| CATEGORY: Free Verse |
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The Wind's Secret
The wind sings softly of a secret
so hushed I can barely hear...
I scarcely breathe
as I intently listen
and scarcely blink
as I feverishly write...
She sings of souls
so sorrowful,
innocent ones banished by memory
once cradled in wombs of yestermorn
now bear scars of forsaken dreams
shattered...
scattered...
perpetually lost
The forever nameless,
once full of hope,
nestled in the comfort of darkness
had waited for the light,
but too soon it came
...too soon
They left this world
dejected...
unloved...
in disbelief
Leaving behind
their fear,
their love,
their vengeance
They dwell not far from where we are,
forced to stay in a place so cold
A place where happiness is unknown
No fear
No love
No vengeance
There is only sorrow
and sorrow alone
The wind has entered their world
countless times,
each time a soul is cast therein
Every time drying the tears
with a quick embrace,
a gentle kiss
...but always in vain
She constantly breezes by to wish
that no more souls will have to come
Never ceasing to wonder
how a place so vast
could be filled with weeping souls so fast
Deep down, she knows
the future souls
will be forced to stay here
They will dwell
where we are...
A place where happiness
will be unknown
And to them will return
their fear,
their hate,
their vengeance
...with sorrow
Now sorrow will not be alone
The wind sang softly of this secret
so hushed no one else could hear...
I scarcely breathed
as she bade goodbye
and scarcely blinked
as I then realized...
That our world will soon be filled
with once innocent,
but still weeping souls
...so frightened
...so angry
...so vengeful
by kuirq (Viewed 1433 times)  Show Brief Description
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 02/08/2009 |
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| Critique: | This is what poetry is about, the sadness in this poem speaks from past hope that tells of once innicent poeple lost in the vastness of death, great work .............joe |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 02/07/2009 |
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| Critique: | CONGRATULATIONS on winning 2nd Place in the Spring Fling Writing Competition 2008! I love the poem! The format of the piece is beautiful. My favorite part is the last stanza. What makes the poem worthy of 2nd place is the theme. There is one portion of the poem that I think could use further revision, (the first stanza) seems a little wordy. I'm not sure if you need to change anything, especially since you placed so high in the competition. Obtaining additional feedback may help to consider what may need changed to make the poem even better! I generally phone the top three winning writers after the results are sent to me, it was around 5:30 AM (Pilipino time) when I obtained the results. I was afraid of waking you up. :) Thank you for entering the writing contest---good luck Ninna, I'm sure this is the beginning of many more wins in the future. Keep writing and enjoy your win! --Katina & Dennis |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: |   CountryAngel 
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| Critique Date: | 02/07/2009 |
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| Critique: | Congratulations Ninna !
I enjoyed reading this free verse.
Great writing.. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 02/06/2009 |
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| Critique: | Hi Ninna, congratulations on achieving 2nd place. I've been dying to read this ever since I saw the title when the top 20 were announced. What I love about this poem is the stark contrast it provides, almost like two poems in one. 'The wind sings softly of a secret'; ' She sings of souls so sorrowful' - these lines give the whole poem a soft, gentle voice, yet the subject is quite dark, giving the poem an unexpected depth. The format of your poem really enhances the read, effectively controlling the pace of the reader. One of my favourite parts is 'now bear scars of forsaken dreams shattered... scattered... perpetually lost' The minimal use of rhyme in your free verse is very effective, like finding a little gem in an already beautiful poem. The only thing I would consider, would be to lose the word 'thus' from a couple of your lines, it seems to give a slightly harsh sound to the beginning of those lines, and I don't think anything is lost by its removal. I've read your poem 3 or 4 times now, and I like it better each time I read. Thank you for posting this Ninna and allowing us at last to see your wonderful competition entry, it is certainly deserving of at least second place, well done. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | Dennis
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| Critique Date: | 02/06/2009 |
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| Critique: | Congrats and as I read this over and over again, I sometimes get the chills, what a literal ride. I think you outdone yourself and it shows me of all the thought and consideration you put into this write. I have followed your writing since the conception of OSWS, and I am just so very proud of you Ninna, thank you for your inspirations, Dennis |
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