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the Stars, the Wind, the Sea, and Me

     I sit here alone overlooking the sea, and at one point, wish I were it instead of me.


     I could flow in and out the reefs below, and roll upon the coast. Smashing against rocks of cliffs and swimming around bridges posts.


     With this in mind I feel the wind as it blows softly through my hair. I close my eyes and wish, to be the wind without a care.


     I could blow and howl up the fiercest storm, leaving destruction in my wake. And then, whisper so tender, so soft, you'd have to forgive my lasting mistakes.


     I turn my eyes and look above, at the beautiful stars of the sky. I take a breath and wish I were there instead of on the gound where I lie.


     I could look upon the earth below listening to dreams and wishes. And smiling sweetly at the magic found in the moment of first loves kisses.


     I come back down to reality. When suddenly it struck me, why wish to be one when I can be all three.


     With imagination I can be anything, a star in the sky, the wind fierce or soft, the sea from coast to coast. Without ever changing, without ever leaving, just being only me at the most.



by angelinew

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:03/10/2010

Critique:It's one of those pieces that you can't help but smile once you've read it. It is indeed wonderful how imagination is so powerful to make anyone anything he or she wants to be. Your theme of the stars and sea I think is a perfect combination to evoke a sense of calm and serenity in the reader. Wouldn't we all love to be all three? Thanks for sharing this, angelinew, and welcome to the site. Keep on writing :).

Grade:Good


Given By: raenie
Critique Date:03/09/2010

Critique:And another welcome for you, Angeline :) Your title caught my eye and it worked really well for your story :) I really enjoyed reading it and bluemoon was so right in saying that this would do wonderfully as a children's story, it has such an innocent feeling to it. I can't help but smile as I read the latter part of your write--and I totally agree with you--why can't we be all 3 indeed? I think bluemoon pointed out what needs to be done already--thank you for sharing this uplifting story and I sure would love to read more of your writes :)

Grade:Good


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:03/08/2010

Critique:Welcome! Your write takes on a very postive note and I love it, why not reach for the things that seem to be out of reach and feeling good about ourselves in the process. Presentation, direct and effective. Overall, thanks for sharing!

Grade:Good


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:03/08/2010

Critique:Hi Angeline, welcome to OSWS :) I enjoyed your write very much, it would make a great children's story. I can picture it accompanied by some beautiful illustrations. I enjoyed your rhyme too. Just a few typos - bridges should be bridge's or bridges', gound should be ground, loves should be love's. Have you thought about playing with the format a little to make the most of the rhyme? Just by changing the line breaks you could emphasise the rhyme more. It's a lovely write & I particularly enjoyed the ending. Thanks for sharing this with us, I look forward to reading more of your work :) 

Grade:Good


 
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