CATEGORY: Horror Bookmark and Share



Internal Growth

3:29AM, February 19th.


A bad dream that had seemed as if it was actually happening, and silence so quiet, all that could be heard was the pounding heartbeat of a horrified 18-year-old Asian-American girl named Kiyoko Kamiyoshi Ono.


Kiyoko had been experiencing the same dream for days; it was as if something was messing with her subconscious. Unfortunately, she was too terrified to believe such nonsense.


As she sat there sweating and gripping the silken red covers, her eyes directed themselves around her darkened bedroom, from the desk in the corner to the window, then to the closet.


Ah, the closet... The classic place for anyone to hide and jump out and do it all over again.


Kiyoko tried not to act skittish. She was 18! How can anyone her age be afraid of a stinking closet?


With that in mind, she slowly pulled over the covers, gulped her fear, and made herself grip the closet door knob. She stood motionless for a moment, breathing heavily, then yanked the door really hard and fast...and found nothing but a few of her dresses that could not fit in her luggage.


A sigh of relief started to escape her mouth, when suddenly, she felt a wet sensation in her right ear. It traveled to her head, to her chest, then her stomach. She tried all she could to reach the light switch, and managed with her middle finger.


After adjusting her eyes to the sudden light, she touched the place where the gooey wetness had entered. It was when she grabbed a big glob of green gunk in her hand that she started screaming.


"Heeellllpp!" she cried out, holding her stomach in pain.


"Kiyoko!" a man named Ken Ono yelled from the living room.


"Help me, please!" she pleaded.


The man attempted to calm her down, but then he noticed that her eyes were wide open, and clumps of blood and greenish goo were pooling from her mouth, nose, ears and eyes. It was then that the man realized Kiyoko had something growing inside of her, re-arranging her arteries so they pumped into her stomach and her face.


As the thing resized itself within her, its bodily fluids leaked into her stomach and head, much to Ken's dismay. A scream escaped him when Kiyoko's stomach eventually exploded, blood, organs and green fluid squirting everywhere.


A couple of seconds later, a snake-like creature with arms came crawling out of Kiyoko and slid through the almost closed bedroom door. It had seemed to Ken that this monster had found what it was looking for,


What became of that creature...?


Nobody knows it but Ken.


 


 


 



by blue_knight108

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:02/01/2009

Critique:I liked how you left the ending open, being able to take the story where ever you want to. It was well written and a very coherent read. I also thought you did a good job slowly building the suspence until it exploded at the end. I think you and I both know your story is not over, I for one would like to read more, good job.

Grade:Good


Given By: fevilleg
Critique Date:02/01/2009

Critique:the first sentence is a run-on sentence. your story doesn't really go anywhere, where are you taking us? what are you trying to convey? you end so abruptly  that it is jarring and leaves you unfulfilled. i certainly hope this is not the end of it. Print it out, read it out loud, it could flow a lot more smoothly. in some places it seems that you are trying to hard. read some stephen king, and try to emulate his descriptive style.

Grade:Needs Revised


 
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