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Knocking Hollow

Knocking Hollow


 


The walk through the woods is always a treat,


Leaves stick to the mud on the base of my feet.


The sounds and the smells all seem to mix,


To make this journey a never-ending fix.


 


As I reach the middle, were nature lover’s flock,


I loose my footing and slip on a rock.


I land at the base of a large hollow tree,


My face is swept with curiosity.


 


The body of the tree beats like a drum,


I edge my way closer, after climbing up off my bum.


I brush the leaves off my pants,


And take a breath, as I begin to advance.


 


There seems to be a handle fixed on this tree,


Was this a dream or pure reality?


I reach out my hand and entertain my imagination,


Was this wise or an insane declaration?


 


I twist the handle and open the door,


I hold my breath and begin to explore.


I enter a world of imagination and fun,


This magical adventure has just begun!



by nathan1289

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Katina
Critique Date:11/19/2009

Critique:I loved reading this poem! The images created were vivid, life-like and fun to imagine! The only part of the poem that may need further revision is the first few lines. "The walk through the woods" Is there a better way to word the first sentence? Without using both instances of the word: the? "A walk through the words is always a treat," or, "A walk through .. (use a descriptive word here) woods, is always a treat for me." A walk through the woods covered in leaves, what a treat, " I'm listing a variety of possible alternative sentences here. Something to play with when revising (should you feel the need to). For now, getting more feedback is my recommendation. We are putting a new game in the member forum today: the Relentless Writing Review Tag (or something to this effect). To play -- post some of your work into the Relentless Writing area for review. We are going to see if this helps stimulate more member feedback at OSWS. Until then, I'll be sure to send all team members a link to your poem today. Thank you for posting. PS. Would you like to help us test features at OSWS and receive a free 30 day basic level upgrade? We are inviting active members to help us with testing/ providing feedback once a week in the member forum on activities like: posting writing, entering classes/contest, creating a blog, and other things. Interested? Contact me by IM here or by email on Yahoo: katinamwoodruff@yahoo.com. Do you have some places that you are thinking of submitting your children stories too yet? I can send you a few links to writing contest that are open in November - December 31st 2009. -- Keep writing, I'm a fan!  
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:11/15/2009

Critique:A cute story that could go anywhere. Good rhyming throughout the entire poem and very tempting for a child's imagination. I liked the ending because you leave it wide open. It is like an introduction to an adventure yet to unfold. I also liked the build up you use because it is pure fantacy that both children and adults can relate to. Good job with this one.

Grade:Good


 
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