| CATEGORY: Poetry |
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Waves on the Beach of Life
soft waves ripple the water,
they come and they go,
sprinkling seeds of fervent hope
gentle waves tickle the sand,
they come and they go,
leaving dreams of rapture behind
boastful waves crash into rocks,
they come and they go,
shattering dreams to smithereens
frantic waves expunge the sea foam,
they come and they go,
drowning hope as it does
silent waves creep back to the sea,
they come and they go,
a cupful of tears in tow
by raenie (Viewed 931 times)  Show Brief Description
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 07/15/2009 |
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| Critique: | "I am creating a review that Vinod can use in their testing medium, after I delete this account, (we want to change) how users who cancel their account are show. Basically, this review can be changed by the author (you) later on, and it should show my user name DWA verses the previous: Deleted User text. Which makes us look like a bunch of grumpy people going around the site, hitting the delete key to users, he-he. I'm giving you a rate of 4, and (I have reviewed this work previously and it does rate a 4). I asked Jason to read this and tell me what he thought, so that I would give you an honest score, he said: 4 starts**** all the way! So, this is a fair rate. " I will edit this text down :) Thank you for submitting a revised version, it shows how hard you work at improving your craft. --Admin |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |   Paladin elda 
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| Critique Date: | 07/15/2009 |
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| Critique: | Reading this poem is like walking up a set of stairs one small step at a time. When you get to the top step you trip and crash to the bottom. I enjoyed this poem vary much, and the use of the line "They come and they go" makes this poem what it is......................joe |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 07/13/2009 |
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| Critique: | Hi Nikko, Warning - this critique contains S's ;) I really enjoyed the contrasts in your poem, the gentle first stanza, a brash and destructive middle stanza and then a sad and wistful ending. I also enjoyed the progression from new dreams, through life's inevitable habit of destroying those dreams, to aftermath of grief. I love the last lines of each stanza. Just one observation, the line 'it comes then it goes' is singular yet in each first line the waves are plural. I do quite like the simplicity of that line and it is effective in characterising not only the rise and fall of the tide, but of feelings and emotions too. I'll leave you with something to think about, your poem takes us straight from new dreams to shattering them, I was wondering if maybe you could have a wave that nurtured those dreams a little before you take them away from us. I felt that I wanted to 'live' in this poem for a little longer. Thanks for the walk along your beach, it was lovely. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 07/13/2009 |
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| Critique: | Outstanding poem! Love the sentence structure and use of alliteration. Favorite stanza: ALL of them! I voted for this poem to be Spotlighted! Great work. Keep it up. |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: |   CountryAngel
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| Critique Date: | 07/13/2009 |
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| Critique: | I think this poem was very good..
I enjoy walking on the beach, maybe with you? |
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| Grade: | |
| Given By: | Dennis
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| Critique Date: | 07/12/2009 |
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| Critique: | A nice little poem on the sad side of things. I liked the lines "shatering dreams to smithereens" and "a cupful of tears in tow", very appropriate for the mood your poem creates. I can vision a person standing on the beach after a break up with that someone special, feeling very remorse and philosophizing, relating their own life experiences to that of the waves, it comes then it goes. GOOD JOB! |
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| Grade: |  |
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