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[Relentless Writing 7 Tokens]

A Life Once Lost: Act VIII

I've finally finished it. Read it over, find my spelling errors, correct what ever you feel needs corrected, its go time now.


 


A Life Once Lost...
Act VIII
The sky was broken by dawn's golden light
As Jennifere ran frantically away
From Michael's Castle and Adelphia.
She bolted past an undefended gate
Where Peter, just mere hours past had met
Them on their way, but now he's gone to keep
Another gate, his omen overlooked.
She found the river Alph and rested on its bank
And though: ‘O Azriel, why me, why curse
Me so, My mother and father were killed
And now my own husband after he said
His old friend Michael will receive us well
And offer his protection over us.
O, Gods where shall I go. I have no home
Back west and now that Gabriel is dead
If I stayed in Adelphia there would
Be none to stop Michael from killing me.'
She leaned forward over the river's stream
And took a draught from the rushing water.
She gazed at her reflection in the stream,
Her hair a tangled mess and face covered
With dirt and tears. She dipped her head into
The pool and when she resurfaced she turned
Around and saw the massive cedar gates
And though, ‘The keeper said, go north, but what
Is north? A land I've never journeyed to.
Perhaps it's safe, it must be safer there.'
So, on she walked, she walked for days along
The old north road, the northern star her guide
And every night she lay along the trail
On beds of dirt which soon gave way to grass
And stared up at the stars who's brightness lit
The sky so bright, she thought it Azriel
Himself. His throne on high atop the gift,
Watching the toil of men beneath his feet.
When seven days and nights had come to pass
Our Lady Jennifere had found herself
Outside the budding city of Naylos.
She walked right through its gates, no gatekeeper
To bid her stop and give her his wisdom.
Instead she walked through bustling streets and made
He way into the center market square.
The square was like a dark, forbidding mire
That she waded her way around looking
For a familiar face or homely place
But all she saw was the masking vapor
Of unfamiliarity that caused
Her dread and made her run away
But stopped when she ran right into
A man and nearly fell backwards but she
Was caught before she over in
The arms of the same man she had just struck.
She stared up at the man and looked at him
Confusedly. He smiled at her, his face
Shone like the angel Azriel himself
And nearly blinded her with such intense
And rad'iant luminosity she laid
Awestruck in the unknown mans arms until
He broke the silence ‘tween them when he spoke:
"I shall not let a lady such as you
To dash your head upon a stone. Now what
Should I call you, O beautiful stranger?"
He helped her to her feet and waited for
An answer from the alien damsel.
She looked him over as he helped her up,
His tall and even frame, his long thin face
And nose which on it sat a pair of thin
Framed spectacles. His hair was brown and short,
With eyes that looked almost mahogany.
She answered him: "My name is Jennifere,
I've journeyed far to make it here, away
From Michael in Adelphia, I'm sure
You know the name and place, but he has killed
My husband, and his old friend, Gabriel.
Now, what, good sire, should I address you as."
The man once full of vibrant cheer. Stood still
And stern, his face a ghastly white, a bead
Of sweat ran from his scalp to brow.
He said coldly: "Dear Lady, follow me."
He lead her to his modest home where in
The parlor sat a host of warriors
And men. When the man and Jennifere
Walked in the men all stopped and stood when they
Were motioned out and left the room empty.
The unknown man began: "Dear Lady I
Already know your take, for I know whom
You told me of just know. I know them well.
My name is Raphael, I fought once long
Ago at Michael's side with Gabriel
In war. Until one fateful day we were
Laid sate, near all were killed in one battle.
Only a few survived, including me,
Fair Gabriel, Michael and all the men
You just saw leave the room. Michael became
A hero, Gabriel a prisoner
And I a deserter. I've lived here since
The day when I forsake Michael and ran.
But tell me now, is what you said about
Lord Michael true?" He looked intently at
Her as she spoke: "Tis true, he cut him down.
He cut down Gabriel before my eyes
And I thought he would kill me to had I
Not left and fled Adelphia for he
Hated my people so. He was outraged
That Gabriel chose me to wed and swore
To crush my native lands back west. This was
When Gabriel went mad and struck Michael
Who cut him ‘cross the chest when Gabriel's
Small dagger broke." She cried as she finished
And Raphael had heard the words he sought.
He stood and said, "Dear lady I thank you
And offer you a bed to rest, but I have much
To do. I must bid you a fond farewell."
He left the room and moments past a maid
Had ushered Jennifere into a room.
When Raphael had left the room he walked
Into his armory and looked over
His old regalia, but Raphael
Was interrupted in his ponderings
When vile Lucius walked in and said:
"Wise Raphael, I've heard your discussion
With Jennifere, and know what you want.
You want revenge, you want to fight, but most
Of all you want redemption through combat.
You feel you have betrayed your friends but look
What's done. Ones dead by Michaels hand, and you
Will surely meet the fate of Gabriel.
Your friends are surely dead so now you've been
Absolved, but if you go you shall be killed.
Put down the sword and send out Jennifere,
You need no mementos from your past life."
Foul Lucius finished and waited for
Wise Raphael's agreement with his words
But Raphael chose not to entertain:
"You vile thing! I took your word just once
Before and it destroyed the life I had
With my old friends in our city and on
Our quest, but now its gone! I betrayed them
And if I die, I'll die for I deserve
A death at Michael's hand for what I've done.
No matter what the end I still must go
Avenge fair Gabriel. I've took your word
Too long. If you shall bar my way, you'll die."
He turned away from Lucius and began
To dawn his battle suit and strap his sword.
The Lucius made the mistake of trying
To dissuade Raphael but with a speed
Unseen by man, he drew his sword and cut
Down Lucius to forever end his curse.
He stormed out form his armory and through
The door of Jennifere's, tenant chamber.
"Please come with me, I ride to meet Michael.
You'll haven o friend within these walls once I
Am gone, please ride with me and bear witness."
While on his knee wise Raphael said this.
His armor shone with brilliant golden light
Reflected off his plate and greaves and helm.
She rose and took his hand as Raphael
Led Jennifere out of his house and from
Naylos on horseback followed by the men
Still loyal to wise Raphael. They rode
Along the old North road, but made a mad
Dash south, against the traffic on the road.
Against the fear and apprehension of
Wise Raphael and Jennifere and all
The men who thronged behind. Against the ebb
And flow of though, logic, and intellect.
Against the words and thoughts within their minds
That bade them back, the words that told
Of doom and loss and pain at Michael's hands.
They rode against the thought that armies of
Adelphia may wait them at the gates.
They rode for days and nights on end, no rest
Or food to eat. They galloped hard unto
The breach and through the gate until at last
An empty street lay out before. Its walks
Abandoned, stores and homes all boarded up.
The dust swirled ‘round the charging throng and masked
The street beyond the distance of the square.
The world was silent now as Raphael
Sat on his horse and waited for Michael
To show himself. The ghostly silence was
Abated when the sound of iron hooves
And barding plates came clanging through the dust.
The sound was cold and fearsome in the ears
Of all the men and even Raphael.
The men had feared a fierce battle, had feared
The loss of limb and trampling of hooves.
They feared Michael, for each and every one
Had once fought ‘neath his flag and seen his skill,
But now the men all quake with fear for now
The masking dust doth settle on the ground
And all must see that he has come alone.
He sat there on his ivory mount with Lance
In hand, and armor clad with symbols of
His ancestry and of Adelphia.
He raised his visor to reveal his face
And spoke: "Wise Raphael, and all you me!
You quake with fear but do not run away.
I got the news from travelers about
Your charge. I have discerned your cause and know
The end. You come for Gabriel, you come
For redemption. We end our quest today
For good my friend. We'll die here in this street."
He reared his mighty steed and closed his helm.
Then Raphael called out: "I'm glad we have
The honor to die in this way my friend!"
When this was said, Brave Michael charged head long
Into the fray of men that Raphael
Had brought and battled with them one by one.
The battle raged and blood and men and swords
All lined the streets and mounted more as more
Still fell beneath the heavy swing of steel
From Michael's hand, and every time he slew
A man, another fled until at last
Just Michael and wise Raphael remained.
They traded blows so fierce they shook the earth
And rattled dust and swords up from the street.
The sparks did fly and all the host above
Looked down to see the outcome of this fight.
Then long abated breath released when a
Strong blow from Michael's lance knocked Raphael
From off his steed, into the street. He lay
Their wounded and fatigued as Michael jumped
Down off his horse, His heavy steal in hand.
Then Michael loosed a battle howl and raised
His sword above his head and plunged it through
The chest of Raphael. His steel pierced through
The plate adorned with Michael's old sigil.
He stood there struck with awe for what he's done.
His friends are dead, each one died by his hand.
He was blinded to what was true, instead
He thought only of war, battle, and strength.
Fair Gabriel did only see his love
For Jennifere, and Raphael saw just
The path of his own self preservation.
One saw power, one love, and one a life,
But none held true their vow to find the gift.
As a result all three had died for it.
As Michael stood over wise Raphael's
Body, now quickly loosing life he held
His dear friends head, his wisest friend and begged
Him ‘why?' Why was this done, what shall he do,
How could he ever be absolved from this.
This greatest sin, that king Apollyon
Had done so long ago, so long
That all forgot the true meaning of life.
Brave Michael cast his blood stained face up to
The sky and professed all his sins upward
And prayed that Azriel receive his words.
He was cut short however by a knife
That cut his throat. The warm blood sprayed out from
His neck, and as he lay there dying in
His best friend's lap he saw the figure of
The figure of the lady Jennifere.
Her face was wet with tears and in her hand
She held a knife, whose point was fixed to pierce
Her throat and take her life. Through all the blood
Michael managed to say these words to her:
"A life once lost may never be reclaimed."
She forced the dagger through her throat and fell
Atop the newly dead Michael and died
There thinking of fair Gabriel, Michael
And Raphael; the great heroic three.



by Rufo7725 (Viewed 715 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:11/18/2009

Critique:Wow! I have an even better idea (or plan) rather for your work here. It is "ready" for editing. I'm going to give you the email of our editor: Autumn Conley -- please contact her and let her know you’re from One Stop Write Shop. I'm not a professional editor and I think that is needed for a piece this "good!" I'll send you and IM later tonight with the contact information ok. PS. My critique is coming btw. I need to go back to the previous Acts before being able to write an effective review. Thank you for posting this! PSS. I have Microsoft Word finally back on the computer, so I can resend that congratulations letter with the OSWS letter head / logo for printing. Enjoy your evening. Oh, one last question, do you have a lead to where you’re going to submit your work to yet? If not, we can brainstorm this weekend to seek a magazine or other publication type to submit it too. -- Katina  
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Grade:Excellent


 
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