| CATEGORY: Sestina |
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Rain-filled Lives
She is one to say that she loves the rain
each drop brings with it much hope,
each drop a testament to life...
She likens it as well to heaven’s tears,
softly falling, in tune to wind’s whispers
softly falling, in answer to her prayers...
Sometimes he wonders if anybody hears his prayers,
seems to him all he’s experienced is rain,
seems to him everything’s as futile as whispers
to be honest, he’s lost all hope
tired from shedding all of those tears,
tired from this thing called life...
She’s always wanted that someone in her life
everyday she includes this in her prayers,
somebody who shares in her tears,
and someone to laugh with in the rain
She’s just there, holding out all hope
constant wishes laced in her whispers
Deep within his heart are whispers...
silent pleadings for a better life,
for somebody to give him hope...
Each night his soul conveys these prayers
for that rainbow after the rain,
for somebody to catch his tears
Heaven was not immune to those tears,
clearly hearing those whispers
And so one fateful day in the rain,
a courageous soul saved her life...
he was the answer to her prayers,
and they had both found hope.
It’s really wonderful, this thing called hope
allowing two people to see beyond the tears...
to believe in the power of prayers...
to hear the music beyond the whispers...
to realize that love is within each life...
to see so much beauty in the rain.
It’s amazing what hope can do, even if it’s only said in whispers
It’s astonishing how tears can soothe, even in a grief-stricken life
And how magnificent that prayers are answered, sometimes in the form of rain.
May 18, 2010
by raenie (Viewed 862 times)  Show Brief Description
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 05/19/2010 |
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| Critique: | Hi Nikko, this is a beautiful example of a sestina. I haven't tried this form yet, but I definitely will after seeing how beautiful it can be. I love that, although it conforms to certain rules, it can still read as a free verse, those repetitions are so natural they are barely noticeable. I love the tone and the simultaneous parallelism and contrast between 'she' and 'he', and it's nice that the contrast is resolved (unlike in my 'tea for two'). As you're not tied to a syllable count, I would consider adding 'the' before 'wind's' in the fifth line of first stanza, it sounds more natural (unless your intention is to personify wind, but there is no other evidence of that). 'Constant wishes laced in her whispers' - that's just gorgeous :) Lot's of super lines in this poem Nikko, I love it. The only other comment I have is that the sixth stanza and the end tercet both seem to summarise the poem. The end tercet, although beautiful, almost seems redundant after the preceding stanza. I don't know if it would be possible to make the sixth stanza follow on as part of the narration, leaving the tercet to bring it to a close. That said, it's still well worth four stars, I think one of your best writes :) |
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