CATEGORY: Romance Writing
Paradise With You
Hearken to my voice dear love,
Hasten to my side.
Give me now your solemn vow,
Here you will abide.
Hold me in your warm embrace,
Sing to me your song.
Speak in rhyme, in words sublime,
Love for which I long.
Look into my loving eyes,
Let me steal your gaze.
Touch my soul and make me whole,
Love me all your days.
Lay with me in the garden
Which our love has sown.
See the rose in sweet repose,
Beauty we have grown.
Place your hand upon my chest,
Listen and be still.
Feel heartbeat your love entreat,
Let it shape your will.
Close your eyes and with me breathe,
Share with me a kiss.
Do not stray but with me stay,
Linger in this bliss …
by PoetOfLight (Viewed 327 times)
| You must log-on in order to critique and grade any writings. Login here. |
| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: |  Sgt B 
|
| Critique Date: | 03/17/2008 |
|
| Critique: | Love has been written about so much, and will always be a popular write. Everyone can relate to Love as everyone has felt it.You conveyed your emotions well here. The flow was even & unforced. And normally I would think poety needs to rhyme. But this was written very cleverly. Well done.
~Ron~ |
|
|
| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  Rustifae
|
| Critique Date: | 03/17/2008 |
|
| Critique: | *** The read this poems several times, even once out loud. I could feel the emotion that you were feeling when you wrote the piece! I'm not a poet by any stretch of the word, but this one was a great love scenario. I can only hope that I could write one this well. Great visuals as well!! I look forward to more of your work...*** |
|
|
| Grade: | |
| Given By: | Luna Tique Fringe
|
| Critique Date: | 12/04/2007 |
|
| Critique: | Like the review below, I like the internal rhyme...unlike the review below, I like the usage of harken and hasten, the archaic language seems to enhance a romantic piece such as this. It has a victorian kind of feel to it. I can picture the classic image of lovers in a meadow, his head in her lap reading or quoting poetry to her, lol...Great rhyme and rhythm. I'm a push over for this kind of poetry. |
|
|
| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 11/27/2007 |
|
| Critique: | I love the word sublime. I just like saying it so your poem is a winner w/ me =D I read this poem aloud. I really liked your internal rhyme in a few places. The poem definitely rhymes which I usually dont like so much but I really enjoyed your word choices (sublime =P)! One thing that did stand out were the words "hearken" and "hasten". Im not sure atm how i feel about those, whether they seem right to me in this poem. I will have to come back to that. Most modern poetry shuns archaeic terminology (from my experience). Anywho, this was a nice read. I thank you for posting :) |
|
|
| Grade: | |
| Given By: |  Dennis
|
| Critique Date: | 11/09/2007 |
|
| Critique: | Nice poetry here, I liked how it flowed and the idea of how each short line compliments the longer line above it, all most lyrical like a song. Good write, Dennis. |
|
|
| Grade: | |
|
View Portfolio
View Public Profile
Send Private Message
Send IM via Yahoo
Send IM via MSN
Send IM via Skype
View Blog