CATEGORY: Poetry
Sliver
A moment begins and ends the same as it began, passing through time like a sliver of wood into flesh, forgotten, but, after long years it is discovered by happenstance, embedded, and then it aches. A moment... It slips between the fingers of desire, into the shadows of thought-- effortless. You know then how small you are, for to forget is to be reminded that your flesh is ash, your blood, brine, and your bones but cobwebs. You are human in that moment. You are a chaotic voice in a sensible whisper. Feelings become as age'd as the wine that sits and grows flat upon your dark table, and in the shadows dreams sigh deeply-- a meloncholy sound, like wind stirring rows of wheat. Fingering the outer rim of the soup bowl, you wish rememberance would come; how silk once felt, how the wind would blow sharp as a knife on your brow in the winter, or what it felt like to wipe a sheen of sweat from your arm. But winter is forgotten, summer, fall, spring, all have been left as a parched flowerbed that does not die, that does not live. Life becomes a cold finger pressing insistently on a silent vein. Life becomes a memory waiting to be remembered.
by blue_eyes_wander
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: | PoetOfLight
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| Critique Date: | 02/19/2008 |
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| Critique: | A powerful commentary on Life as we know it. Some really good lines here. |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | Ale E
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| Critique Date: | 12/29/2007 |
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| Critique: | Wow..i thought this was great. I agree with Kuirq..the last lines sum this whole poem up beautifully. Very good write. I enjoyed it! |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | kuirq
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| Critique Date: | 11/28/2007 |
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| Critique: | A wonderful poem. Something that you will indeed love to read again. The last two lines summed it up perfectly. |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | Musimwa
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| Critique Date: | 08/21/2007 |
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| Critique: | I had to return to read this poem again, I love it, love it, love it!
WOW |
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| Grade: |  |
| Given By: | Katina
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| Critique Date: | 08/19/2007 |
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| Critique: | This is an amazing write. At first, I thought that the poem was about life and death, but after re-reading the poem, it felt like there was more to the poem than just life/death. I believe the poem is about how we live our lives, and knowing when to reach out to grab moments, or to do good so that we can be remembered in a good light. (Maybe) Am I close?
Your writing skills are some of the best I have read. Poetry is all about descriptions, and not just rhymes, you have done this very well in this poem.
Have you studied poetry before?
This is an excellent piece of writing. I know that you will do well in one of our writing contest. I hope you will upgrade to the basic level so that you can share more of your work with us here at One Stop Write Shop.
I am upping the amt of writings people can have with a membership today.
Thank you for submitting your work. I'll be back to read this again, I would like to print it out, but my printer has bitten the dust. :)
--Katina M. Woodruff
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| Grade: |  |
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