A Fabricated Life

 

Chapter 1

          Kylie Abbot sighed into the darkness. She pulled at the blankets and sat up in her bed. The glowing red digits coming from her alarm clock on the other side of the room informed her that it was 2:53 a.m. Why couldn’t she sleep? She sat there for a few minutes, disoriented, and then noticed the familiar tugging feeling in the corner of her mind. Shit. She could not let this happen, not now. She had so many other things to worry about as it was. But this was not a new thing for Kylie, and she knew what she needed to do.

          She got out of bed and crossed the room, taking the lock box from her closet, and retrieving the key in the secret compartment of her jewelry box. After the lock box was opened, she sat for a minute, taking in its contents. There were so many valuable things in here: Letters, from Jason, and from Bryan and Alyssa. The money she has been saving for years, which now amounted to four thousand and fifty-six dollars, plus forty-five cents, and then there was the ring Jason had given her. It hurt just to look at it. She picked up the locket Bryan had given her before he left for college. On the inside, there was a picture of him, and another of both him and Kylie. On the front there was an inscription. We will take it on. And on the back, it finished, together. Always. – Bry.

She missed her brother a lot, but she could not bring herself to wear the locket. She couldn’t face the fact that she had let him down, was still letting him down, even if he didn’t know it. She couldn’t tell him what she was going through. No, this one, she had to take on alone. She put the locket back, and opened the little latch on the inside of the box, then took out the main compartment, putting it aside.

She ran her finger along her collection. These were her babies. She was not proud of them, but nonetheless they were sacred. The gleam of metal shined in Kylie’s eyes as she gazed at them. Blades of different sizes, for different occasions. Kylie’s eyes began to tear up as she remembered everything these things had done for her, and to her. She hated that she needed them, but the truth was she did. Sighing, she picked the “tool” she thought would best do the job, one of medium size; she put the razor blade firmly to the tender flesh of her arm. She cut, slowly and deliberately. A rush of relief fled through Kylie as soon as the blood surfaced. It would be okay now, the tugging was gone. Kylie has known it would be – at least for now. She packed up her things and put them back in their designated places, and went back to bed. For a moment she lay, crying silently. Then she rolled over and went to sleep.

 Kylie woke up to a voice downstairs. “Kylie!” It called. “Kylie! It’s six o’clock, get up!”  She groaned. It was her mother, wanting her to be downstairs and eating breakfast, as well as making small talk, no doubt, before school.

“I’m tired!” She called back. But she got up anyway.

 After her shower, Kylie stood in front of the big mirror in her room, examining her body. She fit, toned, her stomach was flat but she was not overly skinny. Her breasts were full and round, her butt firm. Her legs and arms were toned. She had a body that most people her age would have died trying to get, and she hardly tried at all. Kylie hated her body. There were cuts and scars everywhere, which wasn’t a big surprise since she had been cutting for over two years. She hid it well, but nonetheless, it disgusted her. It was her biggest weakness, but she needed it.  In fact, she really had no choice in the matter at all. It was the only thing that stopped the drifting. It was a good thing she was able to feel it coming, or she would have little to no control over her life and actions.

Suddenly, the door opened behind Kylie, and she whirled around, quickly,

“Mom!” she exclaimed, but the door had already been closed again.

“Sorry, Ky,” her mom said from the other side, “I just wanted to talk to you really quick.” Normally, Kylie would have made a remark about learning how to knock, but her mother’s voice sounded so sad, she didn’t have the heart to do it. She dressed quickly and invited her mom to come in as she did her hair and make-up.

Maria Abbot entered the room tentatively, but after a quick glance at her daughter to confirm it really was okay, she walked over to the bed and sat down. Kylie was looking at her expectantly through the mirror.

“I just wanted to talk to you,” she began, “ya know, just about whatever”, she swatted the air with her arm as if to say it didn’t really matter. She sat there for a minute, looking at the bed underneath her, and then raised her head and opened her mouth, moving to the edge of the bed, “It’s just that…we used to talk all the time, Ky, about, a lot of things, ya know…before…”

Kylie knew where this was going. “Mom,” she said, “it’s okay. I know you’ve had a lot on your mind. I have too. I’m okay. We’re okay.”

“Yes,” Maria said, “but also, it’s just that, you and Bryan have gotten so close, and I just -”

Kylie raised her eyebrows slightly. “You envy my relationship with my brother?” she asked.

“No!” Maria said, “No, Kylie, not at all. I’m glad of your relationship with your brother. I’m sure you two have needed each other lately, and it’s great, really, absolutely great, that you became so close. I just…well, I want to be closer to you to, Ky, ya know? I mean I am your mother, and we used to be close.”

Kylie felt sorry for her mom suddenly. The past few years hadn’t been great on Kylie, but she had Bryan and Alyssa to help her. Her mom had kind of shut out everyone after Gary, Kylie’s father, had died. “Mom,” Kylie said, “why don’t we go to the mall or something tomorrow?”

Maria smiled at her daughter, and started to stand up. “Yes,” she said, “yes, that would be great, thank you, Kylie, for understanding.” She walked over to her daughter and squeezed her shoulder lightly. Kylie put her had on her mother’s. “Don’t you have school?” Maria asked.

“Yeah, but, I only have four classes, and there are no tests coming up. I can afford to miss a day, Mom.  Besides, it’s for you.”

Maria nodded her head. “Okay.” She said, and she started to leave. Kylie watched her in the mirror, then hesitated. “Mom,” she called.

Maria turned around.

“You should call Ronnie,” she said.

Maria nodded again. “I will,” she said. “I promise.”

 

 Veronica Meadows, more commonly known as Ronnie, was Maria’s best friend. She was also the mother of Alyssa Meadows, who was Kylie’s best friend from birth and Bryan’s girlfriend for the past five years. Ronnie was eight years younger than Maria, but when she moved into the house across the street, the two hit it off instantly. Maria had just had Bryan, and Ronnie absolutely loved children. Ronnie volunteered to help out with him, and in doing so, Ronnie became like a little sister to Maria, always tagging along wherever she went, and the two became best friends fast. Then, a little less than a year later, Maria found out she was pregnant with Kylie. Ronnie was extremely happy for her, and then, two months after that, found out she was pregnant as well.  But the guy Ronnie had been with had run out on her, and there was no chance for reconciliation. Maria instantly took Ronnie under her wing and the two women went through their pregnancies for the most part together, and thus, Maria named her daughter Kylie Veronica, and Ronnie named her daughter, born three months later, Alyssa Maria. The girls, along with Bryan, were raised by the two women (and Gary,) interchangeably. But since Gary’s death three years prior, Maria and Ronnie’s relationship had not been the same, and Kylie always loved Ronnie being around. Besides, she figured both Ronnie and her mom could use her best friend back.

 

 “Seriously, Ky, are you sure you’re okay? You seem really distant lately. Is Jenna giving you a hard time again? Cause I’ll get some girls together, if you need it. We would love to give her what’s coming to her,” Alyssa said. Jenna Mills was Kylie’s nemesis. They had hated each other since kindergarten, and Alyssa had always known the right girls to call for back up. She really could have Jenna beat up in a flash.  

“No, Alys, I’m fine,” Kylie said, though she knew it wasn’t true. She hadn’t been ‘fine’ for awhile. But how could she tell Alyssa? She was her best friend, true, but there were just things that couldn’t be told to anyone. Especially loved ones. “I just miss Bryan.” Alyssa put her arm around her friend.

“I know you miss him,” she said, “I miss him too. I mean, he’s my boyfriend. Who I haven’t been away from for more than a few days in five years.”

“Yeah, well, he’s my brother who I haven’t been away from for more than a few days in eighteen years,” Kylie snapped irritably. She didn’t know why she felt she had to get the one-up on Alyssa about this, but she just…did.

“I know, Ky,” Alyssa said, hugging her, “and I know how much you love him and how close you guys are, and how hard it is being away from him…but…guess what.”

“What?”

“Well, when I was talking to him last night, he-“But Alyssa didn’t have time to finish, because suddenly, Kylie, was pissed.

“He called you? What the hell?” she said angrily, “Why is it okay for him to call you, always you, but not me? I am his sister. I mean, I love you Alyssa, and I understand that you guys are like, totally meant for each other and blah blah blah, but, damn! He needs to call me every once in a while!”

Alyssa just looked at her friend for a minute. Then she shook her head and sighed.

            ”What!?” Kylie practically yelled.

            “Ky, this was supposed to be a surprise, but, Bryan is coming home Thursday, and staying until next Sunday.”

Kylie was about to say something, but Alyssa continued,

            “And he has dedicated three days completely to you.” Kylie was shocked.

            “But why should I get more days than you?” she said, suddenly feeling guilty for being so selfish in her need for her big brother. Alyssa needed him too.

But Alyssa just laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Ky,” she said, “he’ll be here again. And besides, I’ve got the rest of my life to be with him.”

Kylie looked at her friend. “Lys! Did he…?”

            “No. But I have no reason to believe otherwise.” Alyssa said, reading her mind. Kylie nodded, and they walked up the steps to their high school. Just before Kylie opened the door, however, Alyssa stopped her.

            “Hey,” she said, “where’s your locket?”

Kylie’s hands flew up to her neck, visibly bare.

            “Oh,” she said, faking a nonchalant laugh, “I must have forgotten to put it on. Come on; let’s get inside before we’re late.”

            Alyssa grabbed Kylie’s arm, forcing her to stop. Kylie looked at Alyssa, then at the hand on her arm, and realizes with horror that her sleeve was creeping up and her cuts, still red and obviously fresh, were showing. Kylie quickly set her gaze back on Alyssa before she noticed. She sighed. Alyssa was gazing at her, her eyes brilliant. Kylie felt like they were burning into her like a laser and that at any moment she was going to disintegrate. Unfortunately, she was not that lucky.

            “I am not letting you go until you tell me what is going on with you,” Alyssa said sharply. Kylie could tell both from the ferocity of her words and the look in her eyes that Alyssa meant what she said, and she didn’t care how late they were for class, or if they made it to class at all. Kylie sighed, feeling somewhat defeated. She knew she had to tell Alyssa something, but she also knew she couldn’t tell her the complete truth.

            “Look,” Kylie said after a few seconds, twisting her arm gently out of Alyssa’s grip, “I didn’t wear the locket today. And you’re right, there is something wrong. But Lys, it’s nothing new. I don’t really want to talk about it. I just want time to figure it out on my own. I need time. When I am ready, I will talk. I promise.” Kylie knew that her words had a double meaning, but Alyssa did not, and she thought she was just talking about Jason. After a minute more of hard gazing, Alyssa averted her eyes from Kylie’s and nodded. She put her arm around Kylie and told her she would be there when she needed to talk. She also made a mental note to herself to have a chat to Jason. 

 

             Later that night, Kylie sat in her room, crying. All she could think about was the talk she had had with Alyssa, and how badly she wanted to be able to tell her all about her real reasons for everything. Not wearing the locket, not talking to her more, and her general depression as of late. She also wished she could tell her the true story about Jason. And the whole reason she wasn’t wearing the locket. The reason she couldn’t wear it. It was too sacred to her. She didn’t deserve such a wonderful thing. She was also happy that Bryan was coming home, but she didn’t deserve all that time with him. Alyssa deserved it way more. But still, the selfish part of her wanted those days. This made her cry harder. She was trying to feel better, and trying desperately not to cut, considering it was the reason she was feeling so low and crying in the first place.

            The phone rang, and Kylie jumped. She wiped the tears away and took a deep breath before answering. But when she did, it was not what she had been expecting.

            “Hey Baby.” Jason Rodney’s voice flooded over Kylie in a wave of overpowering sadness and pain.

            “What the hell do you want? Why are you calling me? And don’t you EVER call me ‘Baby’, Jason.”

            “What’s wrong, Ky? You don’t love me anymore? I can’t call to say ‘hi’? You know, you used to wait for my calls every night. You told me yourself.” His words came out sweet and innocent, but there was a slight hiss underneath them, taunting her, daring her.    

“Those days are over. Cut the sweet talk, and definitely cut the guilt trip because it’s not going to work. You have NO RIGHT calling me! I have NOTHING to say to you. Leave me the HELL alone!” Kylie slammed the phone down and sat on her bed, barely breathing. What’s the matter, Ky? You don’t love me anymore? That was the problem. She did still love him. Kylie headed to the closet to get her lock box.

 

             “Kylie, Kylie, honey, wake up?” Kylie opened her eyes and saw her mother hovering over her.

            “What?” she said, sleepily.

            “Come on, I’m we’re going shopping today, remember? Let’s go, get dressed. I’ll have breakfast waiting for you downstairs.” And with that, Maria walked out of the room, leaving Kylie to face her thoughts alone.

            The first thing she did was check her cuts. They were pretty deep. And they hurt a little. But Kylie was used to this. The important thing was they were not bleeding.

            She got out of bed and picked up her cell phone from the top of the bureau. She dialed Alyssa’s number, and waited.

            “Hey, what’s up, Ky? Where are you?” was the greeting Kylie got when Alyssa finally answered.

            “My mom is bringing me shopping. We’re having a girl’s day. I forgot to tell you.”

            “Oh, Okay. Hey, are you alright? You sound weird.”

            “Yeah, I know. Alys...Jason called me last night.”

            “What!?” Alyssa exclaimed, “That damn...” Alyssa took a deep breath, no doubt trying to regain her composure, then asked calmly, yet tightly, “so, did you talk to him?"

            “No! I told him to leave me alone and never call me again. But he really shook me up.”

Kylie felt Alyssa relax on the other end.

            “Oh, Ky, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?”

            “No, I just wanted to tell you. If you hear anything...”

            “Don’t worry about it, Ky, I’ve got your back. In fact, I think I might need to have a chat with my dear old friend.”

            “Thanks, Alyssa.”

Kylie hung up the phone and got dressed. She felt a little bit better knowing that Alyssa would take care of things, but thinking about Jason did still hurt her deeply.

 

             It was the middle of her sophomore year when Kylie noticed Jason Rodney. He was tall, with jet black hair, and the most amazingly blue eyes Kylie had ever seen. He had a nice body as well, muscular, but not overly so, his arms and chest fitting nicely in his shirts. He was the most amazing guy Kylie had ever seen. And she wanted him. She worked her magic, and within a few weeks, she had him. He was even more amazing than Kylie had first imagined. Anything Kylie wanted, he gave her. Not that she was materialistic, but it was nice. His kiss was intriguing. It nearly knocked her to the ground every time, her knees were so weak after. And also, he was okay with waiting until Kylie was ready for sex. Kylie was not a virgin, but she had regrets about not waiting for the right time, and she wanted to start fresh, and wait until she was absolutely in love, and loved back. She wanted it to be special, to mean something more than just gaining sexual pleasure. Jason respected this, as well as everything else about her. Kylie had thought she had found an angel, and everyone else agreed with her.

            All of that, however, changed over time.

 

             When Kylie got downstairs, she found her mother sitting at the kitchen table, a big plate of waffles in front of her and another plate of waffles sitting directly across from her. Along with this there were two glasses, one filled with orange juice, and the other with milk.

            “Thanks, Mom, this looks delicious,” Kylie said as she sat down at the table.

Her mother smiled at her.

            “Thanks and you’re welcome, Honey.” She said, “Now eat up so we can get going.”

  

            Alyssa had reasons for hating Jason Rodney so much. He had done the unthinkable, and he had done it to her best friend. Kylie was too in love with him to feel the hatred he deserved. Alyssa knew it was hard for Kylie and she was proud of her for hanging on so well. Even though Kylie still loved Jason, and he had once again tried to pursue her, Kylie had not given in, and for that, Alyssa gave Kylie major kudos.  But still, she had to deal with this.

            Alyssa scanned the schoolyard diligently, yet quickly. She spotted Jason by the basketball court with some buddies. Alyssa made a face, and then walked over to him.

            “Hey. Jason.” She said when she reached him. He turned around. His smile dispersed.

            “Alyssa,” he said flatly. Alyssa grabbed his arm and began dragging him away from the crowd.

            “We need to talk,” she told him curtly, not leaving any room for argument. When she reached an area that was clear of people, she stopped and turned to him. She crossed her arms and looked hard at him. He did the same.

            “What do you want?” he demanded.

            “I am warning you, Jason Rodney,” she said, getting in his face, “leave Kylie alone. You have done enough damage to her as it is.” Jason’s eyes flashed with anger, but it left just as quickly as it came. He shrugged.

            “That’s fine,” he said, “Jenna is a good enough replacement.” He smiled at her slyly, and walked away. Alyssa stood there for a minute, fuming, and then stalked off, hitting the fence. How was she supposed to tell Kylie, her heart-broken best friend, that her ex-boyfriend was now dating her worst enemy?

            

            Jason Rodney was fuming. That stupid bitch thought she could just come up to him and tell him what to do? Bullshit. He didn’t take that. He smiled smugly, thinking about the comment he made about Jenna and how the face on that bitch changed instantly. He could tell he got to her, and that was what he wanted. He also knew that his being with Jenna would get to Kylie. And that was what he really wanted. He didn’t care about Jenna. She was just the slut he happened to get on the rebound, and it just happened to work out in his favor that she was the best person he could use to get under Kylie’s skin. He knew Kylie was afraid of him for the stuff he’d done to her, but he also knew she was hooked on him, and he was determined to get her back. Kylie was his. Jenna was annoying as hell, but she was a good fuck so for now it worked out. Most of the time all he wanted to do was beat the shit out the stupid slut, but he knew Jenna was not like Kylie and she would not keep quiet about it. So he kept himself in line and only got close to his real self during the rough sex he enjoyed so much. Even that, though, did not fulfill him the way Kylie had. There was something about that girl he just couldn’t get enough of. She was wonderful to push around. She took it like a woman and kept her mouth shut. That was the way Jason liked it.

  

            “This would look great on you, Kylie,” Maria said, holding up a pink sweater. Kylie stopped moving things on the rack and glanced up.

            “Ooh. Cute!” she said, grabbing the sweater from her mom. And it was long-sleeve. Throughout this shopping trip, Maria had been trying to get Kylie to try on short sleeves, tank tops, and halters. But Kylie couldn’t wear those things, not with her scars. Most of the things her mom pointed out, she really did like, but it was no use. Unless she could instantly throw on a sweater over it, which she knew she would never get away with, it wasn’t something she could do. So she made up excuses for it all, and slowly migrated toward the long sleeves, where her mother eventually followed. Keeping this secret was exhausting.

  

            “So how was shopping?” Bryan asked over the phone.

            “It was fine,” Kylie answered. Bryan sighed a little on the other end, so Kylie, wanting to make him happy, said,

            “I got a really cute pink sweater that Mom picked out.”

            “Really?” Bryan said, interested, “You actually liked it?” Bryan chuckled.

            “Shut up, Bry,” she said. He chuckled harder.

            “So. If I know Mom at all, then I would know that she asked you about a billion personal questions, am I right?”

            “Yes! I tried to be cooperative, but really, I only told her the basics. No details.”

            “What did she ask you?”

            “What didn’t she ask would be a shorter list, Bryan.” Bryan laughed.

            “Yep. That’s Mom. Well, I am glad you did something together anyway. She has needed more time with people lately, and who better to spend it with but her daughter?”

            “Yeah,” Kylie said, “I’m glad too. But I would be gladder if she would get together with Ronnie.”

            “She’ll get there, Ky. She’ll get there. Anyway, I gotta go. See ya later, okay?”

            “Okay.”

            “Ky?”

            “Yeah?”

            “I love you.”

            “I know. Love you too.”

Kylie hung up the phone, feeling odd. She felt almost satisfied, which wasn’t something she had felt in a long time. She smiled. Big brothers just did that to people sometimes. She got into bed, and went to sleep. It was the first night in a long time she had gone to bed without crying.

 

            For months Kylie had stayed up late at night, crying. There was just so much emotion in her, she had to get it out sometime, and the night was the only time she felt she could. She didn’t want Alyssa or her family to know what she was dealing with. The things that happened with Jason were her own secrets, and she didn’t want to bring anyone else into her darkness. Alyssa knew that Jason had hurt her, but she did not know the extent of it. No one did.

 

                        The next morning, Kylie wasn’t feeling as great as she was the night before. She had a very intense dream about Jason, which just made her think about him more, and thinking about him was what she was trying not to do. What she needed not to do. Nonetheless, she met up with Alyssa and they started walking to school.

            “I’m so excited Bryan’s coming tomorrow!” Alyssa exclaimed. Kylie put on a tight smile.

            “Yeah,” she said.

Alyssa looked at her, as if she was trying to see through her. Kylie shivered slightly. Alyssa didn’t notice.

            “Are you sure you’re okay, Kylie?” she asked, “You have really been off lately.”

            “Yeah, I just…I’ve been thinking about Jason.” Tears began to form in Kylie’s eyes. Thinking about him hurt. A lot. Alyssa looked at her with intense emotion.

            “Oh, Ky,” she said, “I need to talk to you.” There was a bench nearby, and Alyssa took Kylie’s arm and led her to it, motioning her to sit down.

            “What is it?” Kylie asked.

            Alyssa hesitated.

            “Lys…just tell me,” she said.

Alyssa sighed. Then took a deep breath before saying,

            “Okay. Yesterday before school, I approached Jason, and…well…he told me he was dating Jenna.” Kylie felt crushed. She felt infuriated. She stood up.

            “That bitch!” she yelled, “She is only with him because she knows he is my ex and it will drive me crazy! She really does try way too hard to ruin my life!” Alyssa put her arms on Kylie’s shoulders, forcing her to sit back on the bench.

            “I know, Ky, I know,” she said, hugging her friend.

  

            Somehow, Kylie managed to get through her classes, even as her thoughts swirled out of control. But when she reached fifth period, she froze.  Jenna was sitting front and center. Kylie knew there was no way to pass her without her seeing, and she also knew Jenna would never let her pass without making some kind of comment or scene. She decided to go anyway. There was nothing else for her to do. Jenna looked at her and smiled wickedly, then turned to her friends.

            “So,” she said, just loud enough for Kylie to hear, “Jason is absolutely amazing. He took me out to that really awesome Italian restaurant in town and then brought me back to his place. Like I said he is amazing.”

            Kylie tensed in her chair. She didn’t want to hear about Jenna and Jason having sex, and she knew that was exactly why Jenna was saying it. She didn’t come right out with it, but she didn’t have to. The connotation was very clearly there.  Kylie felt hot. It was hard for her to breathe. And worst of all, tugging was beginning. She was about to drift. Kylie got up and ran to the bathroom, all too aware of Jenna’s satisfied smile as she passed her. Kylie locked herself in the last stall and leaned against the door, trying to catch her breath. Nothing worked. The tugging was more insistent. She didn’t have much time now. She fumbled with the zipper to her purse and sifted anxiously through its contents. At last, she felt her hands brush against her metal nail file. The tip was sharp. She took it out, pulled up her sleeve, and pressed it to her skin.

 

             A few months into their relationship, Jason began to change his attitude toward sex. He started to push her physically, taking her limits beyond what she thought they should be, until sex was the only thing left for them to do. He got bored very quickly with kissing and foreplay, even oral sex did not keep him happy. He wanted sex, and the more Kylie refused, the angrier he got. He became insanely jealous. If he saw another boy even look at Kylie, he would scream at him and threaten him, and then later accuse Kylie of cheating with him. Kylie could not calm him down, and terrified that she would lose him, she gave into his need for sex within a few weeks of his behavior. She justified it to herself by reasoning that it would get better, and that it was okay, it was right because they loved each other, and that what she had wanted. She told herself that his jealousy would dissipate, and things would be better than ever. And it was, at first. Jason was passionate and loving when they had sex, and he no longer accused her of cheating, though his eyes still burned with jealousy when other guys talked to her, and he would come around and protectively put his arms around her. But it was better. When Jason got what he wanted, he was the sweetest man alive.

  

            Kylie sat against the wall on the floor of the stall, knees drawn, holding her arm – dripping with blood from her cut – carefully away from her body, crying. She was now beyond pathetic. Not only had she lost control, but she’d done it at school. She couldn’t even wait until she was in the solitude of her room. Worse, she had given Jenna satisfaction with her obvious breakdown. She cursed herself, wishing she had better handled the situation; wishing she could have ignored Jenna’s comments and go on with her day. She heard someone enter the bathroom and tensed. She heard the water running, full blast, and a door slam shut. Beyond the water, she couldn’t hear anything else. Kylie closed her eyes rested her head on her knees, being careful of her arm, and silently wished that whoever was in the bathroom would go away.

  

            A wave of nausea hit Alyssa as she was walking down the hall. She ignored it, thinking it would subside, but soon she realized it was inevitable. She ran to the bathroom. Good. It looked empty. She turned on all the faucets and ran into the first stall and threw up. When she was done, she wiped her mouth and rested her head against the wall and squeezed her eyes shut tight, feeling defeated. Tears began forming behind her closed lids. She hated losing control. And now, she wasn’t sure she was in control of much of anything.

 

             When Kylie got home, her mom was there with Ronnie. She smiled a little, despite herself.

            “Ronnie!” she exclaimed, “Hey!” she went over and hugged her, and then smiled at her mom and hugged her too.

            “It’s good to see you here,” she said to Ronnie meaningfully before running up the stairs to her room.

            Kylie sat down on her bed, thinking. She checked her cut and made sure it was not bleeding. After the faucets turned off in the bathroom, Kylie got up her courage and went to the nurse’s office, and lied, saying she felt sick. The nurse nodded curtly at her and allowed her to lie down. She spent the rest of the school day there on the bed, faking sleep.

            When school was out, she searched for Alyssa, but couldn’t find her. It was weird. Alyssa always waited for her and walked home with her. Kylie thought hard, trying to think if she had done anything to upset Alyssa. She didn’t think she had. They had spoken that morning, and things were okay. Alyssa was excited for Bryan’s homecoming. Kylie shrugged off her feeling of worry and went on with her day. She ended up going to bed early, for not being able to keep her misery down, and for excitement of seeing Bryan the next day. She slept fitfully, however, not being able to keep the words Jenna had spoken out of her head.

 

             When she went downstairs her mother greeted her with a bubbly “good morning” and a wide smile. Even though she didn’t feel much like smiling herself, she couldn’t help get caught up by her mother’s good mood.

            “Bryan is coming home today!” Maria exclaimed.

 

             Actually getting through the day proved to be more of a challenge for Kylie. Alyssa looked worried on their walk to school, and Kylie couldn’t tell if it was about her or something else. She tried to start a conversation, but the attempt failed. Alyssa was looking at her strange. Kylie felt once again the sense of being looked through, and shuddered slightly. Alyssa didn’t notice. Kylie let the silence remain then, not quite liking Alyssa’s broodiness, but not daring to inquire about it for fear it would be directed at her.

            She skipped the classes she had with Jenna, and left at lunch time, heading home early. She was not surprised to see Bryan’s car in the driveway when she got home, but still she felt the excitement rise up in her.  As soon as Kylie opened the door, she heard Bryan’s voice.

            “Kylie, Baby!” it called, and seconds later she found herself barely able to breathe, trapped in Bryan’s clasp, his arms around her in a giant bear hug. Too soon, he let her go. Then he looked at her steadily, in the same way Alyssa did – the way that always made Kylie feel as if she was being looked through. She shivered slightly, as she always did when that look was upon her, and then Bryan snapped out of it.

            “Hey,” he said, “why aren’t you in class?”

Kylie felt herself redden slightly.

            “I skipped out early,” she said. Bryan nodded.

            “Let’s go out,” he said. He grabbed her arm and pulled her to the door, not giving her time to respond. She smiled slightly and sighed quietly. Bryan was back. At least for now, he was really back.

 

            They went to the mall, where Bryan gave Kylie one hundred dollars to get whatever she wanted. Reluctantly, and after a small argument, she took it. Bryan had told her she had an hour to go wherever she wanted and then they were to meet in the food court to spend more time together. While in the book store, Kylie got a text message. It was from Alyssa.

 

Ky – I need to talk to you ASAP.

Please don’t tell Bryan.

 

            Confused, Kylie walked to the lounge area in the store and called Alyssa.

            “Kylie!” Alyssa was on the phone before the first ring ended.

            “Lyssa, what’s going on?” Alyssa sounded frantic. Alyssa was not the type of person who ever sounded frantic, so it worried Kylie.

            “Ky,” Alyssa said and a big sob escaped her. Kylie took her phone away from her ear slightly and stared at it. Alyssa only cried when something big was happening, and there were not many things Alyssa considered big. Death was one of the only reasons Kylie had ever seen Alyssa cry.

            “Alyssa Maria, tell me what is going on now.”

            “Kylie, I’m pregnant.” Hearing this statement, Kylie did not know what to think. She was torn by happiness and fear for her best friend.

            “Oh, Lys. What are you going to do?”

            “I need to tell Bryan. But I’m scared, Ky. I’m so scared. We’ve never talked about what we would do if this ever happened.” Kylie couldn’t talk. Her throat had gone dry. Alyssa was afraid to tell Bryan because she didn’t know how he’s react. Kylie’s head hurt.

            “It’ll be okay, Alyssa. Look, I have to get going. Bryan wanted me to meet him at the food court and it’s about that time. I will text you, I promise.” Kylie hoped Alyssa did not hear the pain in her words.

            “Kylie, I’m so sorry. I know how you must feel right now.”

            “It’s fine, Alyssa. I’m glad you told me. I’ll be okay in a little bit, I was just shocked by the news. Gotta go. Bye.” Kylie hung up before Alyssa could say more.

 

 When he and Kylie had sex, Jason refused to use condoms because he said real men did not need them, and when she had mentioned going on the pill, he slapped her and told her he was not going to have her all drugged up. Then he told her to shut up and take it the way he gave it. About a year into the relationship, Kylie found out that she was pregnant. Though she knew she was young and it would be hard, she began to grow excited and even liked the idea of being a mother. But when she told Jason, he was not excited. He was angry. He yelled at Kylie and called her a sneaky bitch, said she had gotten pregnant on purpose just to spite him. When Kylie denied this, he got even more angry.

”How dare you defy me!” he screamed at her. Kylie started crying.

“Shut the fuck up, bitch!” Jason said, and kicked her chair, causing it to fall over and Kylie to hit the floor hard. Jason then walked up to her and kicked her twice in the stomach. Kylie pleaded with him not to do it, to let her have her baby, she would take care of it alone, he wouldn’t even have to ever see it, and he kicked her again, harder. He then pulled off her skirt. He looked down at her and unbuttoned his pants. He spit at her and told her she was disgusting. He then lied on top of her and had sex with her. She cried, and he thrusted violently and forcefully, grunting obscenities. When he was done he kicked her twice more. Then he leaned down and kissed kylie on the head.

            “I’m sorry Baby,” he said, “but I can’t have a baby.” He left, leaving Kylie on the floor crying and bleeding, praying for her baby to survive and for Jason to change his ways. Kylie had a miscarriage two days later. The only person she told about the pregnancy was Alyssa.

 

             Kylie was on her way to the food court to meet Bryan, her head filled with thoughts of Alyssa and what she had just heard. She wasn’t paying attention, and she ran into someone.

            “Sorry,” she mumbled, and tried to move aside to let the person go by. But whoever it was, he did not go. Instead he blocked Kylie’s way.

            “Look,” Kylie said, frustrated, “I said I was sor-“ She looked up and the face in front of her was the one that had been haunting her dreams for months. She felt sick.

            “Kylie,” Jason said, “you should really watch where you’re walking! Hey, what’s wrong?” Kylie pushed past him and started walking away. She heard him snicker behind her and ask again what was wrong and then “Where ya goin, Baby? I wanna talk to you! Come back here!” Kylie ignored him, walking faster. She didn’t have much time left. She felt the familiar tugging and she needed to hit a bathroom now. She pushed past people, their faces blurred and their voices far away. Kylie was getting hot, and she was starting to panic. It was happening. Behind her she heard a voice calling her name. She broke out into a full run. She was searching frantically for the sign which would lead her to a bathroom, but she couldn’t find one. The one voice calling her name was all she could hear. Everyone else had seemed to go on mute. She was dizzy, so she had to stop, not wanting to, knowing that if she did it would come and she would be gone. But there was no way she could keep going. She sat on the ground and put her head in her hands. Suddenly, she felt a hand on her, and she screamed. Then everything went black.

  

            When Kylie woke up, she was aware of the fact that she was being held. She stiffened and started to scream, when she realized it was Bryan.

            “Bry,” she said, sitting up quickly. She looked around. They were on a bench in the middle of the mall. Bryan’s face looked grim. She looked down and saw that one of her cuts was exposed. She looked back up at Bryan. His brow was furrowed, and his eyes looked confused. He hadn’t seen. He was worried about her, but he hadn’t seen. She shifted, managing to grab the end of the sleeve into her hand and pull it down, and sat up. Bryan looked at her a moment, and then pulled her into a hug.

            “Ky,” he said, his voice thick with emotion, “what is going on with you?”

 

 

by XxStaraxX

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