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CATEGORY: Free Verse

You

You stole from me, you screamed at me.

You hit me, you hurt me.

You lied to me, you beat me.

You raped me, you killed me.

I stole it back and screamed with joy.

I blocked your hit and turned the hurt.

I found the truth and beat it out.

My rape was the line that revived my body.

I gathered it all and spit with pride,

knowing I won on the inside.

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	raenie
Critique Date:	06/22/2009

Critique:	Hi tressyjane--this sure is one intense poem, one could almost touch the anger and tension in your write. I really liked how you wrote it in a way that you presented first what he did and that somehow, you turned the tables--it's quite effective in showing of how much you've won. I'm just thinking for your 1st line in the 2nd stanza--to just clarify it--maybe you could put something like "I stole back what was mine and screamed with joy"...I guess it could be an ongoing struggle but the strength is there and victory from the inside is what matters most...thanks for sharing this...


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Given By:	[Deleted User]
Critique Date:	06/05/2009

Critique:	I wanted to revise my review, in hopes that my previous critique did not come across the wrong way. It is easy to write a review and focus primarily on the structure, without considering the affects of writing the piece due to "personal experience and/or other trauma." I hate to admit that I can relate to your post, but unfortunately, I can. I have tried to write about it, and have failed in this endeavor, so I would like to say how proud I am of you for taking on such a challenge. Being assaulted is one of the most terrifying experiences that a woman can go through, the pain never truly goes away, nor the memory of the event. You can only over come, and grow on the inside from it. Which is what I took from your poem here. --Thank you again for sharing the poem. And, if this was not a personal experience, I know that by statistics, one of our 600 members has had this happen to them. --Have you heard about the Poetry & Prose anthology? We would like to invite you to submit this piece (please contact me before entering your work), we may need to ask you to do some slight revision first. --Katina
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Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	06/04/2009

Critique:	Wow, rather profound, hope this is just a write and not reality and if it is it sounds like the character came to an understanding that they were satisfied with. You just put it out there and tell it like it is, a very frank approach that leaves the reader wondering if the character is truly healed, made me think.


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