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Firefly Dances

   Tonight, I danced with fireflies. I ran around in aimless circles, dancing with them and watching them blink. I was floating, it seemed, on a cloud of flashing beads of light, gliding through the crisp midnight air. They whisked me away on a five minute fairytale.


   The night sky above me was a cloudy midnight blue, with scattered twinkling lights all around, shining down into a spotlight just for me. The Big Dipper was positioned right above the crown of my head, partially covered by a cottony cloud. The cloud, darkened by the loss of the sun but illuminated by the presence of the moon, contrasted the soft color of the sky with a light indigo blue. The grass, damp beneath my feet, was nearly black. The trees created black silhouettes around me, creating a shield for me from the outside dangers.


   The night was completely silent except for the distant chirps of the crickets and my soft breathing, the quiet stillness of the night sounds only added to the nighttime enchantment. The air around me smelled of freshly cut grass and a late summer rain. My skin was at a comfortable state, slightly moist in the humid night.


   The trees blocked the road of others from me, letting me see my own way for even just a few minutes. In my short-lived fairytale, I finally saw what writers see in the night. I saw the magic floating around, penetrating every last pore of me and my surroundings, making everything beautiful.


   I was living in a real-life fairytale, one where there were no hardships, no worries of the future or regrets from the past. There were only the present, endless possibilities, and my newly reformed hope. For the first time in a long while, I started to believe in dreaming again.



by BROOKEworm

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:06/14/2010

Critique:Hello BROOKEworm, great name :)  I really enjoyed your 'Firefly Dances', it's quite a magical experience you describe. Your write is very sensory, good visual and audial imagery, scent and touch. The only slight downside for me was the number of sentences starting with 'The', I think it stilts the flow of your story somewhat. You could try re-arranging or paraphrasing some of your sentences. For example you could start your second sentence ' Partially covered by cottony clouds, the big dipper was positioned...   I think it would help to give the story a better, softer flow. I also think this could be adapted to make a beautiful free verse. Thanks for sharing your beautiful writing with us ~ Sharon

Grade:Good


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:06/13/2010

Critique:The imatry you create helps the reader share your experience. Euphoric is another word that discribes your feelings in this write, unfortunely. it does not happen too often. When the feeling is there, take it in and treasure it because hope never dies and dreams do come true. You write well and thanks for sharing your work.

Grade:Excellent


 
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