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Weep by the Tide

Weep by the Tide

 

As mist descended far and low,

dark storm clouds stirred the sea.

Upon the rocks a maiden lay,

weep by the tide did she.

 

Fair English rose, her skin so pure,

awash with salty dew.

Now tarnished, long cascading hair

once glowed a golden hue.

 

A sailor's charm did claim her heart

when first he stepped ashore.

He courted her, imbibed her love,

then told he'd stay no more.

 

His soul betrothed to ocean's breeze,

firm land was not for he.

Horizon-bound, his ship set sail

o'er black and verdigris.

 

As tempest ragings galled the waves

beneath the moonless skies,

a haunting sorrow chased the wind,

midst echoes from her sighs.

 

'cross briny depths she cried her vow

to wait eternally.

Forever on those rocks she lay,

weep by the tide did she.



by bluemoon (Viewed 476 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: CountryAngel
Critique Date:11/09/2009

Critique:This poem is wonderful. As I read this poem, Icould feel the love and the loss that the maiden felt. Sailors come and then they go :(  
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Katina
Critique Date:09/27/2009

Critique:Amazing, breathless, and extraordinary poetry! I think that sentence wraps it up. 4 Stars all the way. Sharon, its time to submit your poetry for publication. Have you received your Writer's Market 2009 book yet? This poem is ready! Before submitting it for publication, check to make sure its ok to be posted online, and if not, you can set it to in-active on the site (only, after you submit it). Then wait for the results. This poem is "as good as it will get" in my personal and professional opinion. Excellent work, you have a poets voice. Glad you are on the team! -- Katina
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Rufo7725
Critique Date:09/21/2009

Critique:Great story, fantastic imagery and construction, overall superb job. This is a story I've heard before and enjoy, but you captured its essence and made it your own, and you did it unbelievably well. This may be one of the best works I've read on the site.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:09/17/2009

Critique:Your words create a world of imagery almost like your are by the ocean when I read your poem. It is sad in a sence and yet holds true about men of the sea even today. Your poem takes the sailor's love theme even further adding emotion and dramatics, enjoyed it, thanks
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:09/14/2009

Critique:Loved, loved, loved this poem can I rate it 5 (I really do think we should have 5 stars!)??--it's just so wistful--I particularly liked how the rhythm of your poem was so wonderfully done, like the undulating waves, and the style of the language you used, couldn't help but imagine a sea-weathered old man saying this, the sailor himself perhaps?...wow--It's a classic story written with the right blend of melancholy and romance so very much associated with the sea...I have to say I missed your free verses--I'm smiling right now, thank you so much for sharing ^_^
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:09/14/2009

Critique:Such a beautiful sad poem! I love how vividly the images come to life as I read through each line. I suppose one could never tire of tales of such as these involving the sea and love. The sea is such a perfect setting for such a sad tale, I also love your choice of words...for some reason, to me, "weep" is such a lyrical word, makes crying seem sadder. I really love reading this as well, it's really amazing how it comes to life so easily and naturally.  This also makes me think of those legends, of how certain natural forms such as rocks or mountains are given a background story, of how they came to be (we have many of those I've loved reading as a child). I think it belongs to your top writes (and you have such beautiful ones too!). Thanks for sharing this, Sharon.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


 
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