The last time.

The sky last night was evil

I made it angry

I wasn't suppose to see it

To night I will see it again

fighting to the winds music

I always wondered what am I seeing

To night was my answer a boy came to my door

"The sky you see is the war we are in"

I never really understood anything it meant

"Only the dead may fight in this war and if you see it you must join the war"

I knew what was coming

I wrote my family a note:

I'm sorry if you have to read this

I know I must die the sky wants me

Remember I always will love you never look at the angry sky ever

I made that mistake

I knew the secret

LOVE,

Luna Star Sky Hernadez

My name belongs with the sky

afterword

5/12/09 news

Child drowns in lake.

Luna Star Sky Hernadez 12 died yesterday. she drowned in lake night. Her father said she wrote a note knowing this was going to happen. Was is a accident or was it planned. The little girl was known for her wild imagination. Her brother said she always talked about the sky fighting. The body was never found which cops say is weird for the lake is very shallow. Her memorial will be help on the 15th

" The world thinks I'm dead well I not I am fighting the war everyday"

by lunanera (Viewed 174 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	Katina
Critique Date:	12/24/2009

Critique:	A good start! There is a lot of work to do with the chapter, yet, there seems to be a lot happening for it to be a last chapter also. By the end of the manuscript, a resolve would be expected -- and possible the main character talking about the current time, or the time that they are in after the events. Hmm, I'm not sure if I'm explaining that right here, it is a bit late. A last chapter is hard to evaluate (without knowing what occurred previously, in chapters 1, 2, 3, and so forth.) Have you written the first part of the novel? If so, I'd like to review some of it before I can give a knowledgeable review. -- I"m curious about the last section, to find out if this was a real event that happened? Check into copyright procedures when taking real events/ people to write a novel based on real events. It is different then writing a novel totally based on imagination, however most novelist get their characters from real life. There are some guidelines that you may need to review prior to writing the entire book based on an event. Good luck with the book! I'd love to read more, thank you for sharing your writing here. -- Katina I forgot to list what may need further review -- some spelling errors, punctuation, minor editing issues (we all have them in our first drafts, hmm, I tend to have them in my 5th and 6th drafts. I have an editor for my ms, someone I'd like to introduce you too. Her name is Autumn Conley, she is affordable and qualified to edit full length manuscripts, poetry collections, essays, practically anything that has to do with writing, she can edit. Her rates are the most affordable I've every saw: $1/page, or 90cents a page when pre-paying for a book length project. I'm having my book edited for less than 300.00! Although, I'm going to give her a lot more in bonuses once she has helped me to find the right publisher. Ok, I've droned on too much. Thank you for sharing the work. I will return to review it again, and give a new rate should you make some revision. Let me know when you do revise the work, so I can come back and write another critique. I'm long winded tonight! :)


Grade:

Given By:	Dennis
Critique Date:	12/03/2009

Critique:	If this is your last chapter then I would like to read the rest that brought the story to this point. Only thing, there are so many commas missing that would have enhanced your story and would have improved the presentation. An example would be, "Tonight was my answer, a boy came to my door and so on. Sometimes writers know what they mean and use run on sentences, neglecting the readers understanding.


Grade:



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