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Twilight (Charlie Knows) 50 years after Breaking Dawn.....

"Are you sure we should tell Charlie about us being vampires?" I asked nervously. "Of course we should tell him, he has the right to know and besides the Volturi can't bother us."


(Charlie's house.)


"Hey kids! I haven't seen you three in ages! Wow Nessie your so big now! He pulled Reneesme into a bear hug."Come on out of the rain kids." My breathing spiked as I thought about what I should say to Charlie. "Uh dad?" "Yeah Bells?" "Me and Edward need to tell you something very important." "Okay first let me get something to drink." Charlie practically bounced with happiness as he walked to the kitchen. When he returned he took his seat on the couch and waited for me to speak.


"Dad, first of all for what I am about to tell you, it may seem absolutely ludicris but please, just please be open minded." "Are you about to tell me that you guys are wolves like Jake?" I laughed to myself a little as I remember when Jacob phased in front of Charlie. "No dad. What me and Edward are trying to say is that Reneesmee is biologically our daughter. Charlie stared at me as if I was being chopped into little pieces in front of him. "But how did you give birth in less than nine months?" " Thats the unbelievable part. The truth is Reneesme is half-vampire." So you are tellling me that my grandchild is part vampire?" " Yeah, thats exactly what she's telling you." Reneesmee said from the kitchen and sat down next to Charlie."But can someone explain to me why she's a vampire." " Isn't it simple grandpa, I'm half-vampire cause my daddy was a vampire this whole time and he turned momma into a vampire so he would never hurt her again."


With what was said Charlie erupted into a wave of cursing and said, " How dare you turn my baby into a monster you damn asshole." Because of his fury, he grabed his gun and with a angry expression he threatened to shoot Edward with it. "Chief Swan, I seriously think shooting me would get us nowhere." With a smug smile he got up and sat next to me, then the rest went by in a blur, Charlie pulled the trigger of the gun and shot Edward in the gut, "Daddy!" Reneesme screamed, she jumped up and ran over to grab Charlie's gun but before she got close enough Charlie accidentally shot Reneesme in the leg and she collapsed on the floor and she started to cry. Of cousre the bullets didn't actually hurt them but the impact they had was tremendous.


Now I was pissed off, especially when Charlie dropped the gun and claimed he was sorry about what Edward did to me. When he reached over to hug me I darted out of reach with inhuman speed and when Charlie noticed I moved, he turned around and I growled at him out of hate and anger.


Thats it for now people! I hope you enjoyed! On and just so you know I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS!!!


 



 


 



by cutegabrielle

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: L.J. Boldyrev
Critique Date:02/08/2010

Critique:I am confused. First, if this takes place 50 years AFTER breaking Dawn, Charlie, assuming he would still be alive--he is a police officer--would be at least 80 years old. I think he would notice if Bella hadn't aged in 50 years, same goes for Renesmee. Charlie shooting Edward for that is out of character, in my opinion. Obviously, you didn't create these characters, but it is my opinion that when writing fan fiction, the writer needs to be true to the original characters.  Finally, you need to work on formatting. In dialog, each time the speaker changes, there needs to be a new line, indented. It makes for easy reading. When it is bunched together this way, it's difficult to distinguish who is speaking. Overall, I thought it was a fun read! I'm a Twilight fan myself and I enjoy reading more with the characters. I'd be interested to see something of your own creation :) 

Grade:Average


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:11/23/2009

Critique:An interesting tale that could go anywhere. I am somewhat confussed, is this your story or not? The writing in itself had a good flow and the presentation immediately grabbed the readers attention. If this story is not yours then I would like to see what you can write.

Grade:Good


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:11/22/2009

Critique:I wanted to add that it is ok to post novel chapters from a published book, as long as the user has permission to list it online, or if the material comes from a text written by an author who has died, (however) there are additional rules for this. The only other thing needed is the name of the book, date of publication, name of author/etc.. Ok. :) If you wrote this, please explain the last few lines, it had me puzzled -- which is normal, I'm generally clueless at this late hour :) Thank you again for joining. I truly enjoyed reading the chapter and would like to read more! --Katina

Grade:Good


 
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