Dead Leaves - Flash Fiction : One-Stop Write Shop

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Dead Leaves

While
walking in the woods one crisp autumn morning, I saw a pile of dead leaves and couldn't resist jumping
into it and stomping all over it. The crunch of brittle leaves beneath my boots
made me giggle.

My
romp in the leaves was suddenly interrupted when an old lady grabbed my arm and
spoke to me in hushed tones.

"Things
are never what they seem to be. Never." she warned. Then she left.

There
I was disturbed, scattered with dead multi-colored leaves all around and I couldn't figure out what she meant.

The
wind suddenly picked up, blowing leaves all around me and sending shivers up my
spine. I closed my eyes and just stood still.

When
I opened my eyes, I was stunned to find myself in a perfect circle of leaves.
Only they weren't just leaves...

As
I looked closer, I stifled a shriek as I noticed dainty legs, arms, faces. I
was in the midst of fairies. And they were mourning what seemed to be the
oldest fairy of them all. I had just murdered their queen.

by raenie (Viewed 778 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	[Deleted User]
Critique Date:	06/29/2009

Critique:	Ni Nikko, you have a great imagination to come up with this story from the prompt 'dead leaf'. I like the theme and progression of the story. Your writing takes on a naive, childlike quality here, perhaps enhanced by it being written in first person. It does have a certain appeal, yet I'm wondering if you could perhaps consider a different slant. Told through the eyes and thoughts of an adult, the ending could be more of a surprise, not something you'd expect an adult to see or believe. I'm thinking along the lines of the scent of Autumn evoking memories and the pile of dead leaves beckoning your inner child. It would be nice to introduce a few more poetic descriptions. Maybe as a real twist it could be a young child who warns you with wise words beyond their years. Just a thought, it depends on the overall effect you're seeking. Just one sentence could be rearranged slightly for better effect and flow //There I was disturbed, scattered with dead multi-colored leaves all around - sounds a little like you are scattered rather than the leaves - maybe 'with multi-colored leaves scattered all around' // In spite of the sad ending it's a cute story, thanks for sharing it with us.
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