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Oblong Dreams



Oblong Dreams



         The wind, the rain


the snow and ice, could


not keep me standing still.


I longed to know.



Parting winds I drove


along the breeze, its chill


the fear did go.


 


Your soft pale skin, bright


father's blue eyes, fingers


long you have my chin



Energy, laugher, fights


at school, you and me son


are one in a few.



Letters shapes, numbers


masquerade.  "Mom," you said


I just can't read.



Don't worry son


we have to have faith/


Hungry children, bills


they came.  "Mom," you said


I'm so afraid.



Fear was not part of the


plan, we took our chance


and came out good,


(at most ends).



Arguing, tear-drops,


falling down.


"Mom," you said


he is to blame.


Don’t worry son I'll be


okay.



At the window they peered


that day. Watching as


life they knew gave way.


 Don't worry sons


I'll find you someday,



 



 



by Katina (Viewed 1177 times)

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Other Critiques of this Work
Given By: Paladin elda
Critique Date:12/15/2009

Critique:Hi katina, I think I know some of the story behind this keep up the fight

Grade:Excellent


Given By: StormxXxBoV
Critique Date:01/03/2009

Critique:The raw emotion in this stopped all of my thoughts in their tracks, and I fully focused on what I was reading. You have great strength, this was a very moving touching piece. It's definitely one of my favorites.

Grade:Excellent


Given By:[Deleted User]
Critique Date:01/03/2009

Critique:Hey Katina, I am glad to see you this strong to write this. I know how hard and all the pain you have dealt with regarding the subjest matter of this poem great job.....joe

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Kiona
Critique Date:10/22/2008

Critique:Powerful. Moving. The raw emotion that it feeds lingered with me. I don't know you, but it gave me a rush of hope. Nicely written.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: CountryAngel
Critique Date:10/21/2008

Critique:I know where your coming from Katina.. We have talked.. This really came from your heart and soul.. It really touched my heart as well. I still like this one Katina...        
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Sgt B
Critique Date:10/21/2008

Critique:I wanted to cry..... the emotion just flooded through this one. Great job! I still felt the same reading it again.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: enamoured
Critique Date:10/19/2008

Critique: Definately a 4 star write!! not only is it well written but its powerful, very moving! I sincerely hope that oneday, someday your dream will come true. Your will is too strong to defy. Even destiny will buckle under pressure. Great write Katina!

Grade:Excellent


Given By: kuirq
Critique Date:10/19/2008

Critique:As always, the raw emotion is there when you write about your sons. It is such a beautiful read, the dialogue makes it more vivid. The subtle rhyme contributes to the flow.  I echo everyone's sentiment that you find them one day, such a happy day it would be!

Grade:Excellent


Given By: thesingingteddybear
Critique Date:07/25/2008

Critique:Excellante'!

Grade:Excellent


Given By: bluemoon
Critique Date:05/26/2008

Critique:You leave me speechless yet again. Beautifully written, so poignant but also so full of hope. My biggest wish for you is that your hopes & dreams are realised, soon.
[View Replies]

Grade:Excellent


Given By: Dennis
Critique Date:02/13/2008

Critique:I have lived with your dreams of being united with your sons and there is no doubt in my mind that you will not rest until you do. Only a matter of time Kat. Your poem says it all, great job. Dennis

Grade:Excellent


 
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