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Senara - Chapter One


Broken Sleep


 


               Over the centuries, the ancient evergreens of the Senara forest had continued to reach skyward. From the outside of the forest, their tips appeared to brush against the spun-candy clouds, gently teasing them across the cornflower sky. Inside the forest though, each leafy canopy joined hands with its neighbour, creating a dense shield impervious to all natural light.


                Life was tough for the Senaran fae. The thick darkness and cold temperatures gave rise to the perfect growing conditions for starvation, with only the occasional nut or berry passing through an exclusive filter of evergreen boughs. Yet, as it had been since the origin of all species, evolution continued to be a great tool for survival. The scant, cold months of Dark brought about a state of hibernation for the forest and all her inhabitants; the vibrant beat of life all but stopped as the fae sheathed themselves in silk cocoons to sleep out the bleak, foodless months. Only the great river moved, quietly flowing like the life blood of a sleeping giant. Each cycle, the month of New Dawn saw the return of life to Senara. The fae emerged from their cocoons, as light once more graced the inner forest. But this was no ordinary light, it didn’t originate from the heavens, its source was precious and unique to the Senaran undergrowth.


                Shaylee gave a brief yawn as she stretched, freeing herself from the remains of her warm cocoon. Unfurling her wings, she exercised them a little to restore their circulation before fluttering over to the window, eager to see if the light had yet returned. She usually woke too early and, looking out into the pitch darkness of the forest, she realised this cycle was no different. She felt sure it must be New Dawn by now, but there were no signs of life or light. The only sound was of the river’s slow babble. Shaylee was disappointed and a little fearful; once a faerie left the comfort of their Dark sleep it was impossible to fall back into it until the lightless months returned. She could only hope  her waking wasn’t too premature, and that very soon her mother and father, Liliana and Brokk, would be stirring from their hibernation. Faylinn, her younger sister, would sleep longer, she always did. It was as if she could sense when the first harvest of berries was complete. She would emerge from her swathes of silk, skin still flushed with the warmth of sleep, just in time to tuck in to the New Dawn celebratory feast. Shaylee's tummy growled with hunger and anticipation as she prayed the blackness would soon dissolve to bring forth fruitful times.


              Bitten by the freezing cold air, Shaylee sat in the corner of her room, wrapping her wings around her delicate frame and trying to create a makeshift blanket from the tatters of silk she had foolishly torn open. Cold and hungry, she could do little but listen enviously to the regular breaths of slumber.



by bluemoon (Viewed 322 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:06/19/2009

Critique:I really admire your new venture into writing, Sharon! Kudos to you! This is a lovely read...I'm seriously beginning to wonder what that special something could it be in the UK? Writers from there seem to have some wonderful flair for the magic. Hehe, I've realized long ago that my favorite children's book authors (Enid Blyton, Roald Dahl, J.K. Rowling...) are mostly British. I think you'd blend in very well to that personal list of mine! :) Like everyone, I can't wait to read the rest of the book! I love the very magical atmosphere you've set from the first line. It's great that you were able to keep it up through the rest of the chapter, leaving the reader waiting for more to read. I love the name of your characters, perfect for fairies! Ooh, I can't help but rave about this attempt of yours :). Nikko raised some points about The Dark and New Dawn periods...but from my point of view, I think it's ok to just give a slight intro to the periods like you have since I'm thinking you could (or probably have one in mind already) describe them farther along the novel, perhaps even discuss them in separate chapters if need be. May I say that the last sentence of the 2nd paragraph could probably be cut in two since it's a bit long.  Hmm, I think I see a little bit of myself in Faylinn...I sleep for a long time and will wake up at the last minute ;). I love the way you've written this, how can I describe it? Delicately magical. It's like it's been sprinkled with fairy dust :). Thank you for such an enjoyable read. I'd love to read the rest of it. :D
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Grade:Excellent


Given By: CountryAngel
Critique Date:06/18/2009

Critique:Sharon, Your Novel is great. Been waiting for you to write something. When I get home I will print this and when you write #2 will print that to. Nice work.  
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Grade:Excellent


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:06/18/2009

Critique:I'm definitely agreeing with the wordshark on the admiration of you writing novel chapters :) Your prose is just so rich with imagery that I couldn't help but feel that I could peek into the Senaran world. I especially liked how you described the forest--you've laid the setting of your story really well, almost made me want to read in a whisper (fairy tales just have that mystical quality about it & yours is no exception). -----this is yet again a 4 star quality write, given your gift for words, and I definitely want to read the entire novel! ----A few suggestions though, maybe it's just me but I think the phrase "gave rise to the perfect growing conditions for starvation" is somehow a bit redundant? Maybe you could say something to the effect of "The thick darkness and cold temperatures made it more conducive for starvation"--I know you can turn my suggestion into a more eloquent write though...but of course it's up to you to change it or not-----------I really liked how you described the "Dark" period and maybe for a better contrast (& to highlight it more, especially with regards to the "light" somehow I feel that it's important in the long run of the story) of the "New Dawn", maybe you could enter that sentence or maybe put in an intro to the New Dawn, something like how eventually the "Dark" cycle would end and give way to the "New Dawn", of how it's like opposites or something like that--I really do hope I'm making sense here, I'm sorry if I'm babbling here----May I also suggest that you cut the sentence after "light"? To stress the fact that New Dawn hasn't arrived yet? something like "She felt sure it must be New Dawn by now, but there were no signs of life or light. The only sound was of the river’s slow babble. " or maybe even ellipses at the end of "light"--could contribute to a stronger sense of foreboding or something---Also, maybe you could also cut the following sentence into 2 since it seems to be a bit long? "It was as if she could sense when the first harvest of berries was complete./ (and) She would emerge from her swathes of silk, skin still flushed with the warmth of sleep, just in time to tuck in to the New Dawn celebratory feast." --or something like that and maybe "in to" should be one word? -----I hope I was able to help somewhat, and I really enjoyed your novel chapter, can't wait to know the rest of the story! I'm still giving this 4 stars since you just write so beautifully and with such imagery, thanks so much for sharing! whoa! Sorry this is sooo long!
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Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:06/17/2009

Critique:Wow, your writing novel chapters, so damn great to see. Your story had a gentle drift about it, all most like a fairytale. Your words and discriptions moves the reader's imagination to follow from word to word as you weave your tale. The ending adds suspence, what is her faith, can she survive, what will happen? You can take your story anywhere form this point, Shaylee could die from the cold or three old trees fall, opening the sky to give her much needed warmth. I would have given you an excellent if it weren't for all the typos. Please go back to make the corrections, only kidding, glad to see you expand your horizons as a writer. I cannot wait to read more.
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Grade:Excellent


 
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