A Scented Lie - Poetry : One-Stop Write Shop

CATEGORY: Poetry

A Scented Lie

Trapped in a dull relationship, or a free verse yearning liberation

from the heart of a metered poet ? The choice is yours.

A Scented Lie

The steady cadence of your soul doth quell

a passioned spirit, aching to unfold.

Your rhythmic heart emits a luring spell,

forbidding independence to take hold.

Obligingly, I dance your metered waltz;

though yearning, from within, new melodies.

As silenced feet twine love both pure and false,

veils of deception swirl in scented breeze.

Must dreams be tethered for eternity,

or will a life in free verse beckon me?

by bluemoon (Viewed 578 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	soulpath
Critique Date:	02/21/2009

Critique:	Brilliant piece, just for a change lol, Beatifully written, Skillfully crafted, Love the line vieils of decetion........ Within your work you seem to have a different view point to life than myself, Still you manage to take me by the hand and lead me to a point where I view and agree with the sentiments you so skillfuly expres, without any objection. You should be published
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Given By:	raenie
Critique Date:	01/16/2009

Critique:	I sure do hope we had more than 4 stars to give here at OSWS ;) I really like your concept here, Sharon--and even if it's a relatively short poem, it speaks volumes and even can be interpreted a couple of ways (even more!) Such a lovely read and your intro to your poems, work really well (sort of like a teaser, kudos for coming up with it). Your title is also quite intriguing and is totally perfect for your poem--thank so much again for such an engaging poem :D
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Given By:	StormxXxBoV
Critique Date:	01/15/2009

Critique:	I love, love, love it. Just like I love everything else you write. Please, get published. You're so good at what you do. Never stop.
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Given By:	CountryAngel
Critique Date:	01/13/2009

Critique:	A - Men, and then some.. I agree with all the critiques... You need to think about writing and then getting it PUBLISHED. Nice write, Sharon...
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Given By:	enamoured
Critique Date:	01/09/2009

Critique:	Wow!! That absolutely took my breath away!! It's sooo pretty and deep! The introduction to the poem makes it even more interesting to read. And title is perfect! For some reason, I can't stop reading the last two lines..."Must dreams be tethered for eternity, or will a life in free verse beckon me?"...Theres soo much more happening here than meets the eye. Great stuff Sharon! Thanks for sharing this beautiful poem--I hope you're keeping track of your better writes and planning on putting them in your book. Oh please do think about the book. You've got a great talent here...I read your poems and most of them help me in some way or another...eg: the New Year's poem. It would be such a waste if your writing doesn't reach others across the globe. Do think about it..maybe you could add it to your resolution list for 2009.:)..Shreya
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Given By:	kuirq
Critique Date:	01/09/2009

Critique:	Hmmm...it's a bit hard to decide on which one, really. Perhaps it will just depend on the mood as I read it...:)...for the moment, it's the latter for me. I love that it has two sides to it, a literal one and another not. It gave the poem a different dimension. Your title was interesting as well, so much meaning packed in it already! I love the use of old English words as well, it somehow gave the piece a quaint touch. The last two lines ended the verse perfectly. And I absolutely agree with Shreya! Your collection of wonderful poems is growing indeed! And I won't say it's a sonnet this time ;)...I counted the lines this time :D. Thank you for sharing this, Sharon. It was a lovely read.
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Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	01/09/2009

Critique:	It has sincerely been my pleasure to watch your work blossum, you have a gift Sharon, use your words to touch other like souls but above all, make it work for you. It is becoming so easy to give you excellent. Dennis
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