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Insanity or Innocence? (revised)

I suppose you could say


one could live their life like this


and be considered a Genius


or Insane...


 


Like a delicate ballerina, dancing on that fine line


looking down to find that she had remained seated.


And the bird that's flown to the ends of the Earth


but had never had the courage to leap from the nest.


 


You've written me letter upon letter


and I've read them all; their brilliant rhyme and pictures.


But it seems you ran out of ink long ago.


So I imagine what you would've written.


 


I've seen golden rooms and stone towers


that were never built.


I've been to lands of riches and happiness


that had never existed.


 


I've met the most extraordinary people in the world


but somehow they all look exactly the same.


And I've heard the most melodic sounds


but strangely enough, they remind me of my own laughter.


 


Yes my friends, I've seen these things and more!


I've swum to all seven seas, seven times over!


...And then found that my feet were just tied


to the swimming pool's edge......


 


And when my vine snapped


as I was swinging through the Amazon,


I only landed on the grass


next to my broken tire swing.


 


I suppose you could say


one could live their life like this


and be considered a Genius


or Insane...


 


But through all my travels


I found that my biggest adventure


was stepping from my raft of Childhood


and onto the shore of Life.


 


However, sometimes I think things were more simple when I was a child



by Apparition (Viewed 371 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Katina
Critique Date:06/12/2009

Critique:I'm rating the entry a 4 Star write, mostly because of the emotion it evoked within me. The only place that I felt needed changed was the last line. Have you considered leaving the readers with an image such as the previous line: " onto the shore of Life." Its more of a metaphore then an image, however I belive it would create that feeling at the end that the rest of the poem gives to the reader. Good job with sharing your story in a poetic format, I enjoyed reading it very much. I got goosbumps! PS. Miss talking to you! Favorite Lines: " Like a delicate ballerina, dancing on that fine line   looking down to find that she had remained seated. "  

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:06/03/2009

Critique:Apparition, you took me for a ride, how our mind takes us on journeys and even though we have never experienced the reality, it could seem that we could have, and some how that surffices the urge of acctually living the experience. I feel like I  like I have been there, done that. That is what gets us over watching the rich and famous and not feeling so poor.

Grade:Good


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:06/03/2009

Critique:Such a very insightful and thought provoking poem you have here, Mariah...it honestly made me think myself, whether it is insanity or innocence--I'd like to say innocence though...I especially loved your last stanza, it's pretty poignant and notsalgic--how I would love to get back on that raft myself--and your last line, I think it's just a perfect ending to it... I did notice a typo for the word "genius"---also maybe you could spell out the number 7 instead? I do think it might work better for your poem. Maybe lower cases in the beginning of some of your lines would look better as well (though I'm thinking that the capitalization might be the result of auto format in Word?) & lastly for the line, "But strangely enough,...they remind me of my own laughter." perhaps the comma would work better rather than the ellipses? Nonetheless, I truly enjoyed your poem, as always, you sure do have such a lot of insight for a teenager, thanks for sharing! :)

Grade:Good


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:06/03/2009

Critique:It's a lovely poem that is carefree and deep at the same time. I love how vivid your  descriptions are, brings us along in your journey of imaginings. The last lines of the 5th, 6th, 7th and last stanzas are effective in bringing back the reader to reality. Your last line implies a wistful thought of being a child once more, Your poem is filled with imaginings so easily thought up by a child and yet once brought to the surface, they become easy to imagine even as an adult. Thanks for sharing, it is nice to remember how it is to think as a child. 

Grade:Excellent


Given By: bluemoon
Critique Date:06/02/2009

Critique:Whether it be innocence or insanity, imagination can be a wonderful gift. It's difficult to choose a favourite line, I love the second and third stanzas, with the ballerina, the bird and the letters. I also like how your final stanza ties the whole poem together with an air of nostalgia. I didn't notice any snags other than those already mentioned in raenie's critique & I do agree with raenie about the ellipses. Thanks for sharing this with us, I really enjoyed the read.

Grade:Good


 
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