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[Relentless Writing 15 Tokens]

Corrosive Lust

Corrosive Lust


 


Duplicity prowls 'neath moonlit skies,


silently weaving virtue's demise.


Soft satin threads of silvered lies


disguise bitter truths from trusting eyes.


 


Dishonesty flows through hardened veins,


staging affection where none remains.


All traces of sin obscured by the rains


of fraudulent salve infidelity feigns.


 


Corroded by acidic lust,


love's golden dream decays to rust.


A rotten core of pain unjust,


encased within guile's flawless crust.


 



by bluemoon (Viewed 408 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: JeannineReber48
Critique Date:08/11/2009
Critique:i really like the rough comparsions
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: Paladin elda
Critique Date:07/15/2009
Critique:My friend that is what rhyme is all about, this is wonderful beyond word. When you create rhyme out lf flow this way it takes you beyond time and play, its like your poem read itself outloud to me. To me the mark of a good poem is when a poem seems as if it it one contenued thought. Which leaves one a bit confused, makes one wander what lise beyoud the suface...................joe
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: tressyjane
Critique Date:05/27/2009
Critique:WOW This is good, I got the "goose bumps" may I print this out?  
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: madaddicted
Critique Date:05/27/2009
Critique:Very mysterious. I love the rhyme scheme and the flow of this one. You're so good with words.
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:05/11/2009
Critique:I was very impressed with this.  Your work has a style all your own.  Keep it up.
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:05/10/2009
Critique:This is a very intelectual poem.  Excellent vocabulary choices.  You were very careful to make sure the words really roll off the tongue, which I appreciate.  Well done.
[View Replies]
Grade:Good


Given By: philwriter
Critique Date:04/22/2009
Critique:I also love the imagery yu depicted, its one of those poems that you read over and over to truly appreciate. Kepp up the good work
[View Replies]
Grade:Good


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:04/18/2009
Critique:The imagery you depicted here just seems so tangible and real--"Corroded by acidic lust"--wow. Your poem just seems to have a life of its own, an affair brought to life in words. Amazing as always, thanks so much for sharing us your writes...:)
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: spartacai
Critique Date:04/18/2009
Critique:I love this poem. It has a powerful moving imagery that depicts a complex and dark emotional landscape. An outstanding piece of work that moved me.
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:04/16/2009
Critique:Hmmm, I'm starting to wonder if there isn't any theme that you can't paint with words? The metaphor is great, makes for a vivid representation of how destructive infidelity could be...."Corroded by acidic lust", that pretty much says it all.  I loved the alliterations woven in this piece, especially "Soft satin threads of silvered lies". Thank you for another beautiful (even if the theme isn't) poem, and I'm glad it isn't autobiographical! :)
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: guinevere
Critique Date:04/15/2009
Critique:A bitter sweet read, beautifully constructed as always. Will strike a chord with anyone who's been on the receiving end of infidelity.
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: StormxXxBoV
Critique Date:04/14/2009
Critique:As always, I love what you've written.  By far my favorite is the last stanza, it just..strikes a chord in me. Very well written, I love your way with words. It paints a picture in my mind, both beautiful and horrible at the same time.
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:04/14/2009
Critique:Your words touch nerves deep rooted in relationships, touching upon either happiness or deceit. I like how you mix the both to make your point, corrosive love! Excellent choice of words and if I had my way, I would like to punch him in the nose, sorry for getting personal, hate to see the hurt, although, look at the words it spurs, why do writers write?
[View Replies]
Grade:Excellent


 
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