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Goodbye My Love

                      GoodBye My Love


We were having fun in the hot summer sun.


We were having a blast and then she drowned so fast.


He just closed the door, and he paused to stand,


As he took his class ring off her hand.


He touched her face and started to cry,


As he put on his ring and wanted to die.


All who were watching did not speak,


As a silent tear ran down his cheek.


They watched in silence, as he bent near,


And whispered I love you into her ear.


He said his goodbye, and felt he wanted to die.


And just then,… the wind started to blow,


As they lowered her casket into the hole.


He made us proud as he said out loud,


I miss you from the heart, because I loved you from the start,


My love for you is real and my heart will have to heal.


I can’t wait to see you on the other side,


And begin to experience our eternal lives.


So Goodbye


mylove….Goodbye!!!                Smecozzi2009@copyright.com



by s_mecozzi

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Sgt B
Critique Date:09/07/2010

Critique:As Jester said this is a powerful and emotional write. I suggest you read this again on your own & feel the rhythm. it has a stutter to it & I am sure you can fix this to help the flow become more natural and easy. This poem deserves it. Thanx for sharing. ~Ron~

Grade:Good


Given By: Jester
Critique Date:08/05/2009

Critique:Wow, this poem is very emotional and powerful. The words are simple but true. I also noticed this could easy be a great ska song. Just a personal notice, but I could definatly hear this poem being sung by a ska band. Anyway... I enjoyed this very much. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Grade:Excellent


Given By: CountryAngel
Critique Date:07/20/2009

Critique:A beautiful write about someone who has passed. Truely sad. So much love is in between the lines. I hope this didn't happen to you? Thanks for the write and sharing  

Grade:Excellent


 
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