| CATEGORY: Free Verse |
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Oblong Dreams
Oblong Dreams
The wind, the rain
the snow and ice, could
not keep me standing still.
I longed to know.
Parting winds I drove
along the breeze, its chill
the fear did go.
Your soft pale skin, bright
father's blue eyes, fingers
long you have my chin
Energy, laugher, fights
at school, you and me son
are one in a few.
Letters shapes, numbers
masquerade. "Mom," you said
I just can't read.
Don't worry son
we have to have faith/
Hungry children, bills
they came. "Mom," you said
I'm so afraid.
Fear was not part of the
plan, we took our chance
and came out good,
(at most ends).
Arguing, tear-drops,
falling down.
"Mom," you said
he is to blame.
Don’t worry son I'll be
okay.
At the window they peered
that day. Watching as
life they knew gave way.
Don't worry sons
I'll find you someday,
by Katina (Viewed 1777 times) Show Brief Description
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: |  Paladin elda
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| Critique Date: | 12/15/2009 |
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| Critique: | Hi katina, I think I know some of the story behind this keep up the fight |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  StormxXxBoV
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| Critique Date: | 01/03/2009 |
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| Critique: | The raw emotion in this stopped all of my thoughts in their tracks, and I fully focused on what I was reading. You have great strength, this was a very moving touching piece.
It's definitely one of my favorites. |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 01/03/2009 |
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| Critique: | Hey Katina, I am glad to see you this strong to write this. I know how hard and all the pain you have dealt with regarding the subjest matter of this poem great job.....joe |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  Kiona
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| Critique Date: | 10/22/2008 |
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| Critique: | Powerful. Moving. The raw emotion that it feeds lingered with me. I don't know you, but it gave me a rush of hope. Nicely written. |
| [View Replies] |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  CountryAngel
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| Critique Date: | 10/21/2008 |
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| Critique: | I know where your coming from Katina.. We have talked.. This really came from your heart and soul.. It really touched my heart as well.
I still like this one Katina...
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| [View Replies] |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  Sgt B
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| Critique Date: | 10/21/2008 |
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| Critique: | I wanted to cry..... the emotion just flooded through this one. Great job!
I still felt the same reading it again. |
| [View Replies] |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  enamoured
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| Critique Date: | 10/19/2008 |
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| Critique: | Definately a 4 star write!! not only is it well written but its powerful, very moving! I sincerely hope that oneday, someday your dream will come true. Your will is too strong to defy. Even destiny will buckle under pressure. Great write Katina! |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  kuirq
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| Critique Date: | 10/19/2008 |
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| Critique: | As always, the raw emotion is there when you write about your sons. It is such a beautiful read, the dialogue makes it more vivid. The subtle rhyme contributes to the flow. I echo everyone's sentiment that you find them one day, such a happy day it would be! |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | [Deleted User] |
| Critique Date: | 05/26/2008 |
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| Critique: | You leave me speechless yet again. Beautifully written, so poignant but also so full of hope. My biggest wish for you is that your hopes & dreams are realised, soon. |
| [View Replies] |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: |  Dennis
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| Critique Date: | 02/13/2008 |
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| Critique: | I have lived with your dreams of being united with your sons and there is no doubt in my mind that you will not rest until you do. Only a matter of time Kat. Your poem says it all, great job. Dennis |
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| Grade: |  |
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