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SEEING RED

SEEING RED


The grey smoky sky shelters the beach.


 


Heat pushes through the dense clouds,


 


stubborn,


 


sweaty,


 


moist.


 


A desolate beach at dawn.


 


The sea is as deep blue as a newborn’s eyes, clear, almost innocent as it laps against the sand. Further towards the skyline the fort wall and rocks reveal its’ true nature as waves crash aggressively, foaming, angry, powerful.
 
The sun pierces through the overcast sky, burning off the last remnants of early morning haze.


 


The beach fills.


 


The brilliant blue of the sky meets the turquoise green of the sea.   The sun glints off the hot sand, creating a painter’s pallet of colors that make up this paradise. Blues, greens, gold meld with the virgin white skin of fresh, new sun-lovers arriving for the first time to soak in this heavenly place.
 
The pleasures of early morning paradise turn to pain.  One by one sunbathers transform from pale white to painful puce to angry red.  The pungent smell of sun block intermingled with sea salt wafts across the beach as sun worshiper’s slap on the thick creamy white lotion on their raging red skins
 
The afternoon creeps in


 


 a sea of red and pink bodies lines the shore.


 


Turning, basking, roasting,


 


longing for the dream of golden brown.



The tide comes in.


 


The sun relentless.


 


The beach empties.



by Priya

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:02/06/2009

Critique:Descriptive, and interesting! What I enjoyed most about the work, is how the story unfolds, (it is not a typical story), we get a small glimpse of time, one day. You know how a painting catches your eye, and its hard to take your eyes from it? That is how I felt reading the poem. The words drew me in, the images kept me reading, and the ending line provided the closure at the end. Congratulations for winning fith place! Keep writing, (Oh, and congrats for being nominated to write for the Poetry & Prose Anthology. Usually, the first and second place winning writers (are the only ones allowed to write something) other then the material that has been nominated for publication. We try to offer a reserve spot to members who we feel will meet the challege of our strict publication guidelines for the book. I know you can do it! --
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:02/06/2009

Critique:I took from two difference first things, and the fie frst is a love for the beach, and second is an anger of other doing the same, It is interesting reading the form in which you wrote this. Using short poetic lines then going to a more story book form is interesting............joe

Grade:Good


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:02/06/2009

Critique:Very discriptive filled with illusions that most of us have experienced. And yet, I know people here in Ohio who have never experienced it, their loss. Your poem reminds me of Coney Island where thousands of people crowed the beach. Sitting on the subway, homeward bound, uncomfortatble, and looking at their lobster red arms and legs, waiting for tomorrow and what it may bring. A thought provoking write. thank you.

Grade:Good


 
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