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Eleven Words

A busy road.
A tree stump.
An old man.

Everyday at eight 'o clock
He sits there, cane tapping
just watching cars go by--
I among them

Such a lonely man
I say to myself

Same busy road.
Same tree stump.
Same old man.

He looks up, cane twirling
and smiles at me
in that split second
I smile back

A roadside friend is gained.

Same busy road.
Same tree stump.
Different old man.

Day after day
He waves hi--cane dancing
Smiling
I wave goodbye,
no time to stop

Same busy road
Same tree stump
No old man

I screech to a halt
Ask of his absence

Clutching
a piece of paper
found taped on his cane
I weep in my car
and send a prayer
of thanks
to my roadside friend

Eleven words
Changed my world.
"Thank you lady in the blue car.
You make my day."

Same busy road.
Same tree stump.
Different me.



by raenie (Viewed 815 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:12/27/2010

Critique:Gave me goose bumps! Loved it greatly. What a sweet story. The short lines worked and the repetition. I'm not sure if you should add some white space or leave the format as is. I'd wait to get more feedback before making a change. I'm glad I'm reading again, I have missed some incredible pieces of literature. Thank you for sharing the poem. I think this one is a keeper!
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: jbl
Critique Date:12/16/2010

Critique:Excellent use of the title of your poem at the end.  I also like the flow and canter of it.  Keeps the reader engaged and wanting to know more about these two people's emerging psuedo relationship.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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