CATEGORY: Science Fiction
[Relentless Writing 7 Tokens]
The Untitled Titled Story of the MMS
"I don't know what to do!" she screamed. "Mikayla, calm down, it will be okay." Jeff said. "I calm down, and out country will be abolished!" Mikayla said, annoyed. It was broke. "It" is the MMS, or Man's Mechanical Solution. The title "MMS" was actually a tribute to the creator, Megan Mikayla Smith. The MMS controlled everything: the government, military, diplomacy, and the borders. If it was broke, feeding false information , well you can guess what would happen. "Mikayla, you know how many scientists that have been working on this. Can you expect to single-handedly fix it?" Jeff said. Mikayla sat at a metal table as thick as a fist. She had her brown hair pulled up in a bun, glasses pushed against her green eyes, head in hands. She had manuals for every year since 2025, the year it was finished. "Jeff, we have seventy-five years worth of manuals ere! What can I do?" "For one, clam down. Have you asked of talked to any other Solutionists?" Solutionists were the head scientists for each country's MMS. They were all friends, or they thought they were. "No, who could I possibly talk to? What country is safe?" "Any country. England, Germany, France, Australia. Why can't you talk to them?" "England you be edgy, so would Germany and France." "Isn't that what the MMS is supposed to fix? Isn't it supposed to make us all friends?" "Even my great-grandmother, was amazing and gifted as shw was, couldn't change human instinct. Australia might be a possibility." She pulled her right wrist up to her face. On it was a watch that could connect her to anything. "Call George St. Clair of Australia." she said clearly. Beep was all the little watch said. "Hello, Mikayla. What are you doing? You look tired." George said from the small electronic screen. "I am tired. You would be too if you were up for the past seven days with a total of eight hours sleep. I have a problem." Mikayla said drearily. "What's going on? Why isn't the MMS fixing it? Or is the President wanting you to have another shopping trip around the world?" George joked. "No, it is a problem with the MMS." she said. Mikayla explained everything in excruciating detail. "What did you day the first error report said, in code?" "JSUN5238KLERROR-" Mikayla finish because George cut in. "62583U5SS35RUN6READABLE7?" "Yes, how did you know?" "We got one about five minutes before you called. What are you going to do?" he asked. I guess my only option is to send out a message. I will talk to you later. Good-bye." "Bye." "New Message," Mikayla said into the watch,"Sent to all Solutionists. Attention all Solutionists! We have a problem. The United States MMS system is experiencing glitches. The warning signs were two error messages that come back unreadable. The system is sending false commands. I need to know if anyone has any ideas. Out." The watch made a little beep. "So what's going on?" Jeff asked. "We are going to see where else this is happening." she said. All of a sudden Mikayla's watch beeped. "Inbox has ten new messages." the watch said. Mikayla opened to inbox. "Message one, Catherine James of the United Kingdom. ‘Mikayla, I received your message. I have received one, hold on- Now I have received two error reports with the same unreadable code that you said. I have talked to Shane O'Conner of Ireland, and he is experiencing the same problems. I think we should call a conference. We will be waiting. Out.' Message two, Karem Dareem of Turkey. ‘Mikayla, I have received one of the same error messages. It think we should call a conference immediately.' Mess-" Mikayla cut off the watch. "I'm calling a conference." she said. It was all she had to say. Jeff knew what she meant. Something was wrong. "New message. Send to all Solutionists. I have receive the messages. Based on my conclusions, I think it is the best solution is to have a conference at the Island. I do not want it to sound like I'm making orders, but I would advise all Solutionists to leave their assistants in their country, that way we have informants on the status of our systems. Out" Mikayla said into the watch," I have to get ready. Jeff, would you please watch everything?" "Ya, I just hope everything gets figured out." Jeff said. Mikayla nodded and headed to the changing room. She grabbed her Solutionist uniform, which was a white, button-up lab coat with an American flag on the right side of her chest, with UNITED STATES OF AMERICA under it, and her title, MIKAYLA SMITH, HEAD SOLUTIONISTS, on the left side. She went back into the control room, grabbed her briefcase and stuffed all of the manuals into it. She transferred the error reports to her watch. She called a hoverjet. Mikayla walked out to the hoverjet with her briefcase. As she sat in the seat on her way to the Island, she started thinking. She thought about how hard her great-grandmother, Megan, had worked to finish the MMS and make it work. Then, Megan had to convince everyone to use it. Mikayla had her last name changed so she could share something with the woman so many people compared her to. People put Megan on a pedestal, but Mikayla thought of her as an unknown mentor. Megan had passed so much down through her family except for her love for the technology and psychology involved in the MMS. That was until Mikayla. The hoverjet landed. Mikayla thanked the pilot and got off. She went into the Conference Hall. She put on her uniform and buttoned it. Shane from Ireland, Catherine from the U.K., and George from Australia were the first ones there, then Karem. Soon everyone was there. Everyone sat in their designated seats. Mikayla stood at the front of the room, behind the speaker's stand. The little robot came out and took the roster. It showed two people missing, Igor Milkoswitz of Russia and James Sauter of Canada. "Does anyone know where Igor and James are? Jerry, you are Igor's friend. Do you know where he is?" Mikayla said puzzled. "No, I haven't talked to Igor since last week, I think. He had just finished going to a Power Period Lecture." Jerry said. The Power Period was the time from World War II until 2012. It was called the "Power" period because the whole world was struggling for total power. "Okay, Jerry, would you try to call him?" Mikayla asked. As Jerry called Igor, she tried to call James. The call was rejected. Both of the calls were rejected. Mikayla was worried. "Okay, I want everyone on the left side of the room to work on the borders and security. Everyone on the right side of the room, please work on running every possible test on the systems. Everyone in the center, I want half of you to help with the borders. I was the remaining half to work on locating Igor and James. I want Catharine, Karem, and George to stay with me." Mikayla said. Everyone broke into the groups and went to where Mikayla had said. "Okay, we have to talk to leaders. We need to start connecting." Mikayla said to her group. Soon there were the leaders of every country, except Russia and Canada, on the walls. Mikayla stood in the center. Digitally linked were Emperors and Empresses, Kings and Queens, Presidents and Prime Ministers. "Madames and Sirs, there is a problem with the MMS systems. We are trying our hardest to find the culprits. Currently, we are-" was all she could get out. Tommy burst in. "Mikayla, you have to hurry!" Tommy said breathlessly. Mikayla ran out without so much as a look at the leaders. They cran to Computer Room Two. The door flew open automatically. They rushed over to Jerry. "What is going on?" Mikayla said. "We have found them," Jerry said,"for two people who are supposed to be so smart, they sure need help with the basics." "Where are they?" Mikayla said. "In the Aleutian Islands off of Alaska.: he told her. Mikayla ran out of the room. She ran back down to the Conference Hall. "I need to speak to Madame President of my country." she said with an air of command. The screen went blank except for the feed to the United States. "Mrs. President, I need your formal permission to apprehend the suspects. They are in the Aleutian Islands, near Juneau." Mikayla said. "Mikayla, you know I trust you completely. I, President of the United States of America, give permission for Mikayla Smith and her fellow Solutionists to apprehend the suspects for the good of the world." the President said. Mikayla ran back to Computer Room 2. "I need hoverjets deployed to their location, as well as officers." Mikayla said. "Mikayla, you have to have-" Jerry said, but Mikayla cut him off. "I have permission of the President." she said. He deployed them. Within minutes, a hoverjet was landing on the Island. They were rushed to separate interrogation rooms. Mikayla went to Igor's. She told the officers to leave. "What is the code?" she said. "Why should I tell you," he said with a smile,"Give me a deal." "We both know what you did, and we both know how." she said, staring at him with her fierce green eyes blazing. "One of us knows four more letters than the other, though." she continued. He wouldn't talk. "I have rights, and you are violating then. You are breaking the Code of Peace." he said. Nobody cares about your rights now. You broke the Code before me, invalidating all rights you have under it." she said. "How did you know that part? It is the least read!" he said stunned. "People may thing that I only got this job because of my family, but I have worked hard to get here. Now tell me what the code is!" she screamed. He shook his head. She left the room. She walked into the other interrogation room. "James, tell me." she said. "He did it! He never told me the code, he said I was too weak," James said. She headed back to the other interrogation room. Catherine stopped her. "His Majesty, King of the United Kingdom, wants to know why some American Solutionist thinks she can walk out on Him." Catherine said. "Oh, that again. I am getting so used to our leaders getting jealous of me running around to save them." Mikayla said. The both laughed. Mikayla went back into the interrogation room. "I have allowed you to come up with some smart-elect answer. Give it to me." Mikayla said to Igor. "Union of Soviet Socialist Republics." he said. A normal person wouldn't know what he meant. Most of the Solutionists wouldn't either, but Mikayla knew. She burst out of the room. She ran down the winding hallway. She looked into the Conference Hall as she past. Solutionists were trying to explain to their Heads of State as to why they didn't have information. She ran up the steps, skipping as many as she could. She went down Corridor Five, and she burst into the Central room. There were fifteen people sitting around, trying to run tests. Within seconds of her arrival, George, Catherine, and Karem ran in. "Terry, move!" Mikayla said. Mikayla jumped into his seat. The keyboard slid out and she typed in four letters: USSR. For a second, everything stopped, it all went blank. Then, as if it had been restarted, the lights flashed and beeped. The news feeds were correct, tests were running perfect, and out of the disk space came a little chip with a Soviet flag on it. "How did you do that?" Catherine stumbled. Everyone was speechless. "Igor is smart, and he thinks that he is trick, but he forgot my love of history. He said, ‘Union of Soviet Socialist Republic'. That was the official name of the Soviet Union, or USSR. It was the name of Russia from 1922 until 1991. That was during the Power Period. When Jerry said that he had last talked to Igor after a lecture, it made me think that something made him want to change our system now. He wanted to bring the ‘glory' of Russia back." Mikayla belted out. "Mikayla, I don't know how you do what you do, or how you are what you are, but we love you for it." said George. "Ya, and you would what I just did was hard, but no. Now I have to explain to the King of England why a power-crazy American Solutionist walked out on him without a word.
by Hendrick13 (Viewed 155 times)
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| Other Critiques of this Work |
| Given By: | Urocyon
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| Critique Date: | 06/22/2008 |
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| Critique: | Greetings Hendrick13,
I am a newbie here, and I do not know the date of this submission; I see the date of the last crit was on May 10th and I wonder if there is a deadline for critiques. I can see promise in your story, and I can see far too many errors in grammar and syntax, so I assume this is an early draft. I can do a complete critique for you if you would like and if it is not too late. If you have revised, I would like to see that as well. My profile may be lacking at this date...I have not had a chance to flesh it out yet, but my email address should be there.
Write on,
Bob |
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| Grade: | Needs Revised |
| Given By: | Katina
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| Critique Date: | 05/10/2008 |
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| Critique: | This is a bit hard to see :) We can help members, adjust the font size/color/backrounds, and even help create (more pages, for longer works) You can create more than one page by placing this code under the area you wish to have place on a new page (page 1, page 2) etc.. Insert [PAGEBREATK] with the brackets and all text underneath of this will go to a new page, making it much easeir for readers to read. Sometimes, time is limited and it is hard to keep track of how much of a story you have read. This gives readers a way to jot down, \"...story\" on page 2-read later, etc.. The color of the text may work better as black for the backround color you have. The font size may also need increased to 12 (unless it is already). If you would like some help with any of the features, please let me know! :) thanks, --Katina
PS. I placed "Needs Revised" temporarily, until it has been edit to view. I am having difficulty seeing the text with my eyes, they are sooooo bad. ONce the color/size is changed, I can return to it and read it and give you a proper critique. I'm sure you will earn better than the grade I selected now. :D |
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| Grade: | Needs Revised |
| Given By: | Dennis
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| Critique Date: | 04/27/2008 |
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| Critique: | Good write, I enjoy science fiction and the theme you generated here, MMS, would be nice if society had something like this. You write very discriptively that helps the reader imagine visualizations that you create. The dialogue was well thought out and only enhanced you character's presence. You created a hero that was believable, good job. There are a number of typo's you need to fix and if this was a first draft, your on it. Dennis |
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