moved slightly, I saw a dark figure standing in the doorway, its coat flapping in the wind.

After that I ran back into my room, pulling the covers tight over me, a little afraid of what I’d just seen. Waking up the next morning I was sure it had been a dream, that was until my father came into the room, his face guilty and apologetic. As he moved I saw the strange figure that I had seen the night before, hovering in the doorway.

 “This man is The Doctor” my father told me “He’s going to be staying here for a while” he said, not looking entirely happy about it. From that day on it was like he had always been here. He came and went as he pleased, leaving for a few nights then coming back again. For a while it was fine, he never even talked to me. I stayed out of his way and he stayed out of mine, I liked it that way. But then, things started to change. One day my father took me to a room I grew to hate. A room that would soon haunt my memories and my dreams. As I looked to see what was happening I saw The Doctor standing over me, a needle in his hand. My body became defenceless. I grew terrified, trying to move my body. But the more I tried the harder it became. I couldn’t remember anything after that.

Putting my ear to the wall I listened for the sounds of any movements next door. None. The sounds of his heavy breathing told me that he was still asleep. At least my screaming hadn’t woken him up.

 Forcing myself out of bed I walked over to the shabby wardrobe that stood in the corner of my little room. Dust and cobwebs clung to the top of the wardrobe and one of the doors, rusted, bronze handles was still missing, worn of with age. I yanked the wardrobe hard by the handle, causing the doors to swing open and hit me full force in the face. I rubbed my cheek, sure that a bruise was forming. I had to stop doing that.

 There wasn’t much to my wardrobe. Old, worn clothes that had once been my fathers and which I still hadn’t grown into. He had been buying me newer clothes recently though, I had to thank him for that.

 Sitting on the edge of my bed, I waited for my father. Today, I was going to be good. I’d do whatever they asked me to do. It was easier that way, easier to have this over and done with.

Slowly I lifted my pillow, taking the book out of its hiding place. Pride and Prejudice. For the past few months I’d been in love with the character Elisabeth Bennet. I’d read through her ups and downs more than twice already. I loved everything about her and yearned to learn more. Reading was a good way to find out more about woman, who, were still a mystery to me.

“Ollie!” I sat up, realising that I’d gone into a trance. At times I would feel myself drifting off unaware of my presence around me. I hadn’t noticed he’d come in, didn’t hear his footsteps on the stairs. I lifted my head, now looking at the man who stood over me. My father. I was the image of my dad, looking at him was like looking at my twin or a much older version of me. We both had the mop of untidy jet-black hair, the same oval shaped face and deep, hazel eyes. The only difference were the little bumps and scars that ran along his nose and forehead, which till this day I still don’t know how he got. He stood over me, his body soaring over mine. He was at least six feet tall, I was nowhere near catching up to him yet.

“Ollie? Are you listening to me?” he said, clicking his fingers in front of my face. Slowly I hid the book behind my back, still not sure whether he’d seen it or not. I looked into his face, guessing what mood he was in. It was always so hard to guess lately. His usual hazel eyes were red and sunken, now that I’d looked close enough. Something else that I had noticed about him in the coming weeks. His brows were lowered, and his eyes low. He looked at me with thunder on his face. He didn’t look in a good mood today. He towered over me, so close that I could smell his breath on my face. I covered my nose.

“Ollie? Are you being completely ignorant?” he yelled, spit frothing from his mouth. No, he didn’t seem happy at all.

“Yes. I mean no, I fell asleep father,” I lied, opening my eyes a little wider and blinking expressively. I lowered my head, avoiding eye contact. Holding tight onto the book behind my back I tried hiding it under the covers and out of sight.

“More like daydreaming. You shouldn’t lie Ollie.”

 “Yes, I was thinking, about today…” I said, now remembering the promise he’d made to me when I turned sixteen.

“Your always thinking you.” he cut me short, changing the subject. I sighed, he always did that.

“What have you been up to?” he asked, now pulling up my chin and looking into my eyes.

“Nothing” I mumbled, trying my best to out stare him and not to look away. But I failed miserably. I looked away, unable to look him in the eyes.

“Then why the guilty face? You look shifty. You keeping something from me?”

“No, honest.” I said, already feeling my face burning. I had never been a great liar.

“It’s written all over your face. Are your sheets wet?” I nodded, my cheeks getting hotter. I hid my face in my lap, too ashamed to even look at him. I was sixteen, not a five year old. Normal sixteen year olds didn’t do this, even I knew that.

“It’s fine, nothing to be embarrassed about Ollie. I didn’t stop until I was your age, after I left…” he stopped, finishing his sentence.

 I shook my head, “It’s not fine. Not when he’s here.” I added, putting emphasise on the word he. We both knew who that meant.

“It will be. I’ll change the sheets over, that’s what I’ll do. You can have mine and I’ll wash these later, he needn’t know” I forced a smile. He was trying, I had to give him that. Me and my father against the doctor, it sounded too good to be true. He pulled the covers from my bed, then the sheets. I forgot for a moment why I’d been lying to him. I made a grab for the book, hiding it quickly under my jumper.

“What’s that?” he asked as I looked straight into his eyes.

“What? Can I open my present now?” I tried, a smile of my face. It didn’t work. I wasn’t as skilled as my dad when it came to distractions.

“Don’t change the subject. You have something behind your back. Hand it over” unwillingly I handed him the book, knowing that not doing so would only cause him to get angry. I didn’t want a sudden mood change in him now. I waited, feeling a pang of dread in my stomach.

 “Where did you get this?” he asked, his face serious.

 “Library.” I replied, knowing that he wouldn’t like this. The library had been forbidden ever since I learnt that word.

“You know your not to go in there”

“I’m sorry,” I said, hoping that this would put a stop to the conversation.

“If this keeps happening then I’m going to have to start locking your door again, I don’t want to do that Ollie. You know how the Doctor feels about it. Your not to go wandering, especially when he’s around. Okay?”

“Yes father,” I said hoping he’d leave the room and forget about it. I couldn’t promise anything.

“Good boy. Anyway, happy birthday, Ollie darling” he smiled, leaning over and kissing my forehead. His stubble prickling my chin. I shuddered at the word. Darling.That was weird. It just didn’t sound right, didn’t feel right either. I turned red, embarrassed.

“Thank you dad” I said, looking away from him. I went to wipe the kiss away, then thought better of it. I didn’t want him asking questions. I’d only make him angry.

“Here.” he said, now handing me the small, rectangular package he held in his hands. I admired it, my hands feeling the shiny, blue wrapping paper.

 “Well, aren’t you going to open it, birthday boy?” slowly and carefully I opened the parcel, trying hard to show a look of surprise on my face. I already knew what this was, sketchpad with pencils, just like very other year.

“Thanks,” I enthused, much too greatly. I wasn’t ungrateful. Drawing was something that I enjoyed doing, but it wasn’t something I needed. We barely had enough money for food, which the Doctor only gave monthly.

 “Dad, you know you should stop buying me these things. Food’s more important.” I said, feeling guilty. At least it wasn’t as bad as last year. Last year it had been music, clothes and a whole lot of other stuff I didn’t need. I told him to take it all back, said that I didn’t like them. I didn’t think he’d listen to me, but he did. He moped around for days after that, barely even talking to me. I felt horrid with myself after, but I couldn’t have him going hungry again just for buying me gifts. I’d prefer not to have anything.

 “It’s your birthday, everyone gets gifts on their birthday. I have a surprise for you later, after he’s gone.” I smiled, even though I knew he meant after the Doctor had finished with me.

 “Are you going to tell me?” I grinned, already excited. This operation would be worth it if he told me about that word.

 “Tell you what?”

 “You know… about…”

 “Not today Ollie,” he said, again cutting me short “No, this is something different. Something better.”

I frowned, what could be better than what I needed to know? The only other thing I truly wanted was to take a stand on the outside. At times I hated being here, seeing the same thing every day. Not being able to go beyond these four walls and not even feel the outside air. I wished more than anything to take a stand outside, would have a hundred birthdays in one day just to smell the taste of freedom, just to walk barefoot upon the newly mown grass, just to feel the rain hitting me hard soaking me through. But that wasn’t possible; I had to stay here, in this rundown hospital.

 “You promised” I whined. I was acting like a child, a spoilt child. But he had promised. He’d said that when I turned sixteen he’d tell me about it. All about the wonders of the world and how we were made. All about that three letter word sex.

“I didn’t promise anything” he muttered, now looking away from me.

I sighed, rolling my eyes. It annoyed me when he forgot things. It wasn’t fair, I had a right to know just like everyone else.

“Doctor Cocks will be in later to see you. I‘ll take you to the room. Don’t go anywhere with him unless I’m here first.” he ordered, the end of our conversation now finished. My heart sank, my hopes gone. I knew this was coming, but, that didn’t mean I wanted it to. I knew he didn’t like these operations anymore than I did. Before they stated he always made sure he was present, though I didn’t much like him being there when he was. He became so frightened and paranoid that at times it was like he was going through it and not me. Whenever the operation was finished he was always there when I woke, always making sure that I was okay. It was the only thing I think he could do that didn’t follow the Doctor rules. His way of saying sorry.

“And you’d better be on your best behaviour. I do not want a repeat of the other week.” A repeat? As if I could help that. I wasn’t going to just stand there and let the Doctor do to me what he wanted.

“The Doctor was going to…..” I began, thinking about that horrible day and wondering if the Doctor would try to do it again.

 “I know Ollie, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to attack him.” he said.

“I felt like I had every excuse” I replied. He’d always told me before that if anything happened I should always defend myself. Now he was acting as if he hadn’t even said that.

“You shouldn’t have attacked him like that. I hated doing that to you Ollie, but you know I had no choice don’t you? You were out of control” he said, looking at me as if I was the one in the wrong.

 “I was the one out of control? I did nothing but defend myself and I was punished for it” I said, feeling frustrated.

“Did you see what he did?” I asked, almost whispering now. Why was my father defending him here? The Doctor had been out of order.

“Yes, I know. But he had no choice, you were wild and out of control. We had to stop you struggling; you were attacking him,” he argued, defending him. I was glad that I had. I wasn’t having him shove that thing down my throat. I wasn’t going to swallow something that I didn’t know.

 “What was it? That thing?” I asked, wondering what it would have done to me.

“Just a tracking system. It wouldn’t have hurt you Ollie, I made sure.” A tracking system?

“It doesn’t matter now” he answered, reading the confused expression on my face.

“He didn’t go through with it. Now enough of that. You will have to do what he tells you, unless I say otherwise, okay?”

 “Do I have to?” I asked, looking hopeful, although I already knew the answer. Of coarse I had to. I just wished that one day he’d tell me I didn’t.

“Now Ollie. You know that answer, its routine. Just like any other week. It’s just a check-up. Your birthday wont be much different than usual.” Not much different? There was a lot of difference, the difference was the fact that I’d be going through the operation again.

“Will it hurt?” I remember it had hurt last year. I didn’t want to go through all that again.

 “No. He’ll just ask some questions. Maybe give you a little shock at the slightest, like every other year. You’ll be asleep then and you wont feel a thing. I promise.” he said, avoiding my eyes. He seemed uneasy even saying it. What was going to happen when I woke up? Even being put to sleep on that thing was bad, but waking up again? I hated that bit. Last year I couldn’t even remember who I was, only that I felt so weak. I didn’t want that feeling again. But I knew the doctor, knew what he was like. He was able to control my father, just like my father was able to control me.

 “I don’t want to. Can’t we wait until its not my birthday? Just any other day? I’ll do the check-up thing, anything else except that. Can’t we just forget about it this year? Please father?” I asked, hoping that he’d let me off. But he never did. He always listened to whatever the doctor said. He would never stand up to him. The doctor’s word was law. And I didn’t want to struggle this year, it only left me feeling more weak.

“You have to, whether you want to or not. You have no choice. Everyone else has to Ollie. Your no different.”I wanted to believe him, I honestly did. And, maybe a few years ago I would have. I’d have believed every word that came out of his mouth. But now I was getting older I wasn’t so sure of that anymore. No matter how much I wanted to believe him, a part of me said he was lying.

“But…..”

“Enough! You’ll do as your damn well told. Do you hear me? Or do you want a repeat of the other week? I’m sure that the doctor wont disagree with me. Do you want that Ollie?” he yelled, his face turning red. I stood back, stunned. His words scared me. Last week he’d told me it was a mistake, that it would never happen again. I couldn’t believe he’d do that to me again. As if going through with this operation year after year wasn’t enough. Being locked up in that room with nothing but my thoughts for comfort was enough to drive me mad. I should have known then not to listen to anything that he promised wouldn’t happen.

“No, I’m sorry” I whispered. I was still shocked, unsure of what to say. I knew my dad couldn’t help it. I knew these mood swings could come quickly and leave so suddenly. I was used to them, but, they still took me by surprise every time.

“Good boy” he said “Oh, and one more thing.”

“Yes father?” I said, hoping to please him. I’d do anything for that.

“Apologize to the doctor. Last week wasn’t like you at all Ollie. I’m disappointed in you Ollie. I don’t want to see that happen again.”

“Yes dad” I said again, feeling like a dog with its tail between its legs. Apologizing to the doctor. Now that would be a hard task.

“Good.” He said, kissing me on the forehead one last time and heading towards the door.

 “I’ll be back soon, promise” he said, leaving me alone once again. I hated that. Being alone. The doctor and my father were the only company I ever had. He shut the door behind him, and I heard it click from the outside as if being locked. I turned toward the door, not the least bit surprised if he had locked it. I checked it, yes it was locked. He’d been doing that a lot lately as well; locking me away in this room, as if being locked up in this place wasn’t enough for me. He always locked it when the Doctor was around. The doctor would have told him to lock me in; he knew that I’d try to wander. This place was so big that even I had not discovered all the hiding places yet. I could hide anywhere and he’d not find me for hours.

I listened to the footsteps of my father going down the stairs until they got quieter. I waited until I couldn’t hear anything at all, until the only thing I could hear was the rhythm of my own heart beating. I made sure that I was alone before I moved my hand to my forehead. Wiping away the kiss that had been planted. That sounds stupid. Wiping away a kiss. It was something a child would do, maybe after being embarrassed. But I wasn’t a child, I was sixteen. It didn’t feel right, even to me. It didn’t mean anything. This just wasn’t him, not the man I knew. His moods changed so much lately that I didn’t even know who he was anymore. But he was still my father. I knew he could be controlling and possessive, locking me up in my room for days on end then deciding to let me out again. But that was just him, I didn’t think he could help it. He didn’t mean to hurt me. He just wanted to keep me safe, and he did it by any means possible.

 I lay down, pulling the blankets over my head, the smell of urine coming back to me. He’d forgotten to take the sheets. That wasn’t good. I made my bed, hoping to hide the stain. If I sat on it then he might not notice.I shut my eyes tight, wishing for sleep. I tried not to think about later, when the doctor would be here. I tried blocking the image out of my mind, imagining I was somewhere else, not here in this shacked up room. Imagining that I wasn’t real, that I didn’t exist. But when I opened my eyes, I was as real as ever. Nothing I could do could block out the images I had in my mind, the images of what the doctor could do to me. A white dazzling light suddenly flashed through my mind. A small bright room. The lights were bright, glaring brightly into my eyes, making them sting. Instruments of all kinds were scattered across a side table. And in the middle was the cold, hard surface of the operating table.I shuddered, trying to rid the image out of my mind. I couldn’t stand it; anything had to be better than this.

 I stepped out of my bed, my legs wobbling as I walked over to the one window in my room. It was barred, boarded up, except for the one tiny hole that I carved through last year. I peeked through it, looking at something blue, which I was sure had to be the sky. It was so bright, much brighter then this room. I tried looking as far out into the distance as I could, but the hole was too small. I’d have to remember to try making that hole just a little larger to enable me to see more, but not now. Not today when he was here. I stopped. I could hear the sound of shuffling feet outside of my bedroom door. I turned, heading for my bed, my eyes still focused on the door that was opening slowly, as if the person behind wanted to catch me doing something. I kept my eyes glued to it, watching a shadow stretching wider. I already had a bad feeling who this was. A dark, shadowed figure appeared in the doorway. He was here. Standing at the entrance, watching me. The Doctor.

by vickb