Growth (R)

I stared at her beautiful hazel eyes before running my fingers past the picture as I use to run them through her hair. My anger and sadness ran together to create a heavy ambivalence which would not allow me to cry or scream. I threw her picture into the box and placed it inside a closet next to the kitchen of my new apartment, I would have to give back her memories and forget about mine. Our separation was hard, but the once great love that I held for her de-evolved into a crippling rage that boiled in the pit of my stomach.

As I tried to decipher the hieroglyphics etched on the toilet seat in that disgusting gas station, I wondered about the state of mind one has to be in to be compelled to etch one’s name in a place where people go about their business when nature calls, I mean people will be placing their asses there on a regular basis or they piss all over, as I’m about to do now. ”what the fuck is that?” my train of thought is viciously derailed as my attention is diverted to the area above the base of my penis where I see what appears to be some sort of pimple or wart. A small meaty growth nestled among the curly hairs makes my skin crawl and my head swim with horrible theories as to its origin. My first attempts to piss are in vain as I’m unable to concentrate on anything beyond that deformity. “It’s probably nothing” I say out loud in a thinly disguised attempt to fool myself but deep down I know that my comment is a pathetic attempt to rationalize. I attempt to push the urine out of my bladder but nothing, I just can’t stop looking at it, this, whatever it is. I force myself to piss and attempt to put that horrible addition to my pubic landscape out of my mind since I still have seven pickups to do and I only have four hours left to get them done, I really don’t have time to obsess; but still, maybe I should see a doctor.    

My job as a courier is the most insipid activity of my day, but being a dirt poor college student on financial aid doesn’t leave one with many options. Her parents were generous and they would help with expenses when she was still with me, but now things have become progressively worse since her departure. I feel my phone vibrate on my crotch where I keep it while I drive, normally this would provide me with some welcome stimulation but today it feels like some sort of cacophonous alarm warning everybody of the disgusting thing that seems to be growing in my crotch. Annoyed, I pick up the phone to see that I received a text from her, Jan. It’s been two months since we broke up yet she still finds it necessary to communicate. “Heard you moved, don’t throw my stuff away,” I call and thankfully get her voicemail, I inform her that I will send her box of stuff with her cousin as soon as I can. For a long time I thought Jan was the one, we were together on and off for the better part of six years, my family hated her yet for some reason it took me that long to realize why, she is a fucking bitch. They put up with her for my sake, and now I regret putting them through so much shit. She was possessive and jealous, and she forced me to distance myself from them. I was masochistic in thinking I could change her. My phone vibrates again and I feel adrenaline pump into my stomach when I see the caller ID and realize that it’s her.

“Yeah?”

”listen, I hope you didn’t fucking throw any of my shit away, just leave it in the box and give it to Joel as we agreed,”

“There was no reason to call Jan, we had already agreed on this”

“I’m just trying to make sure that I get all my shit back”

“Look just don’t call me, don’t text me, I’ll send your things just leave me alone”

“Oh yeah like I want to call, I’ve moved on to bigger and better thi…” 

I hang up my phone and grip the wheel in anger, no one can ever get under my skin the way she does.  In retrospect I should have seen this coming, she was controlling and manipulative and I allowed her to do whatever she wanted to for too long. But now I’m finally rid of her and her bullshit and I can move on with my life.That night I stand in front of the mirror and stare at the growth again, I dab alcohol on it with a cotton swab and pray to god it’ll be gone in the morning as I curl into bed and attempt to sleep. I should probably go see a doctor.

She lies nude and seductively beckons me to her, I feel compelled to answer her call and caress the small of her back as I lick her neck and kiss her while she lies back onto the bed. I run my fingers through her soft brown hair and caress the perfect skin on her face as I position myself on top of her; I stare into her pretty hazel eyes and get lost in their beauty. I push my knee upwards spreading her legs apart while running my right hand down her thigh and stop at the pit of her knee and squeeze slightly. I thrust forward penetrating her and I feel sharp pain as she digs her nails into my back while she moans with pleasure. I continue thrusting rhythmically to the beat of my heart as her smile turns into a grin, a grin that continues to widen until her teeth are bared , jagged and yellowish they open and her tongue lashes forward into my throat choking me. I attempt to push myself off and as I do her nails drag through my back tearing chunks of flesh and muscle. Her horribly contoured face, a desecration on the beauty I had just witnessed beforehand bites into my jugular tearing a chunk of my neck. I step backwards and squirting buckets of blood in all directions. I look down to see that her jagged yellow teeth lined other orifices in her body as all that remains of my penis is a yellow bloody stump before I look up to see her horrible gaping mouth spread over my face.I throw the blanket off me to verify that my experienced had indeed just been a terrifying nightmare. I walk towards the mirror and inspect my neck for any traces of teeth marks… nothing, my back is also intact but I feel that I am too afraid to look down at my penis… but I do anyways, the wart seems to have grown. I take several penicillin pills and hope they work; maybe I should see a doctor.

The next morning I have class, I practically showered with my eyes closed and avoided any rooms that had any mirrors as I dressed. The professor rambles on about al qaeda, terrorism and political violence. What the fuck does anyone in this room know about terror?! I know fucking terror; it’s growing in my goddamn pants. I can’t concentrate; my thoughts keep digressing to my crotch. Dr. Milo’s words slur in my head, I lose focus and my inability to form a single cohesive thought feeds my paranoia. Everyone knows, everyone is looking at me out of the corners of their eyes, they are all judging me. Dr. Milo is not saying Syria and North Korea, he’s throwing me accusing looks while really mouthing syphilis and gonorrhea; I can’t concentrate, I grab my bag and discretely walk out of the lecture hall. I stand outside of the student health clinic but I can clearly see that the line is long. Either way I would have to explain things to a nurse several times if I wish to even have a chance to speak to a doctor, what would I tell her? “gee miss, I have something growing on my cock that is giving me nightmares involving rotting genitalia, succubi and vagina dentata?”

I bet they see that all the time. I reach for my phone:

“Ray, quick question”

“The fuck you want Andrew?”

“Have you ever known anyone with like a venereal disease”

“You mean other than you? Hmm I think Alex had Chlamydia he said it burned a little when he peed”

“Do you know what he did to get it taken care of?”

“What the fuck am I? The VD police?  Why is there something growing on your co…”

I find myself hanging up on people more often that I usually do, but if you had something growing on your cock, you wouldn’t want to spend much time talking on the phone either. I feel my phone vibrate again and annoyed I answer:“what, douchebag”To my dismay Jan answers in her usual high pitched banshee voice:

“Don’t talk to me like that; I am just calling to tell your stupid ass not to forget all to put all of my pictures in my box when you give it to Joel”

“No, you are just calling to fuck with me”

“PLEASE, like I care about you, without me you are nothing, you are pathetic and you will stay pathetic”This time she denied me the pleasure of hanging up on her. My work route seemed to lag forever, my pants made my crotch burn and itch and my mind was muddled with dreadful thoughts. Who could it have been? What do I have? Dana? No she was a virgin, Allison? I seriously doubt it she was a clean girl.

She lies on top of me; obese and jaundiced… her yellow skin smothers me as she heaves back and forth on top of me drenching my nostrils with heavy musk that chokes the life out of me. Her long scalpel fingernails dig into my chest as she vomits an acrid smelling viscous liquid onto my face and I feel my flesh sear off my skull and the agony forces me to awake. Curled into corner of my dark room I stare at the bulging spot growing in my genitals, its proliferation came with open sores that spout viscous mucus. It’s spreading and there is nothing I can do to stop it. Several more bumps surround the original manifestation like small monks praying at an unspeakable altar. They bathe in the horrible fluid that is released and grow. Through the faint light of my phone I stare at it for hours. It’s controlling me, it is ruining my fucking life and I can’t seem to escape it.

Days come and go but I can’t leave my room, movement is making it grow, sunlight is allowing its spread.She grabs my head and shoves it into her pussy. The yellow jagged teeth grind round and round tearing my eyes and chewing on my lips as she moans with pleasure. She grinds me deeper into her as the cracking of bones turns into the vibration of a phone. I weakly reach and press the on button:

“Yes…”

It’s her… “Andrew where the fuck are my things, Joel said he’s tried going to your house twice but you aren’t fucking there! Give me my shit you stupid asshole or my cousins are gonna fuck you up!”

“I’ll take your things right now”

She answers the door wearing a blue puma sweater top and gray track shorts. Her hair seems wet and it is tied in a pony tail. She has a beautiful face that is marred by a constant air of animosity. She’s ruthless and decisive and I use to love that about her. “You look like shit” I nod and hand her the box which she places at the side of the door. “What the fuck else do you want” I stand there dumbfounded, “have you seen a doctor by any chance recently,” I manage to mumble. “I don’t see how it’s any of your business but no,” she could scarcely hold her contempt as she stood there barely managing to keep the tears of rage at bay. “Well I have something growing on my dick and I think you fucking gave it to me, that’s why I ask” she was almost as surprised as I was by my sudden outburst, no audible apology was uttered as her fight flight instinct took over as and she kneed me on the balls. Practically out of sheer terror I backhanded her in the face and she fell backwards throwing the door open. I landed on top of her but I was no longer in control, I could feel the cracking of her skull as I slammed her head against the floor repeatedly but I could not stop myself. My mind was flooded, vicious thoughts ran rampant, howling with indignant accusations, “you fucked someone else, you aborted his baby; you fucked someone who was not me.” I could not bring myself to say these things out loud, but I knew they were true, I knew to the core of my bones. The blood splattered the walls and some landed on my face; for a change I was the one in control. The vacant stare of her beautiful hazel eyes brought me back to earth. The dull thumping had seemed distant, like music playing out of a boom-box in a solitary beach at midnight. I whispered into her ears, “you infected my life, you infected my body” I had to know, I dragged her lifeless body into the living room and pulled off her shorts and ripped her panties away. I lifted her leg and analyzed every inch of her. Beautiful, hairless milky skin devoid of any imperfections; no flaws, no viscous mucus emanating from anywhere, no green sores or telltale growths to announce her guilt, just a beautiful pink cunt. Her teeth would never have me again; I rushed out of her apartment and ran to my car.The student clinic was still open; I ran inside and went directly to the doctor’s office. He could obviously tell that my situation was urgent and was kind enough to close the door. “It’s taking over me doctor, its infecting me” he listened to me calmly and put on a plastic glove, “ok son, relax, show me what you are talking about and we’ll see what we can do to help,” With shaky hands I unbuckled my belt and shut my eyes as I slowly pulled down my pants and my boxers “It’s been growing for days doctor, you have to help me.” The doctor was quiet for a few seconds, “you mean this growth here,” the doctor examined as I opened my eyes, “I’m pretty positive it’s a wart, I have a cream I can prescribe to make it go away in a matter of days” I attempted to hold my revulsion as I looked down to see a barely discernable growth inches below belly-button. I was forced to silence through sheer horror, the doctor seemed almost nonchalant as he spoke, “yeah, things like that can really mess with you, embarrass you, but you have nothing to worry about.”

by fevilleg (Viewed 252 times)