Musings of a Sentimental Seat - Free Verse : One-Stop Write Shop

CATEGORY: Free Verse

[Relentless Writing 82 Tokens]

Musings of a Sentimental Seat

As I stand here all day,

I can't help but surmise

could I have been evil

in my past life?



No fate is indeed worse than this:

to only have a derriere to kiss

I am smothered by it, day in and day out

be it flat, be it skinny, be it round, be it stout



They are not even love affairs, all merely flings

the longest being three hours, none everlasting

I've been let up and let down countless of times before

that it has kept me wondering if there could ever be more?



Kernels of wisdom are never fed to me,

only that of the plant variety

The sweetness in my life comes masked in a cup,

occasionally laced with an errant teardrop



The touch of a hand is but a fleeting caress,

replaced by cheeks that offer noxious gases

If I could weep, I would do so in a jiffy

but life goes on, so sit back, relax and enjoy your movie.

by raenie (Viewed 261 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work

Given By:	jacquiegum
Critique Date:	02/13/2010

Critique:	I loved this! Made me smile...very well done.
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Given By:	Katina
Critique Date:	12/24/2009

Critique:	There is a lot going on in the poem, the metaphors and illusions are well done! I would recommend taking one of the images and adding to it, for example: "be it flat, be it skinny, be it round, be it stout" Punctuation and less use of the word (I) would also increase your rate. I give you 4 stars for the first draft, and 3 for the final review -- for now. It can be a 4 star poem, all the way with a little more revision. What makes the poem stand out is the story line -- there is a touch of autherian literature meets up with modern day dilemma, and a touch of sarcasm, which is always fun to read! I'm just waking up, so if my review doesn't seem to be spot on, I will be returning to reread the work and evaluate it for more study. I liked that the poem had a different type of theme, it stands out among the thousands of other poems I have read on the website. This is what a writer wants -- to have their voice not recognized with any other, to leave a fingerprint of uniqueness, a flavor of "them" on the page. I may need more tea to wake before writing one more review. I feel a bit disjointed writing this. I'm trying hard to write at least 50 reviews before leaving on my trip, yet I don't want to misguide the writer by hurrying up on writing them a review. So, please take my review slightly, and know that it does stand out, and could stand for only minor changes to be something that you could submit for publication in my opinion. Or, I could be completely full of it, as I am more often than not these days -- so I've been told, ha-ha! I enjoyed reading it and that is the main thing to writing -- to entertain the reader and you have done this. I smiled while reading and after, a good feeling left in me. There is a lot going on behind the lines -- not too obvious, and not too subtle. I may return and rate it a four, the only element that stopped me from doing so now, is the punctuation. I guess it is one of my pet peeves. When in doubt use punctuation in poetry, unless the fragmented lines/phrases are suppose to reveal a different feeling / or emphasis on the lack of ending/periods, etc.
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