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EINAR

      Once upon a time, there was a little boy named Einar.

He lived in Norway with his mother and father.

Einar was a little unhappy, because he had red curly hair, and he felt like no one liked him.  He always wanted to wear a hat to cover his hair.  Einar had the most beautiful blue eyes.

His mother was pretty, with strawberry blonde hair and green eyes.  Her name was Sunny.

She liked taking care of  her family,  house and their garden.

His father was a Seaman.   He had brown hair and blue eyes.  His name was Thor.

Since he was a Seaman, he went out on the ship every day, and somethines he stayed out to sea for a couple of days.


Einar liked  going  to work with his father.  He wanted to go every day,

but If  the weather was very cold, his father would make him stay home.

You see, Einar had a secret.  He knew about a Magical place.  Always wanted to go there.

All the sailors on the ship liked Einar.  They thought he was a good little boy,

well behaved,  and did not get in the way of the men with their work.


He was very inquisitive, and would make a good Seaman some day.

The  sailors  went on the ship wee early in the morning.  It was still dark outside.  They wanted to be out in the ocean when the sun came up, ready to fish or search for whales.

One hot morning, Einar got up before his father did.  He was dressed and waiting.  His mother was already in the kitchen making breakfast and packing lunch.

Einar was getting anxious, waiting for his father to come to the kitchen.  He wanted to go out to sea with his father and sailors today.

Einar had a secret, about a Magical place.

This particular day, the weather seemed right, no wind, and hot.

His father asked  Einar, " Why are you up so early "?

He replied: " Please father may I go on the sip with you today"?

Father and mother looked at each other and smiled. 

Einar was so happy, he knew why they smiled.

Off they drove down a long dirt road to get to the dock where the large ship was.  As they got closer,  Einar got a  little fidgety, but a big smile on his face.  He started to wave his hand out the window and yell hello to the sailors that were going on the ship.

The time came.  Einar walked up the long plank to go aboard the ship, big smiles were on his face, he was so happy.

Everyone was ready to get to work.  It took a couple hours to get out in the ocean.

All the sailors  started to get their supplies ready, nets,  fishing lines and hooks, even spears.

Some of the sailors did catch  fish and also a few crabs. 

Einar enjoyed watching the sailors do their special tasks.

Sometimes they let him fish with a fishing pole.

Lunch time approached.  Everyone went down a few stairs below the ship to eat their lunch, and get out of the sun.  It was a hot day.

After lunch the sailors would take a nap.  This day,  Einar pretended to be asleep.  When the coast was clear, he went up on the ship.  Stood by the railing,  and waitied.   He heard a sound of a whale.  It was a soft sound.  Woosh,  a large tail popped out of the water.

Einar smiled, he knew it was his mammal friend. 

The tail went under the water and up came his nose,  Einar smiled and leaned over the railing to give the whales nose a pat.

You see,  Einar had a secret.  He knew about a Magical place, but has never been there.

Einar could hear in his mind what  the whale would say.

This particular  day,  the whale asked Einar if he wanted to go for a ride on his back, some place special.

Einar gave a big smile and said yes.

Off they went away from the ship.

The whale told Einar to take a deep breath,  they were going under the ocean.  He was afraid he would not beable to breathe,  but to his suprise when he let his breath out, he could breathe fine.   Down and down they went.

THE MAGICAL PLACE!

All the children that were there, had red curly hair. some had blue eyes, and other's had brown or green eyes, but they all had red curly hair.

Einar saw a beautiful  lady peeking out from behind a large rock.  He swam toward her.

He was suprised, she had very long red curly hair and blue eyes.  She was a mermaid.  Her voice was soft, almost like when she would talk to him it was a song.

Einar saw boys and girls with short, medium and long red curly hair.  They were all happy and playing together.

They whale shooted water out of his hole.  He was happy to.

The bottom of the sea was the most beautiful place Einar has ever seen.

He saw sea shells, corals, sparkling rocks, different colored fish, even sea hoarses swimming around.  This is the most beautiful,  Magical place I have ever seen, said Einar.

Many mermaids, and children came to meet  Einar, they played, and sang songs.  He was so happy in this Magical place. 

After awhile, a man with a crown approached Einar.  He was smiling.  Carried a Long fork.


He told Einar that if he wanted to come back to this Magical place, he must keep it a secret, and not tell anyone what he saw or where he was.


You see if you tell anyone, YOU, will never see our special whale, or this place again.

It will disappear only for YOU.

You might see " A Whale ", but not the special whale.


Einar told him that this place was wonderous. The most magnificant place he has ever seen and he will keep it a secret as long as he lives.  Einar liked being with all his new friends,  he even forgot about wearing his hat. They both smiled.  Now  It was time for  Einar to leave.  He did it reluctantly.  The whale's nose came under him,  and up he went on his back.  Woke up  on the ship.  His father was telling him to get out of the sun, you will get sunburned.

Einar stood up, and looked out  in the ocean.  He looked in wonderment.

Was it a dream or did I really go to a Magical place?

The End.


 




by CountryAngel (Viewed 1248 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Sgt B
Critique Date:08/11/2010

Critique:What a really fun Read! I enjoyed reading this very much & will read to my grandchildren as well.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: L.J. Boldyrev
Critique Date:07/26/2010

Critique:Very cute! Aside form what has already been mentioned, when we first read he knows about a magical place and always wanted to go there, I was under the impression that he had already been. When we first meet the whale Einar greets him as an old friend, but up until that point we didn't know he knew a whale. Maybe mention that he knows of this magical place, a place a whale told him about but has yet to take him. Maybe Einar has to prove to the whale he can be trusted first. Perhaps instead of telling us so much about the family in the beginning, start with Einar performing this task to prove to the whale he can be trusted. Maybe he has to find an alternative to whale hunting and convince the men not to hunt the whales.   Of course it would change most of the story and it's just one idea. It's very cute as it is. I think you touched on the imagination of a child very well. Einar wanted a place to belong where the other children looked like him, and he found/created that place.  I wouldn't say so much about his mother and father in the beginning. Neither of them are really all that important to the story. You want to get straight to Einar's adventure. Thanks for sharing, Diane!
[View Replies]

Grade:Good


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:04/20/2009

Critique:This was an enjoyable story to read. I think it's great to share since it tells of magic an a sense of adventure. It's one of those stories that will help a child to use their imagination well. Sharon suggested a lot and I think it will improve the story. It will be great to read an edited version of this. But all the same, I think it was a wonderful story, I think boys especially will like it because of the adventure in the sea theme. Thank you for sharing this, Diane. Maybe you could indeed write more children's stories, I think you have a knack for it.

Grade:Good


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:04/18/2009

Critique:This is such a wonderful story for kids, Diane :) I agree with Sharon, your grandsons must love it and they sure are lucky to have you as their momom to tell them such nice and original stories :)  I must say I love the name Einar--very unique--and such a coincidence that it's like my username hehe --"ranie" without the "e" after "a" spelled backwards, heehee ;) wherever did you come up with that name?? ---Just a couple more suggestions though--aside from the typos--maybe the font size can be larger so it's easier to read? And maybe some quotations for some of teh conversations? Would love to hear more about the adventures of Einar in that Magical place--hmm maybe you can have a special name for it too? Thanks for sharing this :)

Grade:Good


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:04/10/2009

Critique:Hi Diane, This is a cute story. Did you write this for your grandsons? I bet they loved it. You have a good opening and ending, and a great visual adventure in between. I really think you should write more children's stories. There are a few areas that  need tightening up. You have a few incomplete sentences, such as 'Carried a long fork' / 'Always wanted to go there' / 'Woke up on the ship' - all need 'He' at the beginning. Also, there are a few typos & punctuation errors - waitied/waited, beable/be able, sea hoarses/ sea horses, awhile/ a while (awhile is usually used as in 'for a while' eg wait for a while or wait awhile.) 'They (The) whale shooted (shot) water out of his hole. He was happy to (too).' // "Why are you up so early"?   "Please father (comma) may I go on the sip (ship) with you today"? - question marks should be inside the speech marks. It would be nice to have a few more references to the story being set in Norway. Perhaps you could tell us what Einar's mother packed for lunch, something Norwegian. Maybe the whale could greet Einar with a Norwegian hello. Sorry the notes are a bit long, hope you find them helpful. Let me know when you've completed your edits, I'll happily check it through for you. I enjoyed your story Diane, thanks for sharing it with us.  

Grade:Good


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:04/08/2009

Critique:A couple of typos but besides that it was a neat little story that I think most children would enjoy. I liked how you kept throwing in, "He had a secrete place" and then moving on leaving the reader guesing until you finally took them there. All the children were like Einar, indeed had a special place and you leave it at that, was he dreaming or not. Sounds like this story was well thought out, I enjoyed it, thank you.  

Grade:Good


 
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