Folds of Green Brocade - Poetry : One-Stop Write Shop

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[Relentless Writing 10 Tokens]

Folds of Green Brocade

a perfect image belies the truth

Folds of Green Brocade

An interval of quietude; she sleeps,

caressed by copper curls in silk cascade.

Observing beauty in her calm, he weeps,

remorseful of impassioned hands he laid.

From searching eyes, secluded pain she hides,

within her mind, love's solemn vow replayed.

Through purest skin, dark cast of anger rides,

wrapped safely 'neath soft folds of green brocade.

Breath falls, as into endless void she slips,

unable to withstand the next tirade.

A tear-stained note in resting hand she grips,

'My love, forgive the final choice I made'

Author's Note: Inspired by an amazing painting "The Green Dress II" by Mark Spain. For obvious reasons I can't use the picture to illustrate my poem, but check it out, it's beautiful.

by bluemoon (Viewed 457 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	raenie
Critique Date:	03/28/2009

Critique:	I do think that you have succeeded in "painting" a work of art with your words--Amazing really of how a certain picture can evoke a story in your mind--Such a sad story but very beautiful in its own right...I do think that your poem goes wonderfully well with that painting...I totally agree with Ninna with this being worth 5 stars--hmm how i wished we did! here's my version of 5 stars-- ***** :) ---particularly loved the first stanza, complements the painting so perfectly--thanks for sharing once again your creative juices--hehe my creative thirst for the day has been quenched!
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Given By:	Alexgia
Critique Date:	03/26/2009

Critique:	I love the first line of the second stanza...Beautifully written..I loved it.
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Given By:	Ronin Sumomo
Critique Date:	03/25/2009

Critique:	Extremely powerful. This displays the fragility innate in human beings and it demonstrates how fast life can leave the physical body. With death an inevitable aspect of life the only way to not fear it is through living good. This poem brought a lot of feelings out in me. Very nice piece.
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Given By:	kuirq
Critique Date:	03/21/2009

Critique:	Wow. This is an equally amazing poem. It gets more intense every time I read it (I've read it three times by now). The last stanza is very moving and dramatic, especially the last line, it's so final and so sad, wraps the poem so beautifully. It also made me wonder how it could be true for many women, perhaps, even the ending, which makes it so sad and real. I saw the painting, and I think you've captured the painting in your poem. It could very well be that it was the other way around, the painting done because of the poem. They go really well together. Thank you for sharing this, Sharon. You have a lot of poems that are heart-tugging and I think this is one of your more intense ones. Wow...can I give this five?
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Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	03/21/2009

Critique:	I totally enjoyed this poem Sharon, it made me think and think, you created a sad and yet a very visual write of inner emotions. Love, regret, mistakes, only to live with the outcome. It seems as people go through life they think back and say I wish I would have said or done something differently, lost thoughts.
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Given By:	CountryAngel
Critique Date:	03/20/2009

Critique:	I think your poem is beautiful.
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