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Dec 15th/2008

Another day, Another start trying to erase memories of the past. forced the mind to start fresh. But you have over taken every part of me. If I start erasing bits i'll become invisible to you.  My eyes wander few times thinking they might have a glimpse of you.


You have kept your distance but you forgot your friendship. For you it might be easy. For me its like drowning in the ocean.every night in my prayers you are there. The morning starts with your image in mind.


All this feels like a illusion but it keeps me away from reality for a while. Trying to remember what made you happy tortures my heart that i can never be a part of you anymore.


It seems your heart has found someone that makes you happy. your joy means everything to me. I ask nothing for me but everything for you. God has to return everything you deserve. Even my share of happiness he may give to you and give me all your sorrow. May he keep evil shadows away from you and your loved ones.


 



by raji_dil (Viewed 324 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:01/05/2009

Critique:Since you entered this under "Novel Chapters", I wondered as I read through it if you planned on making this into a prologue? I just asked since it left me as a reader intrigued as to what the whole story is. There are many questions that arose from reading this, and it would be great to read about the narrator's past, and the connection that is tightly being held on to. May I point out that it would be best if you took more notice into capitalizing the first letter of each sentence, and "I". Also, some sentences appear to be fragments: Forced the mind to start fresh. It would be useful to clarify, if what you meant was that something or someone "forced the mind...". There are some typos that also need to be corrected such as "a illusion" should be an illusion. Overall, it leaves the reader wanting to read more into it, so it would be great to read the other chapters if there are. Thank you for sharing.    

Grade:Good


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:01/03/2009

Critique:Hi raji_dil, it seems the character in your write is living a dream of self sacrifice for something they cannot have. If that brings inner joy to the character then so be it. On the other side of the coin, I would have to say, find true happiness elsewhere and move on with life, it is too short to linger. Enjoyed the read, thanks for sharing. Dennis

Grade:Good


 
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